4.28.2004

The Brand New Obsession

Depeche fucking Mode. That's all I gotta say.
I borrowed multiple CD's from LX today in work and 2 of them were DM. And now I'm home, listening to a BEST OF from Lefty's collection. Its soooooo good. Like "what the fuck was I thinking only sorta liking them before???" good.
So no email from MILLAR or JEMAS while I was at work--but Mr. Joves put up the second half of the article, including my plea to get in contact with either of them. ::enjoys the silence::

I got me laundry done, filled up me tires, and pulled the books I"m taking with me to PITT. Tomorrow I will shower, pack and get ready to RAWK!!!!

I am all achy and already getting tired. I should just call it quits and go to bed but I long to stay awake and listen to this entire 2 disc album!!!! I've got to have some goals you know?

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Warren Ellis hooks it up!

So last nite I got this email--from Bill Jemas, former editor-in-chief of MARVEL. Saying he had a fun time with me and JD on Saturday and he checked out the site and really dug it (guess he didn't check out my MARVEL-bashing in the WIZARD NOMS story!!). So I try to reply, only to get a bloody delivery error.

This has been my plight all weekend--I signed up for MILLAR's message board and can't PM the bastard. MARVEL's site offers no contact info. And it seems that JEMAS can email me but I can't email him back?!?

What's a girl to do? Why email WARREN ELLIS of course. I explained to him my troubles and he forwarded the message to MILLAR. B/c he's cool like that. You just have to love the comic industry for the simple fact that the famous people are on a WAY more accessible level. Its damn cool. Now to get in touch with JEMAS and I'll be a happy girl. We're going to put a plea on ze web site asking for them to get in touch with us...hope it works...

Ms. Irate came down to South ST. and hung out and it was cool. We were @ Ze Pontiac for awhile but then just ended up going to my house and drinking and watching TV. Hella fun though... I have to burn DAFT PUNK for her and Mark which is becoming all my friend's new favorite band it seems.
I have to start getting ready for the con tonight. We leave tomorrow nite. Moto is Slow-Moto right now from getting spayed. Poor kitty kat.

I don't feel like doing a damn thing @ work today. I'm just going home and doing laundry--I'll worry about the comic book/packing shite tomorrow. We don't have to go get Kell until 7pm so I'll have time after work. Nothing like waiting till the last minute!! The animator for HOME MOVIES is gonna be @ Pitt Con so I will mos def be trying to score a McGirk sketch from him. I also need to get a GEORGE ROMERO autograph for J to the Rizzock. Other than that its just some random stuff, an interview with ANDY LEE (if he'll grant me one) and working for KOOP. I've heard its a less crowded show so I'm anxious to see the set up. Maybe this time I'll remember to bring my camera...as I totally forgot last weekend and have no record (except for JD"s pics) or our night out.

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4.26.2004

When I wrote this: 4.26.04-2AM Riki and Ms. Irate's Birthday
The orange and white bottles
call to me across this beigne and neutral room
from an ancient drawer.
We might have to guess @ the number of bottles,
the colors of pills
The Co-pay vs. Generic
A Pink one for the cold
A white square for "the move"
A white oval for the pain
A yellow circle for the every day life that I'm too fragile to live
w/o help (and all those supplements are not enough--I still rely on other things)
{To KEEP ME HI!!!!}
When does cliche become cool?
When will the mirror image of my mirror image
realize the secret of the dyed hair, the pale skin, the eccentricity...

I don't just hate the girl with ego. I want to be her.
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I have been Her Kind...

I’m at work and bored as hell. Either the EDI send system is down, or no one is making any bookings. And since I have a minion to do my dirty work for me, I’m sitting here trying to look busy. Typing an email always helps (which is what it looks like I’m doing; actually just gonna copy and paste this bad boy into the blogger window when I’m done).

Anyway, Moto was dropped off today for her spaying. Then they called to let me know she has tapeworms or ringworms or some gross thing that I’m really upset about b/c she hasn’t been in contact with any other animals or been outside. So how ze fuck she got it, I don’t know. The price of this medical shite for her is more than was expected this pay—I have to see if I can set up a payment plan with them. I’m really hoping I can or else I’m screwed for the next week or so.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MS. IRATE and ZERO!!!! Tonight we’re going to FRIDAYS to celebrate J to the Rizzock’s b-day. I’m only having one drink and buying Jaime one shot. BUDGET BABY BUDGET!!! It should be fun though. Lefty Joves and Keg-Leg will be reprezentin the pirate crew!!! Yarrrr!

I just feel out of it today. Its all cloudy and I got in late. I feel like I’m starting to get the haze. The Haze is my pre-cursor to a nice little crash that means depression for me. I tend to cycle and hanging with MILLAR and that stuff was mos def a HIGH point. So now tis time to hit rock bottom. This of course is only a prediction; if I had any way of knowing who/what caused my cycling then I would surely be able to help myself better. Or maybe I do but just choose not to recognize any sort of power b/c in the back of my mind: I love being insane and scarred with these fucked-up things. It makes me feel real.

*In Other News*
+Donna seems a little down today but I am not at my top game when it comes to being a nice person so I’m just keeping quiet.
+Stefan bought DISCOVERY on vinyl. And I paid for my DIRTY DEEDS DONE DIRT CHEAP on vinyl so hopefully I will be receiving that bad boy soon.
+tried to email both BILL JEMAS and MILLAR but have had no luck either finding contact addy’s—or getting CORRECT addresses when I do find them. SUCK!

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4.25.2004

I drank with Mark Millar!!!

Oh yes, tis true mateys. I have NEVER read any MILLAR in my entire comic book reading career, but he has become a fave of mine in the comics world.
And oh yeah, I sat next to Bill Jemas--and thought he was a really cool guy.
Basically it went like this: DYNAMIC FORCES put together a fan fest which involved some comic greats. The after-con get together was auctioned off the little people and JD won me and him a spot in the little contrived soiree. It started out just like any high school dance would--the cool kids and the "fan boys that won the auction"...but as the night wore on and Ze Brickthrower started drinking HEINIKEN, the conversation just got better and better. And finally MILLAR and MACLAUGHLIN planned a little revolt involving heading to another bar down the street. With 2 of the other 4 winners, QUESADA (and his wife?), JEMAS, MILLAR and the JD/Brickthrower collective hung out and drank with these comic book big wigs. It was insane!!!! Was I starstruck? Beyond words? Did I help my once arch-rival change his cell phone personal greeting to "DC STILL SUCKS," you bet I did! MILLAR totally impressed me with his story-telling and the promise of one free drink per correct question answered in "ULTIMATES QUIZ 2004," an epic battle pitted against me and MILLAR set for WIZARD WORLD CHICAGO this August. Having a Scottish accent always helps men...MILLAR knows this and exploits it.
JEMAS--questioned me about my poetry and promised to email me (probability--slim to none--I'm expecting nothing with the hopes to be presently surprised).
The show itself was a little dull--first time show so there were obvious kinks. Multiple rooms being one. Me not talking to CHAYKIN enough was another. A long day that was greatly rewarding at the end... I got some decent stuff signed. I also had MICHAEL AVON OEMING say happy birthday to Ms. Irate on my cell phone. It was much to much of a day. And only a small portion of my friends will have any idea or even care.
On another note--I got Ms. Irate's prezzie for her birthday tomorrow and spent more time wrapping it then I did buying it. I'm also still completely obsessed with the NEW WAVE CHANNEL on digi cable and hoping to get laid sometime soon.
JACK DANIELS--my new favorite drink. JD + Diet DP=Heaven!

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4.24.2004

Sometimes
the fumes reside in the back of the throat
chemical air in the mouth
but you continue to drink...with the ease of a saint
finish that last gulp before the next case of nostalgia hits you.

The desire to say "I'm done" is always with you
done with him
done with yourself
done with this world
done with this godforsaken guilt and need

Done with it all.

4.23.2004

So ZE BUDGET 2004 Begins...

Hmmm...well I am mailing a check to me mum for my NEW CAR FUND!!! So thats something. And paying every single bill I can! My back is killing me...I should take a tranq right about now. To get that muscle relaxer kick going!

I guess its not really a kick...more like a slow lapse into unconciousness.

So tomorrow is an excursion into comic book geek-dom known as the DYNAMIC FORCES FAN FEST. I guess dealers will be there?!? Don't really know...just know I must find a way to steal some time away for some shopping (food and otherwise); plus we have to drop Eric off and then go back for the dinner we won with some of the creators. My stalker (aka the inker for TRANSMETROPOLITAN, just my favoritest comic book EVER) Rodney Ramos will be there. So that should make it a little more interesting.

I have Sausalito totally in love with DAFT PUNK--I love that!!! They rock so much the whole world should bloody well know! I'm listening to a song off DAFT CLUB now. I should be getting my shite together for tomorrow. But I just can't get into this like the WIZARD WORLD cons. I have a couple things up here for people to sign but I'm just a procrastinating bastard. Breakfast will be good tomorrow though--I'm so hungry right now!!!

So Little John is bailing on PITT. And me and JD had a fight about me friends--and me defending them when he puts them down. A argument/discussion/debate we have quite a bit. But not sure what I can do about it when we just can't see eye to eye on certain things. Our communication styles mos def clash on some topics. Makes it very difficult to explain meself. I just wish he could realize that I don't have livelong connections with people like him. I never could because of my moving situation. The friends I've made in PA are the closest I've ever had. Ugh...don't wanna talk about it anymore.

I am totally looking forward to the weather and the weekend though. Just to relax and know that I'm hopefully starting a budget and a plan that will have me buying a new car and finding better ways to spend my money. Security sounds like such an evil word to a wild child such as myself but nevertheless is still something I crave.

My mind is just a muddled mess of messiness. Yeah...how's that for words of wisdom from your friendly English Major???
Damn the Man--Save the Empire!

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4.22.2004

Madness comes, Madness goes
by some band off the NEW WAVE music channel on cable.

So Stefan is supposed to be coming over tonite to watch THE OFFICE with me. An anglophile such as him will admire and truly appreciate the greatness that is THE OFFICE. I've only seen 3 episodes and I'm in total love with this show. I also made Stefan a salad that I now specialize in. I have no idea what to call it--but its basically:
1-radicchio, baby spinach and endive
2-Honey Dijion Dressing
3-roasted red peppers
4-bacon pieces (real bacon!)
5-mozzerella, parmasean and feta cheese
it rocks the hizzouse. JD says it smells so good but he hates salad so he won't eat it. But Me Matey Sausalito wants to try one...and I'm just pysched that I have a food that I specialize in.
I didn't completely hate my job today.
I need to clean up this mess and find some CD's for tomorrow before my guest arrives!!!
My desk is such a mess @ the moment--comix, CD's and bills.
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4.21.2004

My Little China Girl, You Shouldn't Mess With Me

I'll give you television
I'll give you eyes of blue...

I just finished burning CD's for Eric. JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE and JD's BOWIE collection. Quite a nice mix of music for our young co-worker. Tonight me and Stefan pretty much just drove around so we could hear JACQUES' FABRICLIVE 9 in its entirety. That CD ends @ GOUGE AWAY from THE PIXIES. It could end no other way...

So now I'm listening to BOWIE (obviously) and drinking (of course) and bored (well duh!). Yesterday was excellent in that I saw J to the Rizzock and we just hung out and it was cool...and I got a ton of shite done cleaning and organizing-wise. And I was a half hour late for GORMAN but its all good and we made a budget for me ($60 a week on entertainment--thats it. I can't carry around my check card around with me. And I'm sending my parents $150 a month. And I'm going to get a new car ASAP. Its just so good to have a plan. And the hope that I can stick to it.

So my sister did some model pics. She's looking damn hot! I'm gonna put them in my "random friends and family album" @ this link right here.

I hope the best for her. One of us needs to get rich so we can help each other out (I have no doubt in my mind that anyone in my immediate family wouldn't take care of the rest of the fam)!!!!

I don't know why I have the energy to stay up and type and the will to be this happy. I'm just happy its getting warm and I may actually start saving money and that maybe, just maybe, I can do this happy thing for awhile. I don't know. I had a dream my dad died 2 nights ago. And I'm still thinking about it like all the time. And I hate over-analyzing things like this but it totally freaks me out when I know JD gets visited by his grandmother in his dreams sometimes and its just insane. Ugh...I'm totally going to stop talking about this.

JD is sick tonite. I'm really hoping he'll feel better. I just wish I could make it go away. I'm so maternal it sickens me sometimes. I'm supposed to be all like "fuck domesticity!!! I'm a woman of the 2000's" but I like taking care of my Babydoll when he's sick. now I'm sounding so lame I'm gonna stop talking about this as well.

Everyone is hating their job right now. I really do believe that. We're just sucking and floundering and I hate when we suck!!!!

I'm off to look for JAILBREAK on vinyl...

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4.20.2004

The late night sway...

So its 3 in the morning. No work tomorrow. Came home and cried b/c I have to spend money fixing my god forsaken tire that now seems to have gotten a nice size hole in it. Nice enough that I had to fill it up twice while I was out (once when I got to Stefan Francois' and once when on me way home). Money I don't have. Money i've spent on other dumb things that I was somehow able to rationalize with phrases in my head like "well, its a special occasion" or "I don't have as many bills next week so I should be fine." Ugh--I disgust myself with my mindless self-indulgence. I just reek of lack of willpower (the newest fragrance from Calvin Klein).

So tomorrow I have me shrink and then maybe bloodwork but first and foremost is getting my tire plugged up. I'm also planning on visiting fellow shipmate, Ms. (p)Irate @ Ye Olde Comic Book Shoppe, and meeting up with Keg-Leg later on. This will be my first day off in a long time. Needless to say I'm ready for it!!!!

Tonite I went over to Leah and Rae's with Stefan. I am once again letting stupid shite bother me that I shouldn't even worry about. Even Stefan said that I shouldn't care. The analyzing is about Stefan's new girl and whether or not she likes me. Stefan is one of my closest friends, even its only been a year that we've really known each other. And even that silly muppet-lookin' motherfucker said "don't worry about if someone likes you, worry about if you like them. God--its so true! But I don't even think that way. Attention Whore, aka Ms. Brickthrower needs to be noticed and loved by everyone. Ugh...I see these traits in me; I can list them alphabetically and explain them in great detail. Do I do a damn thing to change them? HELL NO! Anyway, me and Stefan had a fun time. Rae and Leah wanted to watch RW/RR INFERNO so that was cool; afterwards we walked back to me car but first stopped off @ 700 Club to have a nightcap and then I went on my not so merry way as my goddamn tire is making me feel like my entire day is ruined tomorrow.

I talked to Jake today. He is dating this girl Lauren and he sounds SUPER into her and all I can think is "thank god." I just want that goddamn asshole of a former best friend to get his act together and shite. He told me his HEP count is still high but his liver and kidneys look ok, so they're waiting 6 months and testing again. If his HEP count is still high they will need to do a liver biopsy. But he was sounding in good spirits and like him old self. That is always a good thing.

I was @ work till bloody 6.30pm trying to make sure things were ok for tomorrow. Even with everyone back on the team, it still felt like hell. Donna was stressed and I was just so out of it from the night before that I was able to keep my mind off it and just focus on the 6 million bookings I must've put in. Just the non-stop endless cycle of bullshite is wearing on me and Donna both. We're both people of order and organization. Its hard to be organized when everything is changing around you, and people keep throwing obstacles in your way.

I can hear the morning birds chirping...I can't believe I stayed up this late. I was talking with J to the Rizzock until about 10 mins ago. I'm starting to get that ache. The ache of those that need to sleep.

4.18.2004

She's Lost Control Again...

I just read every single post on Ms. Irate's journal. I'm insane. And bored...

Today is absolutely beautiful. I want to go out but have no money to spend and am still in need of a shower and Keg-Leg to get her ass over here. Today is N*E*R*D. Pharrell in da hizzouse!! We've got quite a mixed bag of a crew going tonite--so i'm expecting only CHAOS!

I still have comix to read...but really I should take a shower and decide what the fuck I'm gonna wear to this show. As its absolutely gorgeous outside I'm thinking a skirt, nothing too fancy but all my shorts are lame. I need to switch to a smaller purse. I only have 20 bucks and drinking is not gonna be high on my list of things to spend money on.

Rambling rambling rambling...

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4.17.2004

Notes on the crew of THE BELOVED SIDNEY
By Manchester Mary, Scourge of the Seven Seas (and captain)

Members of the crew:
1-Manchester Mary, Captain. I was on the crew of the DREAD PIRATE ROBERTS for 10 years, working my way up through the ranks until I inherited a large sum of money from a secret benefactor and was able to purchase my own ship. Scourge of Seven Seas is my nickname, as my name is known far and wide as one of the deadliest and ruthless females on the sea.

2-Lefty Joves, 2nd Mate/coxswain/personal bodyguard/personal concubine. Lefty was first mate of the ship for quite a while, but his deteriorating vision has forced him to move down to 2nd Mate. This "demotion" is only in name as he has stayed my companion and lover, and is known by all the crew as the muscle on the ship. The position of 1st Mate in currently unoccupied but I am reviewing my shipmates for possible replacements.

3-Keg-Leg Kelley, lietenant/sailing master. Keg-Leg was a member of DREAD PIRATE ROBERT's crew but was relieved of her duties from excessive drinking. When I purchased the ship, I asked her to join my crew and we christened her "THE BELOVED SIDNEY" in memory of Keg-Leg's Rotty/German Shephard mix that perished in a firew. It does not help that she lost her leg in a cannon malfunction and had a prosthetic fitted that can be most accurately described as a giant flask on her leg, where she carries ale or other spirits. Although a long-time friend and fantastic navigator, Keg-Leg drinks constantly and has a bad habit of getting "three-sheets" and talking to lower-ranking shipmates about matters that do not concern them. Most of the time she is harmless, but I wonder of her 3rd watch duty spent with newcomer Sausalito.

4-Jaci Red-Handed, plunderer. My sister and loafer--her best talent is sleeping and her next best talent is pillaging and charming men out of their money. She comes in handy when we haven't made a pillage in some days; we stop @ next port and send her and Sausalito out. Works like a charm. Red-Handed gets men to buy her drinks while she takes advantage of their drunkeness; Sausalito's pick-pocketing skills are unparalleled.

5-Sausalito, deck hand, Galley Slave Sausalito recently joined the crew as a galley slave and deck hand. He works hard and seems to be vieing for more duties or a possible promotion. His eyes have been on the first mate position since Lefty's leave of the post. Sausalito is also the one I know the least about...for the simple fact that he does not know that much about himself. He is from France, his mother a widower. What he knows of his father is ever more scarce; his mother met a pirate whose name we dare not speak when she was visiting the port town of LA HAVRE, and they conceived a child. His mother, fearing that Sausalito would follow in his missing father's shoes, never told him anything about his father. His only clue is his name (Sausalito is supposedly the area in which his father was from--a Spanish Pirate whose death is so mysterious and vile that we no longer speak his name for fear of THE CURSE), Sausalito Francois Grovier. Although Sausalito did end up becoming a pirate--it seems his intentions are only to learn more about his father. I have sworn the older mates to secrecy, I will not have my ship CURSED for the curiosity of this young man. My biggest worry lies in Keg-Leg, who shares 3rd watch with Sausalito and that is her favorite time to take a few drinks from that leg of hers!

Old/New Members/Updates
Ry the Scot has taken to slacking and I have given Sausalito the task of asking him to leave our ship. Not to worry, as Ms. Jaime (p)Irate is willing and able to take over on the ship. It didn't help Ry that he didn't even remember joining the crew, as he was very drunk the night I employed him. Subsequently, Sausalito has lost his ship credentials but I told him that he can take Ry's--that Scot is walking the plank!!!!! Yarrrr Matey!!!!

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MARS BITCHES!

So last nite was hella fun and completely free, as promised. I ended up meeting up with Stefan at his house. We had to drive up to the NE, b/c I left my phone @ his hockey game (after me and Jackie had a 20 min. convo about losing phones--insane) and someone turned it in so I WAS VERY LUCKY. Then we went to Rae and Leah's new place which is shaping up to be quite nice, although the stairs still scare the shite outta me. Jackie and her brother's girlfriend Nicki came and picked us up (thus leaving my car in Northern Liberties) and we went to BAR NOIR.

BAR NOIR was stellar. Music-wise it was pretty lame. It started with some great 80's but slowly deteriorated to hip hop. The walls were all painted with fake magazine ads, skulls and other interesting things. Turns out Jackie painted them--very cool. We had a lot of fun just getting trashed. The crew took me home so then of course this morning I woke up late (9.30am), but had received money from Stefan for a cab, so took one over to my car and got to work half an hour late. Bran was cool about it and paid me in full regardless. Good Man!

JD, Neary and Dane met me in KOP and we ate and saw KILL BILL Vol. 2 which I totally loved. It wasn't nearly as action-packed...but the story was so fun! I really liked DARYL HANNAH's character in it, and GORDON LIU's Pei Mei was probably my favorite part of the film. The entire scene was shot like a samurai film--absolutely classic.
Some of my favorite parts: the ending credits that show all the names that THE BRIDE killed being crossed out with the exception of ELLE (Hannah), who only gets a question mark/the 5 point exploding heart technique/Budd and his white trash spit can (JD had no idea what it was!!!)/the entire PEI WEI instructional scene--complete with crazy-fast extreme close ups and silly dialogue/contemplating who deserved to die more--BILL or THE BRIDE...

So yes, I've been wound up today. I'm majorly depressed b/c I was all set to go out and visit my parents next weekend but JD just reminded me today that this upcoming weekend is the DYNAMIC FORCES fan show/dinner with comic creators. As fun as it sounds--I really miss my fam and won't be able to go the week after either as we're going to PITT that weekend. Needless to say I'm being a pathetic little baby b/c I wanted to see me mum and Shell and everyone. I'm gonna start crying if I think about it anymore.

Ok, I'm gonna publish this bad boy and write a new post for my BELOVED SIDNEY news...

PS:Some closing thoughts:
+Digi Cable's 80's station is beyond sappy, but they did play "rock me amadeus"
+THE FLYERS won today against the devils, advancing them to the STANLEY CUP FINALS. Kickass!!
+Me and JD discussed the same fight we have over and over again and I think we understand each other better. I'm going to try to not "fix" every situation I think is bothering him and just agree with him or let him vent. He needs that--and I need to stop mothering everyone around me.

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4.14.2004

T-Minus 3.5 Hours

Work--Lunch--BORED. I have INVISIBLE MONSTERS to read but really don't feel like it. The rain and the lack of sun is making me so lethargic...argh. I finally got my ZOLOFT prescription refilled so tonite I can take one when I get home and attempt to chill. Maybe I'll clean or organize something instead of going on the internet and trying to find people to talk to.

Work is just boring today and I want to go home. I have MASTERS to check after I get back from lunch (5 mins) and that always SUCKS! But at least I'm not the one doing them anymore...

I need to think of something I can do tonite--cleaning the bathroom is mos def one. I have to wash my hair as well. Or I might go one more day with it up since its rainy anyway and my hair will like shite either way. Yes--that's probably what I'll do.

I'm just rambling.

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4.13.2004

WILL SHE KILL BILL???

So as a pop-culture addict, tis blasphemy that I FINALLY saw KILL BILL this evening, with the onslaught of Volume 2 this Friday. Took my bloody old time didn't I??? In a word--LOVED IT!

JD seems easily annoyed by animal noises. Moto's meowing doesn't make him nearly as crazy as bird noise, but it ranks a close second. I like kitty meows--makes me feel like she's talking to me. ::loves her cat way TOO MUCH::

So anyway, the movie was just really fucking cool. Like just smooth and slick, even as it was swiping scenes left and right from both American and Asian Cinema. The anime re-telling of ISHII's origin was probably one of my favorite parts. SONNY CHIBA rocked my socks off to. He was the actual SAMURAI SWORD ADVISOR for the film!!!! I was pulled in from the first moment that BLACK MAMBA uttered before being shot "the baby is yo-"; with the later scenes showing BILL as a man of some sort of code or morality (by not letting ELLE kill "THE BRIDE" in the hospital), even more questions are raised. That's fucking talent. I really hope to go see the second part now on Friday--I might've pulled all my hair out if I had seen it back when it actually came out!!!! Why do I smell bread all of sudden? *(I haven't even taken my tranqs yet I swear!)

I have a post card I got out of THE DRUIDS KEEP (the official meetingplace of the crew of YE BELOVED SIDNEY) bathroom about a needle-trading program. I'm gonna send it to Jacob. To remind him of his stupidity...

+JD got me the other macfarlane ICHIRO figure today. RAWK!!!!
+Stefan's championship game is THURS and now Keg Leg isn't sure she can go...suck
+I need to buy a stick and pads for the floor hockey game--and I don't even know if I'm gonna be any good. Argh...
+I have next Tuesday off for blood work and GORMAN. Its a day of medical locations for Manchesta' Mary
+My column is up and I'm very happy with it. Stefan said he liked it.
+I'm aching, but hopefully the tranqs will start kicking in soon--my jaw is starting to hurt too
+SYSTEM OF A DOWN rocks--you know a band rules when the B-side album kicks ass
+I miss talking with Stefan like I used to. Its just weird now.
+the corners of my lips are so chapped and I just keep touching them
+I got 2 new papercuts today
+I need my ZOLOFT stat
+FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

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4.12.2004

Rain Rain, go away...Come again another day

Tis sloppy and rainy outside. Usually I like this weather but I wanted to go out tonite and drink with me pirate pals but "areas of fog" and "dense rain" was keeping me in. Plus I'm "saving" money...I really hope I can keep that up. I just made my face bleed...again. I am fucked up.

It smells like sausages, I think my roomie just got up and started cooking breakfast. Now I'm hungry...damn the man--save the empire!!! My column went up tonite :what you should be:

Its very musical-themed, which is cool. I've been finding a lot of music lately, which makes up for listening to JACQUES non-stop for a straight month. Of course I'm listening to KEOKI again, but how could I not????

Now I want to go out. I'm starting to bite my nails, as if there is anything left to bite. Mommy told me Uncle John has liver cancer. He has to start chemo. I'm too fragile for things of this nature. ugh...
I just texted Keg Leg to see if she went out. I'm sure she did...I'm torturing myself now. Yes yes yes yes I am. Work was ok today. I got everything done that I needed to and Nicole once again only made a few mistakes but for the most part is picking up MASTERS quite well and is still able to help with other things. Which is Rokken like Dokken b/c I can take a full lunch now. If I can just force meself to stop buying lunch.

So then nothing and nothing and nothing...

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4.11.2004

Things I did this weekend that I said I wouldn't do:
1--drank alcohol
2--smoked like a chimney

Thats really about it. I did get all my bills paid and attempted to figure out how much I can spend for fun. Which means a lot less going out and a lot more "concentrating on my writing," because that's what people do when they don't have money. My article is going to be done and ready to go up for tomorrow. Of course there's that whole EASTER thing that we're doing--JD is one stellar man b/c he's taking us (i.e., me, him, his mum and her man) to MAGGIANOS. Yum. Today also marks Ze Moto Kitty turning 6 months old--MOTO HAS RISEN...

But the ciggies are almost gone and I won't be buying anymore. I will be going out tomorrow but not drinking...so tis all good.

The record player is hooked up so JD has been treated to DEAD KENNEDYS, ROB ZOMBIE and NILSSON this morning. The new CD/DVD player is hooked up to and its kicking some major ass...DAFT CLUB is in, making the house my own personal disco.

I didn't get home until 4 this morning. I drove Ms. Irate home and we stayed up and watched SCARLET DIVA, then I made her watch the SPARKS video b/c it is insane. We both have our obsessions. Mine just come out more in my writing...as everyone will see when I write about my thesis on KEOKI's last 2 CD's and what they mean for electronic music as a whole. God, I'm such a freak...

Ok, time to put the pedal to the metal and get some shite done before dinner.

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4.07.2004

Keoki-fied

I will have to admit @ some point that liking KEOKI is totally uncool. A self-proclaimed "superstar DJ," he is conceited and part of that scene of DJ's I'd rather not get into. But now having acquired KEOKI's newest (KILL THE DJ), I am liking him even more. Even downloading a song by him that I've never heard. KILL THE DJ is a mash-up, i.e., songs layered over each other, lyrics from Madonna over music from Duran Duran and shite like that. There are some definite misses, but the hits far outweigh them. The 80's music is EVERYWHERE on this CD, updating that synth-style for today's electro-youth. So yes, KEOKI may be popular and en vogue and all that--but he creates some damn good mixes that are both great to dance to as well to understand.

end more KEOKI notes

So its 9 o'clock, warm again, and I'm feeling good. Nicole is working out to be pretty good at picking up this stuff quick, and just the help she's giving me now is enough for me to catch up on other things. I stayed late today but it was really just to tie up some loose ends so I won't have to deal with them tomorrow morning and can focus on helping her. The stress is still there...but it has been alleviated 10-fold.

Wanted to go to a bar SOOOO BAD tonite. But curbed the need with some fast food and a drive around the city. I'm going to the Indy on Friday w/JD, we're gonna get Nicole and Kell to come out as well. Should be a fun time. I just have to maintain the note to self that drinking will do NOTHING except give me a headache the next day. I'll prolly just get amped on some red bulls. I have been writing down all the lil things I'm spending money on and hope to figure out my budget on Friday. What I'll prolly do is tonight start filling out the finance sheet that Keg Leg got me and be ready to allot only so much to the entertainment fund by Friday. I know I wanted to go out Saturday nite too, so I must plan well so I can hit FRIDAYS on Monday with ze comic shop crew. Blah Blah Blah I can't believe I'm blogging about organizing. I'm so uncool.

No one's online anymore when I am. It used to be like a nightly ritual to come online and chat it up with the usual suspects. Its a ghost town now--plus I'm outta the message board mindset right now. I'd rather talk to myself than post on my regular hangouts. Weird. Actually, I'm an anti-social OCD phobic, so I guess it makes perfect sense. Oh yes! I did apply to take part in the "100 poets day" or something like that @ Robin's Bookstore on the 18th. So that might be cool. They are still judging the contest that I entered and so I'm keeping those fingers crossed. I really didn't hold back with what I submitted this time. I think its time for action, not holding all my pretty poems and being stingy with what I expose and what I don't. Its all or nothing.

More trouble with Larry and Jennifer and this ridiculous and scary claim that Larry has some parental right to my Shell-Bell. It scares me so much but I'm trying to be strong and not think about it. He doesn't have a leg to stand on. His selfishness is overshadowed only by the fact that HE DOES NOT DESERVE TO KNOW SHELLY. That girl is the coolest thing since sliced bread and he is not good enough for her. Argh...my mom is being steadfast though and refuses to stop the process. This needs to be done. Shelly is part of our family and we're gonna make it legal baby!!!

I'm so glad its Thursday already. nuff said.

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4.06.2004

In Da Daft Club After Hours...

DAFT CLUB--Remixes from DISCOVERY--good stuff, though not as good as I'd hoped. But mos def worth the bucks! And JD bought another KEOKI cd...rad!

I just started my next column...we were supposed to see JERSEY GIRL tonite but there were no places in Joisey playing it later than 7:30pm. SUCK! Not that I think its going to be good, just wanna see myself (i'm so vain, I even think this blog is about me!). But I am doing some complete randomness for my column this time. I think it may work out really well or be too obscure for people...but either way...I have my mind set and so I will make it happen.

Things I want to talk about:
1--KEOKI
2--MICHEL GONDRY
3--HORROR POP's "miss takes"
**and kurt, the band project, SPARKS**

I have notes for almost all these things its now just expanding and finessing. My thoughts have been so scattered...it seems that this is the hardest place for me to focus my motivation. But I shall prevail as writing and thinking about writing is FREE and I need FREE things to do.
I started training Nicole today and she's catching on pretty quick. Little details are gonna be the thing that kills her but it will be so nice to not have to worry about MASTERS anymore...::sigh::

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4.05.2004

SYSTEM OF A DOWN--Not just for breakfast anymore...

The Horrorpops--"Miss Takes" is my favoritest song right now. Its how I feel sometimes. I left it @ work though...like a dope. Explain to me the reasoning behind being so vain while being so easy to compromise oneself for the sake of others??? I am a walking contradiction...

I'm sooooooooooo bored. All I wanted to do was come home and browse ze internet since its been so long since I've had a cable modem. But no one's online so I'm forced to entertain myself which I find hard to do when in this condition. I got my financial planning packet from Keg Leg today...her and Johnny are @ FRIDAYS...and I'm here. How am I ever going to save money if I can't spend one measly evening alone? Christ--I'm such a baby. I think I may have secured Sausalito as a travelling companion for a trip to me parent's in 2 weeks. Then the following week we head to the PITT CON. I work the next 2 Saturdays @ Ye Olde Comic Book Shoppe so I can have off for the Con. I really want to go to a few different bars this time in Harrisburg--and Stefan is the perfect companion for that--his easy going attitude relaxes me for such adventures. I just hope he doesn't flake on me...he didn't give me a definite answer...only time will tell.

So tomorrow my job may actually start taking a turn for the better, as we are getting a new person on our team, someone to take the MASTERS off me (the information I have to prepare for US Customs). I will have to start training her (I already know her through from her previous job, so at least I know she has some sort of grasp on it!) tomorrow, hoping to get her up to speed by next week. It will be very weird, but I'm hoping it will take the strain off of me and allow me to actually like my job again. Today wasn't horrendous though, and we were down one person. I was able to get all my MASTERS done and stayed late only as a precaution for tomorrow. My back is killing me, but I'm pretty sure that's my bad posture and not my stress.

Michel Gondry rants

the DIRECTORS LABEL series was created by Spike Jonze and is the neatest invention since ON DEMAND...seeing a plethora of my fave video's on one director's DVD in particular was reason for JD to purchase MICHEL GONDRY's collection for me. GONDRY is America's current geek darling as the director of CHARLIE KAUFMAN's ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND. But even the design of GONDRY's video collection is cute and appealing on its own. Set up as each song represented by a different colored pencil, you can choose to PLAY ALL, SHUFFLE, or play just select people's videos. And musicians that have worked with GONDRY are both dramatic (BJORK) and uber-modern cool (THE WHITE STRIPES). My favorite offering is DAFT PUNKS 'around the world' which features a simple choreographed dance number that is so syncopated and sychronized that it will make your head hurt thinking about it. GONDRY is the king of visual manipulation--his CHEMICAL BROTHERS and KYLIE MINOGUE vid's prove that--but the beauty of GONDRY's work is the absolute effort and precision that seem to go in every song is displayed perfectly on the screen. For $14, over 25 videos plus a short film and documetaries that I have yet to watch, this should be in your collection...like now!

end GONDRY notes
KEOKICLASH notes

As of late, there has been a great debate between me, Stefan and Ry the Scot on the theme of DJ KEOKI’s KEOKICLASH. I picked this up quite by accident, having stumbled upon it in BORDERS and saw that there was a remix of “Rippin Kittin” that I’d never heard before. As soon as I told Stefan who the CD was mixed by—he was all like “WHAT???” b/c it seems that KEOKI was a raver DJ back in the day, and quite the drug fiend. Ry thinks that KEOKI is totally rejecting his younger days of spinning and cashing in on the Electro movement. I have listened to this CD extensively (it has not left my rotation since I got it a month ago) and the theme that comes across to me is far different than Ry’s cut and dry thesis.

KEOKI starts out his CD in full 90’s mode with a slightly queer rant. The repeated line “I am legendary you are not” is not only topical for the “you better work” scene of the 90’s but almost crosses over into the “kittenz and the glitz” of Electro. The next 2 songs focus on the drug scene and its bad effects, Miss Kittin says in her monotone accent “sex drugs and rock and roll…its over.” PBD (permanent brain damage) is also addressed. The negativity towards drugs may seem like KEOKI is denying his past experiences but I really think addressing them and showing that he has moved beyond them is displayed more. The song that really rams his idea home is the voice over which says matter-of-factly “that? That was the “Rave Revolution” of the youth, sort of like a mockery of rave reality…they thought it was all about smiles and sweetness, flowers and candy, but there is something bitter to taste. And to think that there isn’t is foolish” I think KEOKI is trying to say that he has realized the darkness can be in the music, not in the drug use and pill popping. Electro has that dark and dirty edge that maintains the confidence of its predecessors without the blatant drug culture connection. I have to believe that KEOKI has embraced a new type of music while paying homage to his roots. It’s a journey of sorts illustrated through music.

end of notes

In other news, I’m feeling about 1000 times better than I did last week. The jaw tension is gone, most likely from the tranq-popping. Getting a full night’s sleep no doubt helps—I didn’t even hear Ze Moto Kitty meowing @ the door last nite. THAT, my friends, is a good night’s sleep!!!
I’m done drinking…for awhile. I need to save money. I want to buy a car by next year. Plus we have about a zillion conventions we’re attending and I would like to have money to spend without charging anything. I realize that I have debt and maybe sort of always will, but I’m not charging anymore. I took the credit cards outta my wallet—hopefully that will help.

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4.04.2004

Shattered Glass...and Red Candles

It is 11pm, really 10pm but because of the arcane tradition of daylight savings time we are forced to think it is an hour ahead than it really is. JD is in the other room having a particularly loud tourettes episode (me and eric have concurred that JD much have a non-vulgar form of tourettes). Moto is crawling all over desk and hardware--but really I came on hear to talk about SHATTERED GLASS.

Do not believe that Hayden Christiensen is a bad actor b/c of his bloody wooden turn in THE ATTACK OF THE CLONES. I am a original STAR WARS nut, so much fo the point that I have a tattoo, but believe me when I say that GEORGE LUCAS has compleletly ruined one of the greatest sci-fi epics of all time. Bastard.

Anyway, SHATTERED GLASS is both restrained yet overwhelmingly desperate. CHRISTENSEN plays real-life fabricator Stephen Glass with a pathetic quiet that rips at your heart and forces the back of the throat to dry with uneasiness. As far as the female characters--they are disposable and even more restrained in their personalization. The two main female roles (CHLOE SEVIGNY and some other girl that was in COYOTE UGLY) are easily silenced by their male counterparts. The real gems come in the aforementioed CHRISTENSEN and supporting actors PETER SAARSGARD and HANK AZARIA who both play editors to Glass. SAARSGARD is the most heart-wrenching portrayal, as a new editor seeking approval and the need to show his loyalty to his writers. But when Glass' story about a hacking convention is exposed, SAARSGARD's character must throw away all he hopes to gain to show the truth where Glass has created fiction.

***end of notes for my next WHAT YOU SHOULD BE***

THE DESERT SESSIONS--featuring the likes of JOSH HOMME, TWIGGY RAMIREZ and the lover-ly PJ HARVEY is spellbinding! So much fun and just a great little rock record.

"Miss Takes" by HORRORPOPS is NO DOUBT delicious...the hook is easily memorized and made for repeated playings. JD is way more into the other bands put on a specially made CD for me by Ms. Irate, indeed, a CD of what she wants her band to sound like. A band that I will hope to join greatly, ready to fight tooth and nail to get something going with the likes of J to the Rizzock, Elisha and Lil John. Not quite rockabilly, garage rock, lo fi pop fuzziness is how I would describe it. If that makes even one bit of sense.

So my sorta friends (I call them sorta b/c they are really Stefan and Ry The Scot's friends--but every once in awhile I get to hang with them) Wayne (BRITISH!!! ACCENT!!!) and Beth just moved into their newly built house in NORTHERN LIBERTIES, the uber arty area of Philly that has Ze Brickthrower's name written all over it. The house is bloody gorgeous...I spent a few hours drinking wine and enjoying the fresh surroundings. Today was such a bust...we were supposed to see the Phillies game but the weather was such shite that we ended up going there, getting our free food, walking the entire length of the park and leaving. We didn't even stay to see if the game was called. The wet and the cold was enough for us. I have to work at Ze Comic Shop the next 2 Saturdays so I can have off for the Pitt Con.

On top of that, I'm already set to obsess about next week for this week, as my co-worker is taking the week off, the very same week that my other co-worker leaves for another job. Joy. I'll be poppin' tranqs like candy hoping that I don't bash my own head in with my keyboard. I had to stay late on Friday and managed to get my 4th straight week of overtime. I'm also starting a budget which will either finally come together or fail miserably like so many other things I've tried.

I want to go see the 'rents in 2 weeks. And I want to get Kell or Stefan to come out with me. Its much more fun when I have someone along to veg with. Plus I would like to go to Harrisburg and see the cool clubs that my sister doesn't work at. Nothing against her--I wish she could come out too. But her bar is like HIGH SCHOOL DANCE V.5.0 Ugh. I need a cigarette. And some proper motivation. And the will to go outside...

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