You Can't Talk to a Psycho Like a Normal Human Being...

Current mood: optimistic
My car was recovered--wrecked on one side, all the windows broken and tires flat, yeah...looks like this will be my 2nd car totalled. My parents will have to say that I drive in Philadelphia now and that will raise their rates--they are probably going to take me off their insurance and I am going to go w/o a car for a year or two. I just can't afford it right now. And I'm getting around alright w/o a car so far.

People I want to kill...and people I'm glad I know.
My Hanzo sword will stay sheathed until I spring into action, ninja-style, and take care of those that have betrayed me and those that have taken no responsibility for their actions. I don't deserve the attitude...not from you or anyone else. You know who the fuck you are!


(((awwww...come here...you need a hug!))) Replacing the vileness that has invaded my world of Ze Wretched has come 2 Knights in Shining Armor, both bearing the burden of dealing with my insanity and chaos in strikingly different yet highly effective means. Taking my cat in, driving me places that I need to get to, helping me calm down in the midst of a breakdown, telling me the truth where others weren't. I am blessed right now. Buddha has helped me cope with my sister (so has my mother who finally took the burden off me), and I am seeing who my real friends are. I have been told this past week that I was 'gift'...but really I feel like I've been receiving gifts in people where others have failed me miserably.

So I get to see Kell on Friday--we're going to the KHYBER to see the RED TOPS play and I haven't seen my girl. Tonight is LOST with Ze Moto and JD; I'm also getting my personal items back from the guy that found them on the street by the Barbary in NE Philly. Tomorrow is THE SHITE! THE KILLERS with Frank, we're leaving work early but will still be in @ 9am for work on Friday. On Saturday or Sunday i'm going to see THE CORPSE BRIDE with Carey.
Other than that--you can probably find me at my local bar or writing out checks and watching LOST reruns.

Rock N Roll.
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Currently listening: Only By Nine Inch Nails Release date: By 23 August, 2005

CLARK GABLE -- By Postal Service

I was waiting for a cross-town train in the London underground when it struck me
That I've been waiting since birth to find a love that would look and sound like a movie
So I changed my plans and rented a camera and a van and then I called you
"I need you to pretend that we are in love again" and you agreed to

I want so badly to believe that "there is truth, that love is real"
And I want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd

I greased the lens and framed the shot using a friend as my stand-in
The script it called for rain but it was clear that day so we faked it
The marker snapped and I yelled "quiet on the set" and then called "action!"
And I kissed you in a style that Clark Gable would have admired
(I thought it classic)

I want so badly to believe that "there is truth, that love is real"
And I want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd

I know you're wise beyond your years, but do you ever get the fear
That your perfect verse is just a lie you tell yourself to help you get by?

lyrics by POSTAL SERVICE
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|==Love will Tear Us Apart==|

THE BAD NEWS: My car was stolen and certain people have been lying to me. really, that's it for the bad news. I mean other than the fact that my mom is livid and I'm in the middle b/c I trusted the driver and then I get into this mess. Gah...its a long story and I refuse to further incriminate anyone. I'm giving my mom her number and vice versa today and telling them to settle it. I wasn't even there, the car's not in my name, I don't know how else I can help.

Needless to say, with this past years insanely horrible luck with cars, I'm thinking of giving up on them for awhile--esp. considering I can't drive right now. I'm quitting cold turkey. I lost my records, my HARRY POTTER book set, my ikea chair, some computer stuff, luckily some nice musician found my personal items like photos and files, the thiefs must've left that stuff for dead. My TIE FIGHTER! I've had that forever kittlings. As Dane said just a bit ago--I'm batting 1000 with the shite going down right now.

THE GOOD NEWS: I met JD on South St. and much to my chagrin, he had not told his hair stylist that I was going to be there. After much whispering JD loudly proclaimed "yes, I am talking to my ex-fiance" to the answer of applause and "ooohs" and "ahhs". I was probably blushing red as a beet. As I know this will happen alot--people are suprised to see me and him together again after the animosity and the hurt. And please--don't misconstrue my words--we're going very slow and still talking about things that happened in the past. There are still wounds that are fresh b/c of the utter isolation we had from each other for awhile. It was just VERY comfortable. We had good conversation, strained at times, but he took me to VARALLI--this kickass seafood place on Broad and we did the TOWER RECORDS loop and he asked me as we were leaving the restaurant if I was forgetting everything and that just shows how well he knows me. I feel like right now I"m still in that dating period and I love my new place but I also feel very satisfied to have him in my life again. That's all there is to say about that.

After gellin' with JD for a few hours, I met Frank @ MANNY BROWNS and we had a few drinks, a shot, and then went back to my house for some gellin' and DVD watching. A trip to TATTOOED MOMS took place, then we went back to my place, then decided on a whim b/c Frank couldn't stay over (he has a dog) to drive back to Jerzee and continue the party. I had NO intentions of furthering a budding friendship but he kept me calm during the car debacle...we had a good time just chillin' and watching TV, drinkin' and keepin each other company. He dropped me off Saturday and a few hours later I was getting ready to leave for his house again. So yes, I spent the weekend in Jerzee. And I finally got to open mouth kiss after a 2 week hiatus. And I don't know where I'm going with Frank but he's a doll and I'm happy to have met him.

I'm going to see my cat today, bring her litter and clean up any necessary messes. I got to see Jonathan last night as he joined me for drinks @ Manny's then LOST watching with Care. All in all a good weekend...you know besides that whole GRAND THEFT AUTO thang.

FUCK THAT SHITE! PABST BLUE RIBBON!
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No Karma Pedestian Instead Karma Spring Cleaning

Current mood: peaceful
I've said it before and I'll say it again...the only thing from the fantastical world of HARRY POTTER I wish were real was the ability to APPARATE and DISAPPARATE. Could come in very useful at times.

Work isn't the stress fest anymore, even with the uncovering of some trash that mos def needed to be thrown out. The janitors should have it all squared away by the end of the day.
LX should get an official "ORACLE of ALL THINGS DRAMA" award. He called this Sunday. It was like everything he said came true. That is indeed, something to laugh about.

SOMETHING NOT TO LAUGH ABOUT: My car was in an accident. Still trying to get this squared away as I'm on suspension and wasn't driving nor anywhere near the car. Details forthcoming.

Jo-EL never made it out. I'm done putting forth as much effort. I'll see him when I see him.
Plans for the weekend:
Tonight: meeting JD on South St...we're gonna do the TOWER RECORDS loop and then I'm swinging back to my stomping grounds for a meet up with Frank for drinking and general debauchery.
Tomorrow: don't know.
Sunday: FUCK ALL. Its a FUCK ALL sunday for me.

Shout out to KEG LEG for being an awesome girl and willing to look out for me with every step of the way. Shout out to JD for listening to my horrible KELLY OSBOURNE cd and not mocking me for it. :Wink:
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Currently listening: Danse Macabre By Faint Release date: By 21 August, 2001

THE SHAME OF THE GARAGE

Leo, I swear
I'm not your whore
no matter how many times
you kiss my neck
grab my bare skin

I am laughing it off
brushing it off
grinning and bearing it
not getting paid except in
divine degradation

Knowing I have a boy at home
waiting for me while I
begrudgingly dispense digits

I didn't want to have to
do this Leo
I am being serious now
when I say this is the
last peck on the cheek

You are being so demanding
and I am exposing how pathetic
I am for letting your
hands roam me with an intimacy
you were never granted.

Sure take another cigarette
from my 6 dollar pack
even though you didn't ask

BUT YOU NEVER ASKED FOR ANYTHING
DID YOU LEO?

Take and take and take
Followed me past aisles of
lights and blinkers
No windows in here but alot
of mirrors.
So I can look into my own eyes
and be reminded of how little
I value myself.
(9.15.2005)
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And I want life in every word

...to the extent that its absurd. The trip to Reno was eventful in the way that I got to see my brother and my nephews and meet his totally cool girlfriend. I had to see his ex-wife which SUCKED but what can you do?
The first night there I went down to play the slots even thought it was technically 3am our time. I met Greg, native from Trinidad with gorgeous dreads and a nice accent. He would prove to be the only boy worthy of talking to the entire time. I also met Leo—which got a poem written about him but I’ll post that later. He was fucking scary. And that’s all I’m going to say about that.

I have pictures and will post them soon with commentary. Needless to say I lost a lot of my money and some of my dad’s money. I played Roulette and Blackjack for the first time EVER and sucked at both of them. Reno has really really grown.

***THE FOLLOWING IS A WORK OF GLAMORIZED REALITY PLAYED UP AND EXAGGERATED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY***
Fuck that. Let's just pretend none of this ever happened.

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Viva Reno!!!

Today I leave for Reno, NV and will be there until Thursday.
I may have time to blog, I may not...we shall see.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO FRANKIE B.!!!

See ya soon suckazzzzz~

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White Light//White Light//White Light//Alcohol-Alcohol-White Light!

Tonights the night. Tonights the night. Tonights the night. Tonights the night. But before we go into WHITE LIGHT-ALCOHOL, let me tell my kittlings about Thursday.

I have been talking quite extensively to a fellow MYSPACE'r--Harlos, and he invited me over to watch movies, listen to music, drink some beers, and be generally skeeved out by his Ferret named Curry (they are too big for me to find cute--I know its a weird quirk but whatever).

Harlos is super nice and understands alot of the family shite I'm going through right now. We were watching RULES OF ATTRACTION (hahahahaha) and then who should call but Jo-El, looking to come down the city and spend a few hours with yours truly. I jumped all over that...telling Harlos that I wanted to see him before I left for vacay...and so I left Harlos' a little early to meet up with Jo-El @ Mannys.

My girl waitress was there but I'm quite sure she smiles and looks pretty to everyone...so I waited for her to approach me. She never did. It was cool as it was $1.50 Lager nite, Jo-el was buying, and when I mentioned us "dating" he didn't cringe or retaliate. That's a good sign. He is also keen on keeping my car while my license is suspended, so he can come visit me more -AND- stay over as well. This was a GREAT thing to hear.

We went back to my house and chilled, watching ALI G and -NOT- kissing b/c of my piercing (no open mouth contact for 2 weeks--luckily one of those weeks is going to be on vacay!). He left around 3:30am; didn't get to bed until 4am; but woke up and made it to work on time despite the fact my alarm is fucking with me again.

WHITE LIGHT-ALCOHOL
Me and Trey J are going back and forth on what to wear. I went from thinking I would do something very conservative to wearing my asian mini-dress, wide fishnets, and knee high boots. It will go better with the recently shaved head and piercing. I feel like I"m going to prom but really--its my goddamn 25th birthday/engagement party!!! After hours will be taking place @ BAR NOIR...FLICK is escorting me and if that bastard doesn't get dressed up in a suit I will have to kill someone. Jo-El doesn't think he'll be able to make it out but that's actually ok b/c I need to get as much sleep as possible, then head over to Ry's before catching a train to my rents. Ze Moto is being picked up by Dane and Ry is keeping the car until Jo-El can take it.

I feel like I need to get about a million things done in a very short amount of time but I guess this is when I thrive the most.
What do I say? ROCK N ROLL.
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This Station is Non-Operational

For my birthday, Trey J surprised me by taking me to INFINITE and getting my labret pierced! I was able to get a spike done right away so right now I'm in absolute *lurve* with my lower lip, where a silver spike resides like it was meant to be there. She got her belly button jewelry put back in, and it was so easy I'm considering get the 2 lip rings on either side now as well. I would like to consider this piercing an engagement gift as well.

When I called me mum to warn her, she didn't sound too keen on it. But then again--I didn't think they would be. We went to T-Mom's after for drinks and word dojo, rolled into the apt. at a totally decent hour, and set up Ze Moto moving in with Dane. Hopefully this will be her last move for a long while. She's been through as much moving around as I have!

(((I know we're not the greatest of friends right now--but you can't even borrow my car? Its the little things that kill man)))

DID YOU KNOW....? In addition to my titles of QUEEN OF THE PATHETIC, ZE WRETCHED and ZE BRICKTHROWER, you can now also refer to me as CUNT. At least that's what i hear.

Tonight I'm meeting up with this kid from MYSPACE for some drinking and gellin'. I have Trey J set up to call me at a certain time and make sure things are going ok. So I'm going home, packing, and then walking over to Locust and Broad.

Joely D wasn't able to make it up last night so I can only hope I see him on Saturday after Lily Langtree's. Saturday afternoon I leave for my parents house.

I don't want to be here. Its too nice outside, I'm bored with work, and its freezing. BLECH!
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The New Obsession

Not having cable has its advantages. It allows me to watch the same movies over and over again, feeding my OCD and repetitive nature. In the past couple weeks I have watched (multiple times): UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADE, EDDIE IZZARD, FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS, SPUN, SEX AND THE CITY, TENACIOUS D, NAPOLEON DYNAMITE, and of course…THE RULES OF ATTRACTION.

I *heart* this movie so much that I could probably watch it every single day; its like really being into a band and just having that one album. You love it so much and its so played out but you NEED it. SHANNYN SOSSAMON, with the recent weather change, has become my fashion idol. I love her style in this film. I love the little Bran-look-alike spazzed out coke dealer that JAMES VAN DER BEEK fucks with. I find IAN SOMERHALDER to be absolutely smoldering b/c, as we all know, I’m a sucker for a suit.

So when I should be rearranging my room or typing up something or doing ANYTHING productive, I am probably going through my closet to find more SHANNYN-esque clothing and watching THE RULES OF ATTRACTION for the millioneth time.

That’s it. The end.

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A Quarter of a Century...Put on Your Party Hat!!!

Sounds horrible when its said like that doesn't it??? Or maybe I'm just a whiny little girl.

Here are the events of the weekend, in chronologically order and some things omitted to protect the guilty.

FRIDAY: was propsed to by TRE J--accepted the ring which I'm now wearing. Ate Lorenzo's pizza.

SATURDAY: Sold video games for money. Went to MANNY's with Jonathan--were invited over to B&W's for cocktails. It was pretty low key and come 11:30-ish my boy Joely calls to see what I'm up to. We stayed up watching UCB and chillin' It was super sweet.

SUNDAY: Had breakfast @ South St. Diner...he had to leave to get back to the burbs for work that night...Care took me to the IRON PIG PRODUCTIONS play called PAY UP for the fringe festival. It was awesome. Had drinks @ CUBA LIBRE and SKINNERS, then came home and waited for Joel to get done work. He came over, we went for last call @ MANNYS; I saw the one waitress that is alway really nice to me and she's super cute. Went home and listened to music--drunk and talking too much about "us" when 2 weeks ago we agreed to take it slow and nothing serious. I told him not to mind me or my obsessions. He was a perfect gentleman. We fell asleep downstairs listening to MUSE and it was uber nice.

MONDAY: Went to see my cat with Joel in tow; Rae and Ry were just chillin'. We watched the series finale of ENTOURAGE and then walked to like 3 different bars looking for a place to drink and grab food. EVERYTHING in No-Libs was closed. Ended up have Ry drive us to CHAMPPS, where we had some yummy drinks, good food, and then I bought WAY TOO MANY CDS:

+GORILLAZ DEMON DAYS

+AT THE DRIVE IN THIS STATION IS NON-OPERATIONAL

+WHITE STRIPES DE STIJL & ELEPHANT

+CKY AN ANSWER CAN BE FOUND

By this time it was about 5 in the afternoon, Ry and Rae dropped us off and we had time to kill before quizo @ THE NEW WAVE. Listened to some more music, had Joely shave my head, did some laundry...talked to Mike R. then did Quizo and got 3rd place. Met up with Tre J for birthday drinks @ MANNYs (my girl wasn't there--suck!) and going home and falling asleep to THE D in concert, Joel left, I went to bed, and all was right in the world.

Supposed to go to a show with Flick and Tre J on Wednesday--Joely D is down to come hang out so I can only keep my fingers crossed on that one.

TONIGHT: Rachel is taking me out for drinks @ MINT. Tre may join us; I'm gonna officially celebrate on Friday when we hit up LILY LANGTREES. I wish I could buy a new dress but oh well--I'll make something work.

On Friday my license suspension starts; Saturday I go out to my parents b/c Sunday me and my father fly FIRST FUCKING CLASS out to Reno for the week. SOOOOOO ready for a vacation. Should be fun.

BIRTHDAY.BRICKTHROWER.ROCK.

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Birthday Cancelled in Fit of Apathy

I was supposed to meet with some poeople last minute @ the NEW WAVE CAFE for Birthday drinks but I have cancelled due to general malaise that has been persistent since this morning.

Anxiety, persistent worry and the need to watch depressing movies about drugs and suicide are also in the mix.

I am listening to THE DRESDEN DOLLS and I feel like the shadow of a person. When depression hits me like this its hard to think consistently about the problems of the world (KATRINA which his just horrible and mind-numbing in its horrors; for crying out loud someone left a puppy tied to a tree during the evacuation. The puppy was saved but I don't see the problem with tying that guy up and letting water rush in up to his eyeballs for a bit.) or perhaps the suckiness that is the FALL OF THE HOUSE OF NO-LIBS, my bills not paid, my mail floating around between 3 different places...none of them my real home.

My sister keeps an ache in my heart far deeper than anything on my mind, except for the fact that I can only focus on how to obliterate all feeling even though the day is beautiful and I went out with Tre-J for a gift for a friend and then sat at the fountain on 2nd street and watched the world go by. That was made me really sad...that's the funny part. It was so nice and I just could not enjoy it in any way.

The need to cuddle overwhelms me but Joely D is working as he does all weekend and who knows if he really wants to cuddle anyway or if I have set myself to be some geeky call girl with a great DVD collection and more pirate parphenalia than should be allowed in one room.

Cubed is gonna totally identify and be upset by this statement--but I could use some NYQUIL right about now. Yesterday I was on top of the world and now I have fallen off the side with a hideous THUD. RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR. I haven't been officially diagnosed with this type but its fitting the bill real well.

I would tell you about the date with Matt last night or perhaps that I ran into Frank from the Navy Yard or maybe that LILY LANGTREES is mos def on with FLICK and I want to buy a new dress but can't afford it so I have to come up with an alternative. I could go into great detail and bore you all but instead I will work on the new poem that has been swirling around my head for days now. But I leave you with these lyrics b/c they fit so well right now:

good day (((by DRESDEN DOLLS)))
so you dont want to hear about my good song?

and you dont want to hear about how i am getting on

with all the things that i can get done

the sun is in the sky & i am by my lonesome

so you don't want to hear about my good day?

you have better things to do than to hear me say
god its been a lovely day! everything is going my way

i took out the trash today and i'm on fire...
so you don't want to hear about my good friends?

you dont have the guts to take the truth or consequence

success is in the eye of the beholder

and its looking even better over your cold shoulder
i'm not suggesting you up and line me up for questioning

but jesus think about the bridges you are burning

and i'm betting

that even though you knew it from the start
you'd rather be a bitch than be an ordinary broken heart
so go ahead and talk about your bad day...

i want all the details of the pain and misery

that you are inflicting on the others

i consider them my sisters and i'd like their numbers
god its been a lovely day!

everything is going my way

i took up croquet today and i'm on fire
i picked up the pieces of my broken ego

i have finally made my peace as far as you and me go

but i'd love to have you up to see the place

& i'd like to do more than survive i'd like to rub it in your face.....
hey! its been a lovely day!

everything is going my way

i had so much fun today and i'm on fire

god it's been a lovely day everything's been going my way

ever since you went away hey i'm on fire.....

i'm on fire...

i'm on fire...

so you dont want to hear about my good day?

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