The late night sway...

So its 3 in the morning. No work tomorrow. Came home and cried b/c I have to spend money fixing my god forsaken tire that now seems to have gotten a nice size hole in it. Nice enough that I had to fill it up twice while I was out (once when I got to Stefan Francois' and once when on me way home). Money I don't have. Money i've spent on other dumb things that I was somehow able to rationalize with phrases in my head like "well, its a special occasion" or "I don't have as many bills next week so I should be fine." Ugh--I disgust myself with my mindless self-indulgence. I just reek of lack of willpower (the newest fragrance from Calvin Klein).

So tomorrow I have me shrink and then maybe bloodwork but first and foremost is getting my tire plugged up. I'm also planning on visiting fellow shipmate, Ms. (p)Irate @ Ye Olde Comic Book Shoppe, and meeting up with Keg-Leg later on. This will be my first day off in a long time. Needless to say I'm ready for it!!!!

Tonite I went over to Leah and Rae's with Stefan. I am once again letting stupid shite bother me that I shouldn't even worry about. Even Stefan said that I shouldn't care. The analyzing is about Stefan's new girl and whether or not she likes me. Stefan is one of my closest friends, even its only been a year that we've really known each other. And even that silly muppet-lookin' motherfucker said "don't worry about if someone likes you, worry about if you like them. God--its so true! But I don't even think that way. Attention Whore, aka Ms. Brickthrower needs to be noticed and loved by everyone. Ugh...I see these traits in me; I can list them alphabetically and explain them in great detail. Do I do a damn thing to change them? HELL NO! Anyway, me and Stefan had a fun time. Rae and Leah wanted to watch RW/RR INFERNO so that was cool; afterwards we walked back to me car but first stopped off @ 700 Club to have a nightcap and then I went on my not so merry way as my goddamn tire is making me feel like my entire day is ruined tomorrow.

I talked to Jake today. He is dating this girl Lauren and he sounds SUPER into her and all I can think is "thank god." I just want that goddamn asshole of a former best friend to get his act together and shite. He told me his HEP count is still high but his liver and kidneys look ok, so they're waiting 6 months and testing again. If his HEP count is still high they will need to do a liver biopsy. But he was sounding in good spirits and like him old self. That is always a good thing.

I was @ work till bloody 6.30pm trying to make sure things were ok for tomorrow. Even with everyone back on the team, it still felt like hell. Donna was stressed and I was just so out of it from the night before that I was able to keep my mind off it and just focus on the 6 million bookings I must've put in. Just the non-stop endless cycle of bullshite is wearing on me and Donna both. We're both people of order and organization. Its hard to be organized when everything is changing around you, and people keep throwing obstacles in your way.

I can hear the morning birds chirping...I can't believe I stayed up this late. I was talking with J to the Rizzock until about 10 mins ago. I'm starting to get that ache. The ache of those that need to sleep.