Agenda Suicide
You know who you are:
I talked to you on Sunday and I knew that you were in a bad way. After all, I had seen this before with your boyfriend in high school. I knew how hurt you could get. But when you threatened to hurt yourself--I didn't believe you. And I tried sympathy, and empathy, and finally anger to make you get control of yourself. I said if you threatened harm again then I would call someone and make them take you to the hospital. You said you weren't serious.
Once again I'm left in the dark of the details, the higher ups seem to think that hiding these things from me is a good idea b/c of the shite I"m dealing with now. But goddammit--WHY DIDN"T YOU CALL ME??? I said to call me if you needed me. You didn't have to resort to this. And you may say now that it was a cry for help and you didn't intend to actually do it but all I see in that statement is selfishness. I could've lost you and TO WHAT???? To prove a point to some boy that means less than nothing to me?
I'm so angry with you right now. I'm so sad that you resorted to this. "you may have a comfy bed to sleep in" at the hospital, but I have to mask my pain and keep on going, act like everything is ok, work and keep sane so that I don't fall apart. I hate you right now for making me worry like this. I can't even talk to you. Hence this letter--which you might never read but I need to say something to someone right now or I'm going to collapse into a violent mess on the floor.
You know I love you. You have no right to leave here before I do.
(((as depressed and as sad as I've ever been, and joked about slitting my wrists, I WOULD NEVER DO IT. I'll never joke about it again)))
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I talked to you on Sunday and I knew that you were in a bad way. After all, I had seen this before with your boyfriend in high school. I knew how hurt you could get. But when you threatened to hurt yourself--I didn't believe you. And I tried sympathy, and empathy, and finally anger to make you get control of yourself. I said if you threatened harm again then I would call someone and make them take you to the hospital. You said you weren't serious.
Once again I'm left in the dark of the details, the higher ups seem to think that hiding these things from me is a good idea b/c of the shite I"m dealing with now. But goddammit--WHY DIDN"T YOU CALL ME??? I said to call me if you needed me. You didn't have to resort to this. And you may say now that it was a cry for help and you didn't intend to actually do it but all I see in that statement is selfishness. I could've lost you and TO WHAT???? To prove a point to some boy that means less than nothing to me?
I'm so angry with you right now. I'm so sad that you resorted to this. "you may have a comfy bed to sleep in" at the hospital, but I have to mask my pain and keep on going, act like everything is ok, work and keep sane so that I don't fall apart. I hate you right now for making me worry like this. I can't even talk to you. Hence this letter--which you might never read but I need to say something to someone right now or I'm going to collapse into a violent mess on the floor.
You know I love you. You have no right to leave here before I do.
(((as depressed and as sad as I've ever been, and joked about slitting my wrists, I WOULD NEVER DO IT. I'll never joke about it again)))
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posted by Mary E. Brickthrower at 7:22:00 AM
1 Comments:
I can imagine that loving somebody who would attempt something like that is as painful as whatever caused them to do such a horrible thing in the first place. Hugz to you, girlie.
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