The Haze…

Its not even depression anymore. Malaise is a good word for it as well. The fact that although I have been getting quite a bit of sleep and progressing nicely with my writing and my MK DECEPTION playing, I’m staying home and feeling absolutely nothing. I miss certain things. If I talk about them here I’m liable to get into trouble so its best just to leave it at that. Unloved, uncared for, a slight amusement for those around me and most of the time I’m not even that.

My father, instead of hugging and kissing us and telling us that he loved us would show his love with materials. Whether it be money, or food on the table, or helping me find a new car. This is how I know my daddy loves me. I am very accustom to it from him. I am needy in my friendships in a way I would never be with my family. I need that contact more than I need air. My skin is cold…and its not b/c of the manufactured air blowing down on my head from the vents. I am just without…without anything at all.

I am close to broke again and what do I have to show for it? A chicken quesadilla and some alcohol. Rock’n’Roll.

I’m pretty sure my cat still loves me though…
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