[review] THE AMITYVILLE HORROR

First and foremost, RYAN REYNOLDS used to annoy me. He doesn't annoy me anymore. Mr. Reynolds Sir, you are now officially GIRL PORN APPROVED©. And your axe dragging is JACK TORRANCE worthy! My favorite part of the body on a man? The indentation on either side of the six pack below the waist. I'm just sayin'.

Let me preface this by saying Friday night I spent researching the AMITYVILLE stories on a few sites and getting myself creeped out for the film. I'm new to the horror genre as I have been a card-carrying Scaredy Cat for most of my life. Discredited as a publicity stunt did put a damper on the visions of ghosties dancing in my head but I was still in the mood for a movie that would make me jump (just like KRISS KROSS!!)

I started saturday morning by watching the original Amityville Horror on the Mystery Channel, and laughing at the pure silliness of it all. There are scary movies made in the 70's--this was not one of them. The editing is horrible...but we're not here to talk about that...we're talking about the inevitable remake. Inevitable b/c I'm quite sure its the END OF DAYS and there are no stories left to tell.

The Amityville Horror is for the most part a mish-mash of past horror cliches and recent stylistic staples. The jump cut/sped up film technique that is being used in EVERY horror film is now just getting ridiculous. Its not scary anymore. DAMN YOU GOTHIKA!!! While I did jump--several times--I was left with mostly just a glazed over look of confusion that someone would actually attempt the "indian burial ground" story again. Seriously. The house was not the menacing part...it was the apparitions...the original JU-ON takes the cake on this type of scare so I won't even compare. The way they could've made this movie better was by having REYNOLDS' shirtless more. Nuff said.
~~~sadie heX~~~