the WRETCHED girl...

No rest for the wretched...

2007-08-13T11:48:00.000-05:00

http://norestforthewretched.blogspot.com/

This is my new column, updated every Monday and Thursday - you might want to join us as I wax poetic on Pop Culture and Comic books.

Top Chef and Jawbreaker

2007-06-11T15:12:00.000-05:00

Premiere to look out for –
It’s about that time of year, where the reality cooking shows return in full force. You have Food Network’s “Who will be the Next Food Network Star,” and Fox’s “Hell’s Kitchen” with firecracker (and lookey-likey disarmingly close to my boyfriend) Gordon Ramsey. But the premiere I’m most anticipating is Bravo’s “Top Chef,” with it’s 3rd Season premiere this Wednesday @ 10pm.

"Top Chef" differs from its Food Network counterpart especially when it comes to prize winnings. In “Next Food Network star”, the grand prize is a show on the channel. Charisma, personality and on-screen presence are all vital needs for these potential stars, and are judged just as much as the food that they cook. “Top Chef” does have certain “missions” where personality is a plus, but for the most part this show is straight cooking, as well as displaying leadership or team player qualities which seem much more important in the world of food and running a successful restaurant. That means the meanest, cockiest, most anti-social jerks have a chance of winning it all. And as proven by Gordon Ramsey on “Hell’s Kitchen”, jerks can get their own shows too!
(((<<<===not crying here))
But don't miss "Hell's Kitchen" either, or you will miss a grown man cry! And boy, does he cry a lot!

Season 3 of “Top Chef” is set in Miami, and the addition of Ted Allen from “Queer Eye” is a great move on the show’s part. Allen is one of my favorite judges on “Iron Chef” and is also the author of the book THE FOOD YOU WANT TO EAT.

Bonus if you’ve got HBO and 2 hours to spare – JAWBREAKER is on HBO this month. I stopped dead in my Friday night tracks and watched this entire film last week. It holds up well, and the 90’s soundtrack is nice little blast from the past. See Marilyn Manson sans make-up (but still looking skeevy) and Rebecca Gayheart (Noxema Girl!) and Judy Greer (Kitty on Arrested Development!) play teenagers.
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The Beauty of American Elf

2007-06-04T13:02:00.000-05:00

THE BEAUTY OF AMERICAN ELF
James Kochalka may be a name not readily mentioned in mainstream comic book conversations but within the independent scene he is revered as one of the best. Highly prolific with such works as Monkey Vs. Robot, Peanutbutter & Jeremy, and Quit Your Job, he is known for his large output of comics. But he participates in other mediums as well. He shares his namesake with his band, James Kochalka Superstar, a pure rock extravaganza that earned a spot on Rolling Stone’s list of the "Top 100 Songs of 2006" with the super-catchy Britney’s Silver Can (a tune capturing the world’s obsession with Justin Timberlake by repeating his name over and over...and over again). Kochalka also just ended a stint at the Giant Robot Gallery in New York City, that spotlighted his oil painting work.
But this "James of all Trades" illustrates his most profound art with his daily diary comic strip, known as American Elf. Started in 1998, the premise is simple: Kochalka composes a small (usually 4 panels) strip revealing an event that took place that day. This endeavor is not striking in the single day’s strip but in the sum of its parts; the chronicling of what may seem mundane and unremarkable becomes simply amazing with the sheer volume and the universal appeal of it. Writing about his family, his cat, his work, his band, his fears, Kochalka has produced one strip every day for the past 9 years and has shown no signs of stopping.Highly addictive, I plowed through the daunting American Elf Volume 1: James Kochalka’s Collected Sketchbook Diaries in about 2 days, that’s 496 pages of pure comic strip goodness! The 2nd collection came out just last month and while it is considerably smaller (192 pages), it is no less entrancing.
To get a taste of American Elf, check out Kochalka’s web site, there you can view the cartoon for that day. If you subscribe to the site (a mere $1.95 per month) you’ll be given access to the archives of past comic strips. Although I highly recommend picking up the collected volumes, as his comics en masses are where they truly shine. Also available on his web site is links to where you can buy his music, books and other merchandise.Support the Elf Movement today!

Adulthood a new hope

2007-06-04T13:01:00.000-05:00

ADULTHOOD : A NEW HOPE - CELEBRATING 30 YEARS OF STAR WARS
As a young girl with a mom that was rather fond of the Sci-Fi/Fantasy genre in film and TV, I was aware of Star Wars at a very young age. Silly me, I thought because my mother enjoyed the trilogy that it obviously wasn't cool enough for me. All this changed the winter of my 16th year, when Star Wars : A New Hope was re-released in theaters.I saw the movie opening night in a packed theater. I couldn't even sit with my friends because we arrived late and seats were scarce. It might have been peer pressure that got me into the movie house that night but after that it was not even an hour into the film before I had an epiphany and professed my utter devotion to everything Star Wars. From that moment on I was obsessed.How obsessed you ask? I support my assertion with 3 items for your consideration:#1 : August 1999, I get my one and only tattoo, the Imperial Symbol (aka The Dark Side!):Though my mom is just as much as fan as I am, it seems her love does not translate the same way. She is surprisingly *not* a fan of the tattoo.I was partial to the fact that usually only the hardcore Star Wars fans are able to recognize the symbol. No regret on this one.#2 : October, 1999, I dress up as Darth Maul for Halloween.True, this is a character from the 2nd trilogy, but you really can't go wrong with any costume that allows the wielding of a double-bladed light saber.Fun Fact - this is a little boy's costumeOh and...my light saber didn't really light up, one of my friends photoshopped this pic. But no worries kittlings, my lack of "light" in the "saber" was eventually alleviated...#3 : January, 2007, my boyfriend acquires a "functional" light saber for my pleasure.My boyfriend does not share my interest when it comes to Star Wars and I am quite sure he finds my utter fangirl-dom a bit strange. Nevertheless the boy saw this Darth Maul light saber at Sharper Image and knew that I would love it. He was right. The realistic hum when this baby is turned on is enough to make me squeal in delight. Out of all of my film props and replicas I possess(and I have quite a few), this is by far my favorite.It's been 30 years since the original Star Wars, longer than I've been alive. I can't say that I grew up with Han Solo and Darth Vader yet I maintain that my most treasured memories of my teenage years as I matured and "came of age" are littered with scenes of Chewbacca, Emperor Palpatine, and Yoda.If anything, the trilogy gave me the grand push into pop culture. Thanks be to Star Wars.++++++++end of transmission+++++++++

Get Your Creep On

2007-06-04T13:00:00.000-05:00

6.01.2007

GET YOUR CREEP ON - CHECK THIS OUT
A comic and a film that will give you the willies…I started Sandman a little over a week ago and am once again proud to call Vertigo my favorite imprint, which publishes Neil Gaiman’s masterpiece. Issue # 5 of the series is the scariest and creepiest comic sequential I've ever read. A malcontent with the dream god Morpheus’ all-powerful stone takes over a small town diner and proceeds to torture its patrons with gross distortions of reality. And silly me, I thought this would be the creepiest thing I encountered all day. I was wrong.

Because after finishing up this comic, I went to see Bug.Bug in theaters now and is a Cronenberg-esque thriller with a small cast but even smaller main setting. Taking place in a cramped motel room apartment, the film shows Agnes (played by Ashley Judd) character as lonely, fussy and scared of ex-husband Jerry (Harry Connick Jr) whom we learn has just been released from prison. Agnes earns money by waiting at a lesbian bar where gal pal RC (Lynn Collins) bartends. One evening, RC visits Agnes with a tall stranger in tow. His name is Peter Evans (Michael Shannon, a Jude Law look-alike) and as a Gulf War veteran, he has undergone experiments performed by the government…or has he? Complete and utter madness ensues. The slow vast opening shot of the Oklahoma desolation contrasts sharply claustrophobia that exists within Agnes’ small abode. Based on the play by Tracy Letts (who also wrote the screenplay for the film) and directed by William Friedkin, this is a psychological thriller that will leave you breathless and bothered. In a good way of course!

Where else you can see me on the web :

2007-05-27T21:29:00.001-05:00

You can click above and get my Myspace page...where I blog mainly (in Spain...on the plain)

you can also email me @ maryebrickthrower at yahoo dot com

Adulthood - A New Hope Celebrating 30 Years of Star Wars

2007-05-24T11:46:00.001-05:00

As a young girl with a mom that was rather fond of the Sci-Fi/Fantasy genre in film and TV, I was aware of Star Wars at a very young age. Silly me, I thought because my mother enjoyed the trilogy that it obviously wasn't cool enough for me. All this changed the winter of my 16th year, when Star Wars : A New Hope was re-released in theaters.

I saw the movie opening night in a packed theater. I couldn't even sit with my friends because we arrived late and seats were scarce. It might have been peer pressure that got me into the movie house that night but after that it was not even an hour into the film before I had an epiphany and professed my utter devotion to everything Star Wars. From that moment on I was obsessed.

How obsessed you ask? I support my assertion with 3 items for your consideration:
#1 : August 1999, I get my one and only tattoo, the Imperial Symbol (aka The Dark Side!):

Though my mom is just as much as fan as I am, it seems her love does not translate the same way. She is surprisingly *not* a fan of the tattoo.

I was partial to the fact that usually only the hardcore Star Wars fans are able to recognize the symbol. No regret on this one.

#2 : October, 1999, I dress up as Darth Maul for Halloween.

True, this is a character from the 2nd trilogy, but you really can't go wrong with any costume that allows the wielding of a double-bladed light saber.

Fun Fact - this is a little boy's costume

Oh and...my light saber didn't really light up, one of my friends photoshopped this pic. But no worries kittlings, my lack of "light" in the "saber" was eventually alleviated...

#3 : January, 2007, my boyfriend acquires a "functional" light saber for my pleasure.

My boyfriend does not share my interest when it comes to Star Wars and I am quite sure he finds my utter fangirl-dom a bit strange. Nevertheless the boy saw this Darth Maul light saber at Sharper Image and knew that I would love it. He was right. The realistic hum when this baby is turned on is enough to make me squeal in delight. Out of all of my film props and replicas I possess(and I have quite a few), this is by far my favorite.

It's been 30 years since the original Star Wars, longer than I've been alive. I can't say that I grew up with Han Solo and Darth Vader yet I maintain that my most treasured memories of my teenage years as I matured and "came of age" are littered with scenes of Chewbacca, Emperor Palpatine, and Yoda.

If anything, the trilogy gave me the grand push into pop culture. Thanks be to Star Wars.
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Please! Bury me with it!

2007-05-01T14:09:00.000-05:00

I feel like I was putting everything on hold for news that never came.

On the outside, I’m taking the lack of news pretty well.

On the inside, I want to scream. I doubt I’ll ever get a change like that again—and it seems to be gone. I would be lying if I said it was an honor just to be nominated.

I’ve been living life in slow motion, but swallowing my meds almost like clockwork, making mountains out of molehills, cursing the coward in me, craving cole slaw and crab legs, kissing my boyfriend with the fervor of a Kamikaze, making new friends, trying not to forget old ones, planning diet changes and buying weekly transpasses instead of tokens, hardly saving money, wanting my bike fixed, missing my family, taking pictures of Flat Yasmin, listening to OF MONTREAL and LCD SOUNDSYSTEM any time I can, and silently wishing I had gotten a phone call back from that bloody house of ideas.
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Anyway….
I spent last weekend indoors for the most part:
FRIDAY-Maura, Loretta and I had the 1st Balthazar –OR- Bust Meeting; basically it’s just an excuse to get together, drink and watch BALTHAZAR GETTY movies until our hearts are content. We didn’t end up watching any movies that night however, as we went on a fool’s mission to South Philly—and SUCCEEDED!!! Loretta’s roommates Sprite and Becca made us some amazing chow, we hung out and chatted and drank Canadian Club and Jack Daniels. It was awesome.
SATURDAY-Jacob had to be at the theater early so I got up about 20 mins after he left (9am), washed the dishes, chilled on the internets. Jacob came home with a sandwich for me, then we napped until he had to get up and leave for work again. I went back to mine, showered and got dolled up and went to see the final performance of CABARET, the play that Jacob’s been running light board for. We stuck around after the show and got drinks and food, it was fun.
SUNDAY-Stayed in with the exception of heading to the grocery store for the fixin’s for a pasta salad. It turned out pretty well if I do say so myself. Here is my recipe if you’re interested:
1 box Rotini pasta
15-20 grape tomatoes-halved
15-20 small broccoli florets-halved lengthwise
5 cloves garlic, minced very finely
Parmasean and Cheddar Cheese (as desired)
Extra Virgin Olive Oil and Newmans Own© 3 Cheese Balsamic Vinegarette (as desired)
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Mince garlic and cook in skillet with some olive oil until browned, cut up vegetables, cook pasta, combine all ingredients and add EVOO and Vinegarette as desired. Cheese and Paramasean sprinkled over top or as desired.

Jacob almost finished Season 2 of LOST, just 2 more episodes I believe and then I’ll start nabbing the 3rd season for him.

Happy Anniversary to Jeffy and Me; it’s been 1 year since we met.

And the one month countdown begins today until I move in with Jacob!!!!

I’m going to see Glengarry Glenross with Carey on Thursday; Friday is a going away get together for a co-worker @ Chickie and Petes, and Jacob and I are going to try to Hit up Jamar Nichols gallery show. Rock and Roll.

HEROES was kinda lame last night. BACK TO FUTURE PART 2 anyone? THE RICHES was good though—that show is consistently enjoyable so far. EDDIE IZZARD may affect an American accent but he’s still funny as all hell.

Yep, that's about it. It's been great weather outside and I"m just fighting that anxious feeling that always haunts me this time of year. So it goes...
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FACTORY GIRL, "live organs" and Hardwood Floors

2007-02-21T16:22:00.000-05:00

So on Monday Jacob and I sorta celebrated V-Day with dinner @ HIKARU and a movie @ the Ritz.

I had the Scandanavian Roll and Jacob ordered WAY TOO MUCH sushi by ordering the “tuna platter” instead of a “tuna roll.” We felt bad about the error so we decided to take the sushi with us then just toss it in the nearest garbage can.

As we were walking to the theater we unloaded the tuna into a trash can, but not before Jacob wittingly wrote on the take-out box “LIVE ORGANS” in the hopes to befuddle the next homeless person that went rooting through that particular receptacle.

FACTORY GIRL was a good movie; as Jacob observed it was a bit too factual in its storytelling. Just in the sense that it portrayed what happened…and that’s about it. No abstract stuff going on like in THE DOORS or something like that. HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN did a great job as “the Musician” aka BOB DYLAN, GUY PEARCE was stunning as ANDY WARHOL, and SIENNA MILLER’s EDIE SEDGWICK was pretty damn delightful.

I have been spending more and more time at Jacob’s…it’s nice being there even when he’s not (although I prefer it when he’s there)…I can be totally alone and he is doing a brilliant job in renovating the place for my impending arrival. If all goes to plan then I move in with him in August when my lease is up. His 1st job was to put some sweet hardwood flooring in the living room. This turned out looking fucking AMAZING!!! He is also stripping the paint of the wood in the foyer. Also on the agenda: new tile in the bathroom and kitchen and my DREAM bedroom of semi-Moroccan deep blue with pink trim. The time he is taking to make his apt a home for the both of us is perhaps the sweetest thing ever.

Tonight I’m having dinner with Trey and playing her Nintendo Wii, which I’m psyched about. Also on the agenda is IRREVERSIBLE with Bunny and hopefully we’ll listen to a little NAMELESSNUMBERHEADMAN b/c I think they’re brilliant and want to share them with my boy.

One more full day of work, then a half day, then NYC! While I’m excited about the whole trip I am also not looking forward to doing it w/o Jacob. :sigh: I can’t help it…I’m a sap.
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It's Friday I'm in love.

2007-02-02T16:22:00.000-05:00

It’s been WAY to long!!!

So my medical stuffies are over and done with, it is still annoying for various reasons (follow up visits, lack of nookie for 3 more weeks!) but the hard part is over and I’m relieved. Having the few days off was nice too but I didn’t really take advantage of it too much besides sleeping constantly. Yep…that was quite fun.

So last weekend was Jacob’s birthday weekend, he turned a quarter of a century. To celebrate this we went to DAVIOS, a uber-swank North Italian steakhouse up in Rittenhouse. It was RESTAURANT WEEK so we got a 3 course meal for $30/piece (although I got the skirt steak and that was an extra 10$!!! Which they didn’t’ tell us until we got there)…Jacob got the lamb chops, it was yummy all around. I gave Jacob a picture of what his Birthday prezzie will be b/c I couldn’t afford it just yet (Printer Ink! Hooray!) and I made him a cake. I dyed and frosted it based on his favorite painting in the Philadelphia Museum of Art, it is a MARK ROTHKO painting whose name escapes me…but here is the painting:

Haha…abstract cake art at it’s best. I’m no Duff Goldman but I did alright. He lurved it. I was glad.

This week has been bloody hectic in work, glad it’s finally over. On Tuesday Stefan and I went to the Flyers game, courtesy of some free tickets we got through the company. We left as TAMPA BAY tied it up, so we didn’t get to see the Flyers lose, but it was a fun night nevertheless. Check it out.

Oh and of course I got my awesome Darth Maul light saber, my early Valentines Day gift from Jacob, which I love, and also this week was the opening of Bunny’s new play—NERDS!!! Which is a beyond funny show! I loved it, Care did as well and I’ve already made plans to go see it again next weekend with my pal Megan.

I am also planning a drink-up for next Friday. My sister Shacky is going to come visit and everything so that will be fun.

Tonight I’m going to Joe’s for a little photo shoot with some other gals for a comic book that my artist friend Chris Moreno illustrates.

Although I’ve been planning my STEPHEN COLBERT plan of attack, as I’ve found out he’ll be @ the NYC CON, it was this picture/news that really got me this week. I got sent this link 5 individual times from the various friends that know about my HARRY POTTER fascination a little too well. Thanks to everyone who thought of me when seeing Dan Radcliffe in the buff. =)

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My new phone and other things...

2007-01-22T12:53:00.000-05:00

So this weekend has been spent playing with my new phone. Here are pictures of me and Little (Jacob's cat) to prove it:

Um...how cute are we?? I used the "SEPIA" and "B&W" effects for both images as well. This nifty little phone has all that, plus a ton more camera options AND the ability to take a short span of video (with sound)that I can email to other phones or other emails! I also downloaded GWEN STEFANI's "Wind It Up" as my ringtone...and PHIL KEN SEBBEN of HARVEY BIRDMAN fame is my wallpaper. Yeah...I'm pretty much obsessed with my lil Samsung.

This weekend was pretty good. Dinner was nice on Friday (Jacob and I hit up Black Sheep during his break and I had some AMAZING crab cakes), as was the few drinks I had with Stefan @ McGlincheys. What was not nice was me totally passing out when I got to Jacob's and subsequently missing him calling me and BANGING on the door for 20 mins trying to get me to let him in. :( Yeah I suck. I went home for a bit on Saturday but then made it back out to the theater to meet Jacob for dinner @ LITTLE PETES, then went back to his house again and successfully stayed awake and let him in w/o any door knocking. =)

Sunday I once again went to my house for a bit, after leaving my phone @ Jacob's by accident. We met around 7-ish and took a cab to his place. It was nice spending the weekend at his place, even if there is no cable. =) I have become obsessed with FOOD NETWORK and DVD's. Although I can't really watch the SOPRANOS w/o having Jacob there with me. It's not nearly as much fun unless you have someone to react with.

Today work is semi-boring but I'm "acting" team leader so I'm not too concerned about my lack of work. It snowed last night but barely anything is left--I want just one real snow so I can take a walk in the quiet city.

I have no plans for the week save for once again psyching myself up for my procedure this Wednesday, have off Thurs and Fri, and totally need to research Jacob's birthday gift so I can hook it up on Sunday. =) Keep your fingers crossed for me. I have lofty ideas and am hoping upon hope I can make this happen.

I got a lot of response on my latest poem. Thanks for the comments guys. I do appreciate it.
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HARDLY

2007-01-19T10:59:00.000-05:00

Tearing slowly with teeth
At the skin on my lips
Hardly seems a proper punishment
For the anguish I’ve inflicted
Upon your person.

And it hardly seems fair
That I’m tasting my tears
While you’re wasting away
Waiting for the sign of things…
The time to say your lines

In a word: upheaval
I’ve uprooted your life with hardly
A second glance or apology
Cursed you with harshness and
Ransacked your romanticism

Left you with nothing.
A bruised heart torn by terse words
Mangled by insanity and false idol worship
And lost in my arms I grasp you ever more
Tightly…wishing I could make it better…hardly.
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Start Wearing Purple for me now...

2006-11-06T12:26:00.000-05:00

MYSPACE has been blocked by my job again...so I am back on blogger during the day. I cannot begin to tell y'all how damn annoying this is.

Anyway, here is a run-down of happenings since Halloween:

WEDNESDAY--Me, Jacob, Vici and Dave (I hope I got his name right! Great bloke nonetheless) went to see LADY SOVEREIGN @ the Starlight Ballroom. What a fantastic show!!! I got my groove on, heck even Jacob got his groove on at times, and the venue is pretty damn nice. The show was short and sweet, much like Vici's skirt (I told her I was going to use this line and she gave her seal of approval! haha). A fun time was had by all.

THURSDAY--Trey and I left work early so I could go to the doctor. I had to undergo some stupid procedure that seriously was the most uncomfortable thing I've had to experience recently, and I was glad to have someone there for the aftermath. We went to Trey's afterwards, she made us yummy meatloaf for dinner and we chiled and watched TV. As I was meeting Jacob later on the evening and didn't want to go all the way home, around 8-ish I headed over to Stefan's and watched MY NAME IS EARL, THE OFFICE and DEAL OR NO DEAL (aka the dumbest show on the planet). I walked to Jacob's theater afterwards and we went to dinner with the cast of MURDERERS which was a lot of fun. MARYLOUISE BURKE is such a sweet lady, she told us stories about being on the set of PRAIRIE HOME COMPANION and we just had a blast.

FRIDAY--I went to dinner with my old boss @ PLOUGH AND THE STARS then joined JD and Jackie @ Maggianos and the Indy. We drank and chilled, Jacob showed up around 10:30pm and kissed me with intensity. JD jokingly said: "Where's my kiss?" to which Jacob responded by frenching him!!! I was scared for a split second that a fight would break-out, but JD took it in stride and it certainly broke the ice! Jacob and I stayed for a bit then went back to his place and fell asleep shortly thereafter.

SATURDAY--I decided to stay @ Jacob's while he went to work and made my way to the LONDON GRILL on Fairmount to get some writing down. I was so prolific I finished one column and started another! Jacob met me for dinner @ LONDON, then I went back to his place and basically just messed around with the net then watched KILL BILL until he got home.

SUNDAY--Jacob and I went into the city and had breakfast/lunch @ Little Petes, then sat in the park for a bit. I took my leave as he went to work his final show, came home and napped. Woke up, ran some errands and had dinner @ Johnny Rockets then went back home and typed up my 1st column.

So all in all, it was a pretty low-key weekend but very nice as well. I am still battling this depression that seeps into my happy world without warning but Jacob is being very understanding and I feel safe even though doubt and conflict still rears its ugly head.

Tonight is a get together for my roomie Care's birthday. We're going to dinner and then to see BORAT which I absolutely cannot wait to see. Jacob may be joining is, he's striking the set (aka tearing that sumbitch down) so his schedule is up in the air right now. Tomorrow we are moving one of the shelves from the set into his house and then hopefully this will facilitate my organization of his insanely large comic book collection. My laptop is going to help me as well, with this undertaking I need all the help I can get.

I also plan to go to my parent's this weekend. It Shacky's birthday weekend. I was going to bring Jacob with me but decided against it.

And that's about it. Ze Wretched...OUT!
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Ryan Reynolds New picture on Myspace = THE HOTNESS

2006-09-14T11:25:00.000-05:00

Don't believe my title? Click to see it in all its glory.

I had to put him @ #1 as long as he keeps that suit and beard. WOWZAS! He's a cutie.

I did some updating of my profile...mostly just switching things around in the ABOUT ME and INTERESTS section. Really that's about it.

I like my new profile photo b/c my glasses overshadow everything else. Who needs lips when you have black frames?

I am @ work, bored out of my skull. It has been slow which is just not something that usually happens. This makes my days go by at a snail's pace and for some reason I get very hungry when I don't have any work to concentrate on. Of course, I have no money so food is right out of the question until dinner time.

As of lunch yesterday (where I did manage to scarf down some sausage biscuit sandwiches), my very back tooth--you know, the one that is totally rotting out of my skull--started to really break off and crack. I was tasting pieces of enamel all day. It seems to have stopped as of this morning BUT now I can feel the inside of my mouth scraping against the jagged edges when I talk and stuff. "ew" you might say. Yep...you would be right.

I haven't properly spoken about BALTIMORE. I had a good time. Some highlights:
*I was reintroduced to CASSADAY by Jen (the gal that stayed in my room with me and is also an editor at Marvel), which was cool.
*I met PAUL POPE, and got my trade of HEAVY LIQUID signed.
*Stefan and I did not really hang at the usual lobby bar scene except for a bit on Friday nite. We just didn't have the cash to throw down. We did however take advantage of the hotel pool AND have a fun Saturday nite excursion to FELLS POINT, where we found a local bar with $1.50 PBR drafts and a pool table. After we closed out the bar and headed back to the hotel, we got totally lost and ended up on the wrong side of the river. I snuck under a fence and subsequently skinned my knee. *We took Greyhound to and from. DADDY, you were right! Greyhound is full of degenerates!!! Plus it is totally unreliable. We were an hour late getting down there and 3 hours late getting home.
*I am wondering if I really want to continue writing any journalism related to comic books after my lack of interest in this con. I AM SO CONFLICTED!!!
*I got HOWARD CHAYKIN's vitals, which is awesome b/c he is one kickass guy and communicating with him outside of the con scene could be fucking brilliant.

I am thinking of trying to shop around "WHAT YOU SHOULD BE...", my old column, around to sites. I kinda miss the flexibility that came with it. Either way, I am antsy. I can't decide what I want to do with my creativity that seems to be just under the surface, ready to come out. Somehow dammit, I'm gonna do something soon! Ambiguity is key.

Tonite I'm going to Philly Dave's to chill for a bit, get caught up on 52 and return some DVD's he loaned to me. I also got 2 issues of 52 signed for him by JG while I was at the con, which I'm sure he'll dig.

I got some money/debt stuff squared away last week. I don't want to talk about it too much b/c I feel like that's all i ever do regarding my finances (talk and complain). It's getting done, I am a bit relieved about it, nuff said.

This week started out with a total crash in my spirits, but I'm starting to come out of the haze. I took off monday b/c my stomach and my nerves were so bad. I am going to blame the weather change on my most recent bout with insanity.

I requested my review @ work on Tuesday and it's actually already done. I just need to go in and meet with my superiors for the run-down. But I'm hella glad that they took care of it ASAP. Keep your fingers crossed they reward me for a job well done.

I am going to write some lines now:
It is like a shock
to the system...seeing you smile
from behind fold out tables,
across bar stools,
stealing a glance past cigarettes.

I can't seem
to resign myself
to this state of truth
somehow I am awkward
in the area
that I know best

Remember when I used to shine?
Remember the hours I could manipulate time?
You used my talent
like I used yours.

Now I'm lost
my spell subsided
and broke down.
or else I have
cursed myself with lack of confidence.

Funny how if I just
felt for one second
that you still believed,
I would be able to stand again
and stave you off with not so much
as a sideways glance.

Actually...it's not funny at all to me.
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CABLE UPDATE: HOUSE was good this past week; Dr. House is getting the limp back and popping Vikes again. BATMAN and THE AVENGERS were on HBO yesterday. BATMAN was my favorite film as a child, I know every bit of dialogue, especically the JOKER's lines. And while THE AVENGERS proves to be a pretty awful film, RALPH FIENNES as quintessential british gentleman JOHN STEED makes me a googly eyed. I have never found him as appetizing as in this film. It's gotta be the high-vested suits!
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Links that MySpace won't let me post

2006-09-12T22:00:00.000-05:00

Daniel Radcliffe on Youtube

Ja-Hames' movie about him and I

Where is my Tall Boy to be Found?

2006-07-26T13:57:00.000-05:00

Round and round and round she goes
Where she stops? Nobody knows
But then everyday her confusion grows
And grows…

I have gotten 3 eppys deep into ALIAS…not a lot but enough to know that I’m a sucker for the sudden ending. It’s a bitch but mos def makes you wanna watch the next episode.

I am meeting some bloke tonight from Myspace. No expectations…just a fellow Buddhist that I’ve been chatting with quite a bit for a few months now and figured it was about that time to put a voice to a myspace message, so to speak.

Have made plans with Ozark, Agent Steve and Stefan for various nights the remainder of this week/weekend. Also plan to help Rachel move on Saturday and to finish the GREAT RECONSTRUCTION…Stefan was a kind enough “big strong man” to help me move around my room yesterday. And get this:

IT LOOKS HELLA GOOD!!! I’m psyched to get it all finished. The point is that the furniture is moved around into making A LOT more space for me to entertain in my room if I’d like (and with the fact that it has A/C—that is a great thing) but I still have yet to organize all the THINGS that infiltrate every part of my life. I am going to divide these THINGS up into 3 categories: Toys, Art/Decoration & Functional. From there the toys will all be going into a toy chest I’m getting from Trey and Yella; the other 2 things are pretty self-explanatory, just a matter of making a coherent layout for said THINGS so that I’m more settled. Woo-Ha! Projects rule.

Shh…keep this a secret but work is hella boring today. I want to go home and watch more ALIAS.

After Friday I am COMPLETELY DONE with my recent legal troubles…well not really so recent considering it’s from Dec. of 2004. But yes, I have a discharge interview and I should be able to call myself a good girl once again.

Haha…yeah right. We all know how untruthful that last statement was.

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The Pirate Rum Diaries--3 mos. later ed.

2006-07-23T22:14:00.000-05:00

"Don't worry. I'm takin' it back." <==Randal in CLERKS 2. Check this out: WheelieBlog.Org

It's been an internet-less past week.

But then again I've also been running around like a madwoman. Which of course I am. And what do I have to show for it? This time, confusion, no money, and no more social interaction than if I had stayed home.

B/c honestly, if you hung out with me in the past week, I prolly wasn't really there. Nothing personal against anyone...it was damn nice to see some peeps that I don't usually get to hang with along with my usual crew.

I've had a reunion of sorts with 2 friends (Sausalito and Jonathan), and my only regret is not seeing my Bonny Traitor Jay enough. If anyone would've been able to call me on my personality then it would've been her.

In the meantime I saw alot of films/shows, and would like to talk about them now:
ALIAS--this is currently the new obsession©, given to me by one Philly Dave. I think I watched some season 2 (a few weeks back) and s. 3 (just Saturday) and have been pretty damn hooked. So PD hooked it up and let me borrow season 1. I'm digging on it. A very convoluted plotline similar to LOST that makes it a lot of fun to follow. But as my roommate Care Bear pointed out, Jennifer Garner only looks really hot when she's wearing some funky colored wig and going out to a club.

CLERKS 2--was supposed to go see this with Mister Mike K and friends but him and Brad were still on the road up from Florida and subsequently missed the film. Dave w/Glasses picked me up and we made it to the film which was v. fucking funny...and only a little gay @ the end. Glad I was able to check this out in the theaters and must say that my love for JASON MEWES knows no bounds. But dammit if Randal ain't the man. Hands down, the man. "SHUT UP GO BOT!"

HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE--ok, this isn't new (obviously) and certainly not new to me as I saw it twice in the theater and bought it the week it came out on DVD. This is prolly my 10th or 11th viewing of said film. But I must say, that I found one scene immensely satisfying this time around and I think that may have to do with my darkened outlook on people in general. Disdain is a good word to describe it. Anyway, the scene is this: the look that Ron bores into the back of Harry's head when Dumbledore calls Potter as the 4th Triwizard champion is delightfully evil. His eyes are bloodshot setting an amazing contrast to his deep green with envy eyes; you can see his skin burning as if alit with anger.

HOW THE LIGHT GETS IN--[novel]-Shacky Red Handed gave me this book in my dreaded visit home 2 weekends ago, and I just finished tonight. It was a sometimes stirring read, sometimes disturbing (in that awkward and embarrassing sort of way), and a bit of a author trying to hard to channel Holden Caufield. Quick and entertaining read.
====end of media review===

So I've watched the pilot of Season 1 of ALIAS, and have started BAD TWIN, the novel that the character Sawyer is reading on LOST; the manuscript and supposed last work of author GARY TROUP who was lost in the flight of OCEANIC 815. Spooky.

I have to make sure they work, but I also now have HOUSE s. 1 in possession.

I got caught up on 52 this week but then got behind again. Also need to read CIVIL WAR although I heard it was pretty damn exciting.

I'm going to undertake the big project this week and rearrange my room. No going out, save Wed.; oh yeah, I'm going to have to call you back. It's "on".

I run to silence the voices in my head
it's easier to surround yourself with noise
then quiet the inside of your skull.
you try to shut it down
you don't even know what window it is.
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a-DICK-ted

2006-04-28T10:48:00.000-05:00

	I am certified: 58% addicted to Myspace
Are you addicted to MySpace?

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Tagged by Tommy

2006-04-27T12:52:00.000-05:00

PITT CON fun...Tommy Castillo makes art of my skin.
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2006-04-19T14:32:00.000-05:00

I hate myself and I want some SPACED

2006-04-14T11:20:00.000-05:00

I am so sick of myself. I have 2 conventions coming up and NO MONEY. Do I ever have any money? No of course not. That would require such things as will power, self control, A BUDGET...all things I've never been able to pull off longer than a month, if that. So I'm pouty, and miserable, and Spooky is an absolute doll for putting up with me when I'm like this.

I guess its official. I really dig Spooky. (that's the only thing that's official...i'm not being cryptic honestly)

I just want to go home and put on SPACED, watch both seasons and pass out. Don't think that my HOUSE obsession has gone away--there is a difference in them in that I've seen every eppy of SPACED and so therefore have the comfort factor going on. HOUSE I have to make sure I pay attention to everything that goes on b/c its the first time around. There is a method to my madness.

Thanks for all the kind words and support for my new column. I'm really glad to see it getting such a good response. Makes my day.
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A Brick to the Teeth #1 <==clickable link

2006-04-13T12:16:00.000-05:00

My new column has started up on Buzzscope.com, a little thing I like to call A BRICK TO THE TEETH. My first interview couldn’t have been better, CULLY HAMNER is an absolute god and really made the concept shine. So check it out! Its been over a year since I’ve been a comic book journalist, and I’m back baby! CLICK on the link above and you're all set.

Thins are rockin’ and rollin’—tonight Spooky is coming over and we’re gonna hit up Sugar Moms for cheap burgers. I want a Shirley temple dammit! Went out dancing last night and it was hella fun…but I drank WAY too much. Indeed.
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Save a cat...strangle Harvey Keitel [film reviews]

2006-04-11T11:22:00.000-05:00

[pictured DOCTOR WHO]

1-HELL (thailand)This was my only PHILLY FILM FEST viewing, but it was pretty damn worth it. Within the first 5 minutes all the major characters are killed off and send to (yep! You guessed it!) Hell. The visuals in this film are stunning. Witness the deepest pits of sin and despair, and the lovely punishments that await you for such things as alcoholism, adultery, and lying. The story becomes more of a struggle for the characters to find their way out of their fate, and the realization of their actions; but the journey along the way is quite a masterpiece.

2-TWO EVIL EYES directed by GEORGE ROMERO and DARIO ARGENTO. This film takes 2 masters of horror and lets them "go off" so to speak on EDGAR ALLEN POE tales. It turns out the ARGENTO had planned a horror anthology series with more than just ROMERO; he wanted to adapt POE's stories of horror with the likes of WES CRAVEN and STEPHEN KING as well. When CRAVEN and KING didn't contribute, ROMERO and ARGENTO produced this 2-part film. ROMERO's half is first, and not that impressive in story. He does "THE FACTS IN THE CASE OF MR. VALDEMAR," and while I did jump a couple times the story really just didn't take me anywhere. ARGENTO's offering is far more satisfying; THE BLACK CAT is a more faithful story and pretty darn interesting with HARVEY KEITEL playing ROD USHER (there are other POE references within this part of the film as well); a man with a penchant for crime photography and cat strangulation. I really recommend this movie to horror and E.A. POE fans.

3-2001 MANIACS--this is a modern take on HG LEWIS' classic 2001 MANIACS!, a masterpiece in cannibalism and country-bumpkin horror. This remake may have had a bigger budget, but its story leaves something to be desired. The redeeming parts of this film are quite redeeming indeed: GIUSEPPE ANDREWS and ROBERT ENGLUND give great performances, and the references to LEWIS' original film actually make this movie watchable. If you haven't seen the 1st film then you will probably run away screaming, but having the knowledge of the first film is all you need to have a hoot and a holler with 2001 MANIACS. THE SOUTH WILL RISE AGAIN BITCHES! (and I've now added GIUSEPPE ANDREWS to my long list of secret boyfriends)

4-DEMONS (Ital. horror)--like DEMONS 2, but in a movie theater. Demons make me sick.

5-DOOR INTO DARKNESS--ARGENTO murder-mystery. DARIO hosted this 2-part film. I love Dario's hair. The point is the story, the 2nd one was good, the 1st one I fell asleep on. I dig on ARGENTO's thrillers just as much as his horror. He tells a good story. Nuff said.

6-CHOPPING MALL (originally titled KILLBOTS). This is the classic 80's horror flick. Robots, thought to make a mall MORE protected, end up killing alot of horny teenagers. Pretty damn funny--good movie to play "spot the 80's cliches" to, and notice the couple from EATING RAOUL at the beginning of the film.

**bonus: ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK season 1 and DOCTOR WHO**
I *heart* ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK but I *heart* "The Doctor" even more. I've been watching both of these series alot. TOM BAKER is a god.
Another doctor I like? Dr. GREGORY HOUSE. I'm now downloading 4.6 gigabytes, 12 eppy's of Season 2. Rock and Roll.

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Jupiter was aligned with Pluto!!!

2006-04-05T11:28:00.000-05:00

Have you HOUSE'd today kittlings? I checked this morning—and my 6 episodes are at 61%. I figure by tomorrow night I will once again be consuming HOUSE @ an alarming rate and then going after Season 2. When that is done, what will I have but dreams of my new secret boyfriend to keep me sane? Yes, me and Hugh are talking about eloping in Italy very soon. It’s been a whirlwind romance—and his publicist is none to kind to our affair as Hugh is a married man. Mere scruples in a LOVE such as ours. I was destined to be with a crippled doctor that affects an American accent. Its in the stars dammit!!!

I have started using SoulSeek for music downloads and that’s working out pretty nicely. Got a couple mixes of “never win” and “technologic” that I hadn’t heard. Trying to get this Audio Bullys song that someone tipped me off to but it’s sketchy.

My first column is due Monday and it’s kinda nice to have that pressure on me once again. Rev Dave is hooking up my header graphic, just waiting on my final answers to the interview and then I’m putting the whole thing together by Saturday. By Sunday I hope to turn in the entire thing and I can officially say I’m a working comic book journalist again. Not that I’m getting paid…but just you wait kittlings—if all goes as planned I shall have some greater things planned for this comic book stuffies.

Nothing much has really been going on besides working on ze column and downloading like a mad woman. I can’t believe my first comic book convention in a year is set for 2 weeks. And in 3 weeks I’ll be back in Toronto—perhaps my favorite vacation spot since London. I’m just super psyched to start this facet of my life again. I’ve been out of the loop and hankering for some real fangirl geek-out fun!!!

As for the myspace not working @ work—I have found a back door. Its not perfect—but I’ll take what I can get.
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It was a teenage wedding and the old folks wished them well...

2006-03-30T10:12:00.000-05:00

You're sweet, but not naive -- though you like to be babied like a child at times. You prefer to have a bad boy by your side, but sometimes have problems understanding why he has to run off to take care of business. You want to settle down, yet deep down inside, you are excited by the surprises life throws your way.

Take the What Pulp Fiction Character Are You? quiz.

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The New Obsession: MASSIVE ATTACK.

2006-03-29T12:56:00.000-05:00

I have had JONATHAN GLAZER’s DIRECTORS LABEL dvd in my possession for months now. And I’ve talked about “karmakoma” before, the MASSIVE ATTACK song/video which is on this collection. So what’s with the sudden OCD about this song? Dunno…it’s a bloody good song and now that I have DSL I can download music again. So I’m putting together a mixed CD just to spotlight this song. Also included are:
THE SPECIALS “ghost town”
TOM JONES “Delilah”
DUSTY SPRINGFIELD “spooky”
GORILLAZ “white light”
SPARKS and FAITH NO MORE “this town ain’t big enough for the both enough” & “something for the girl with everything”
SPARKS “the rhythm thief”

It should be a nice mix of songs I don’t have on CD anywhere. And it’s a precursor to the “White Light||Alcohol” remix I’ve been putting together with Trey.

I’m getting sick…sore throat and stuffy nose. I still have a knot in my stomach from general nervousness over all kinds of situations but I’m sure I’ll get over it. I always do. Have decided NOT to take a vacay in May…at least a travel one. I think I’ll still go for some days off, maybe hit up Atlantic City or NYC for a few days. Daddy is saving the tickets for me b/c of my niece’s graduation—I may go back to Chi-Town with the fam for that.

Tonight is my final judgment on LOST. I expect to watch it and either be astounded (like I was with almost every episode from last season) or relieved to have my Wednesdays back. I’m really hoping for the former. I have also started going through the 1st season of HOUSE, and while the eppy’s back-to-back seem formulaic and predictable, I’m gonna continue it. I know that the episodes I saw from season 2 were awesome and I am willing to keep on trucking. I have to return DERAILED tonight which was alright but not at all what I thought it was going to be. I think it a great accomplishment that I got Spooky to watch such a Hollywood-type of film with me.  So I’ll consider myself satisfied with the film.

Our system at work isn’t working completely so I’m pretty darn bored today. I’m trying to decide what I want to do job-wise on many levels at the moment. Moving may be a bit more complicated than I had originally planned. But isn’t that the way it always is?

And I’m back to dual-blogging, here and myspace, b/c of myspace being blocked by work. So this is my daytime outlet. Rock and Roll.
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I have succumbed to MYSPACE [link-click]

2005-12-14T08:17:00.000-05:00

I'm on MYSPACE with my blog entries now. Will be on there until I get completely bored with it.

So CLICK HERE AND JOIN ME!!!

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Something Wicked This Way Comes

2005-11-16T12:43:00.000-05:00

+++++++rant on work+++++++
Why would you want it any other way?

Christ you’re like a mother to me, and I try to make you proud. I have a job that really wasn’t what I wanted to do with my life. I graduated Cum Laude with a Bachelor’s degree in English and have been an office slave for the past 3 years. But I always tried to be the best worker I could and impress you and the others that have helped me get where I am in this career. I still take pride in my work even if its not my chosen path. It’s a reflection of myself in every file that I open and every email that I answer.

So when I am told to do something by your immediate supervisor, and you think it sounds like a waste of time but I might disagree and see something positive in it, why must you make me feel like the goody two shoes of the floor? I am simply extending the same courtesy and respect I give to you; by doing what I am told and doing it to the best of my ability. For you to say “you’re making ‘us’ look bad” just hurts me because if anything I would see my progress as a good thing for our team and my boss. But apparently I have decided to listen to the ‘ENEMY’ as you have deemed her. I am not going to fail for you and I’m pretty much through taking your bad attitude lightly. You know I love you and yet I am being chastised for being efficient and hardworking. What a fucking trip this is.
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Anyway, I bought the HP GOBLET OF FIRE soundtrack yesterday which also includes 3 songs by “THE WEIRD SISTERS,” or the house band for the YULE BALL that includes JARVIS COCKER (of PULP) and 2 members of RADIOHEAD. The soundtrack is just one more step in my complete and total obsession with My Fair Wizard.

I went to Bill’s after grabbing dinner at WHOLE FOODS (salad, tofu, pasta salad, roasted potatoes and cheesecake for dessert) and we watched HOUSE (fuckin’ brilliant show) and KICKING AND SCREAMING. I also saw a couple videos of WWE.com on the EDDIE GUERRERO tribute on RAW which was completely heartbreaking. The BENOIT BREAKDOWN was too much…the rabid wolverine was just balling and it was so hard not to start tearing up as well.

(((side note to myself: no need to keep doling advice out if he never respected your opinion in the first place. Why seek approval of someone who has never cared how you felt one way or another? Let him live and realize you’re just a good a person, if not better, than him and his self-importance)))

Today work is well, very annoying. For obvious reasons stated above as well as other people I’m having to deal with. I am just cranky today I guess. Stefan brought in the band CUT COPY for me to listen to but I’m saving that for the afternoon. I am supposed to go see HARRY AND THE POTTERS tonight but I am going to be 1—ALONE *and* 2—in danger of missing the beginning of LOST. Good news on the LOST front from Marcus Aurelius: the last eppy of sweeps will be KATE’s eppy, where the crux of her past will finally be revealed. Once FRECKLE’s flashback eppy is over, I will only be fiending for LOCKE’s crux story. HOW THE FUCK DID HE GET IN THAT WHEELCHAIR??? So yeah…I plan on just chilling at home on Thursday: packing and doing laundry.

I finally took my photos into RITZ to get them developed. Should be barraging the internet with new photos (even stuff from my vacation to RENO!!!) come tomorrow.
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8 Days, 11 Hours, 11 minutes, 54 seconds...

2005-11-09T12:56:00.000-05:00

Until HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE premieres: Some things do get better with age. RIFF RAFF reports that Mr. RADCLIFFE is now dating a 24 year old. See, dreams can come true. =)

QOTSA were fucking brilliant. They played alot of old stuff, some new stuff, the venue is small and personal. Being 20 ft away from sexy-ass JOSH HOMME was very nice indeed. Me and Matty were rockin' out. It was such a good show. A perfect ending to my weekend of ROCK/ELECTRO.

I got home from the show and went to Billy's, b/c well, I dig him. =) I spent my day off Tuesday in his company...we watched HUDSON HAWK, several eppy's of I LOVE THE 80's, then he walked me home b/c I was a sick girl. I'm feeling ok--this 2nd round of bird flu is not making me nauseous and all that like last time, but I'm coughing up a lung and my singing along to my albums @ work just isn't on key.

Oh yes, I'm an aunt for the millioneth time. JAMES SHAW O'BRIEN was born on Tuesday. This is Jenny's 4th child. Shelly Belly is a sister once again. But also an aunt. Yeah...go figure that one out. I know I can't.

I have nowhere to go on Thanksgiving. My family is going to TENN. and I can't take the days off. This is a very strange feeling to have no place to go.

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Currently watching: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (Two-Disc Deluxe Edition) Release date: By 08 November, 2005

.BEST.WEEKEND.EVER.

2005-11-07T13:57:00.000-05:00

Current mood: anxious

Fucking A...this weekend rocked the hizzy. I must tell you the bad news first so I can revel in the fun that I had: I lost my debit card (ME AND KEG LEG are total twins with this absent-mindness thang). I left it in an ATM Saturday nite during PLEASURETOWN @ TRANSIT.

And now, the fun stuff:

FRIDAY: Bill and I met @ HIKARU, had dinner, and watched LAND OF THE DEAD (it was ok...the fact that SHAUN from SHAUN OF THE DEAD is one of the zombies is fucking brilliant though). It was a good time and I got my fix of The Ghostface Billah.

SATURDAY: chilled until it was time for NIN/QOTSA. DEATH FROM ABOVE 1979 opened up and they're a 2 piece juggernaut, rocking out like nobody's business. QOTSA were good but you can tell that Nick O is not around anymore. TRENT and NIN were fucking brilliant--as always--this being my 4th time seeing them. Way more "hit-heavy" than the ELECTRIC FACTORY show but bright and loud and awesome!! They played my 2 fave songs ("ruiner" and "the wretched") so I was content. No encore--but that's normal for Trent.
After that I had Frank drop me off @ TRANSIT for TOMMIE SUNSHINE/FELIX. This was the best club experience ever but I can't talk about this now b/c I'm writing about it for JD"s blog. Details to come.

SUNDAY: I came home @ 6am sunday, fell asleep with ice cream in my bed and woke in a puddle of melted chocolate. Yes, it looked like I shite the bed. I took a shower, started laundry, went to THE BEAN CAFE and read for awhile, then rented STAR WARS REVENGE OF THE SITH and spent the nite @ Billy Boy's. :swoon:

Tonight is QOTSA in Atlantic City with matty and should be bloody awesome. I have off tomorrow again so that's a nice little thing to break up the monotony. That's all for now fuckers!!!

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Currently listening:
Demon Days
By Gorillaz
Release date: By 24 May, 2005

!!FRIDAY NITE--DATE NITE!!

2005-11-04T12:45:00.000-05:00

But first, your moment of CHRISTIAN:

Its Friday, my direct deposit finally went through, and I got plenty of sleep w/o freezing my arse off. This was thanks to my fuzzy Cheshire Cat fleece, didn't even need the heating pad. Rachel has told me she will be calling the landlords today to be a little more firm about my window getting fixed, meanwhile she said I could use her space heater this weekend since she'll be staying @ Jesse's.

Last nite Bill came over for a bit, then I ran to WAWA (well actually I walked why must you know ALL the details of my life??? *wink*), got a hoagie and DIET CHERRY VANILLA DR PEPPER (ze brickthrower's current lifeblood) and watched DIAL M FOR MURDER with Carey. It was really good and everytime I watch a bloody HITCHCOCK film I am reminded of why I should be watching more classic cinema. I still REALLY want to see NORTH BY NORTHWEST. I should probably get that from TLA after I'm done with HAMLET.

Meanwhile, tonight's agenda is looking pretty damn sweet. Stefan is dropping me off, Bill is coming over around 7. We're gonna have dinner @ HIKARU and rent LAND OF THE DEAD from TLA. Movie nite @ the South St abode--fa shizzle. I'm quite content...Rachelle left already and Donna leaves @ 4pm; I just hope the bookings stay relatively non-existent so I can chill for the rest of the afternoon. One can always hope.

I don't think you people know the extent of my MUSE obsession. I listen to ABSOLUTION daily, sometimes twice or more, it invades my soul and makes me feel all nostalgic for a time that never was. Yes, I'm quite insane.

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Currently watching:
Land of the Dead (Unrated Edition)
Release date: By 18 October, 2005

Savvy?

2005-11-03T11:59:00.000-05:00

Current mood: ecstatic

And now...your THURSDAY moment of CHRISTIAN:

I had sushi on Tuesday night and started watching Ethan Hawke’s HAMLET but passed out around 11:30 due to extreme exhaustion from DRAC’S BALL. Due to the SEPTA strike, I’m getting to sleep in a little later than usual as Rachelle is picking me up and taking me to work every morning from Broad and South.

Last nite, in my usual glutton for punishment way, I had dinner with JD and his new ladyfriend. She is a blast to hang with and we got VERY VERY VERY lit up and played pool @ the Indy. It was weird at first but I was having a great time by the end. I know—I am supposed to be sober this month but I started drinking to make things go a little more smoothly at the beginning and by the end I was drinking to drink. So it goes…afterwards I walked over to Bill’s and chilled with him. I won’t deny it—I am really digging on this boy. He’s an absolute sweetheart. I told JD b/c well, he’s one of my closest friends right now and I thought he had a right to know. He gives his blessing and is happy for me. Not that I needed him to be happy OR care, but it always makes thing easier when your friends agree with your decisions.

I couldn’t be dating 2 guys, its not me, so I had to tell Matt the truth. I am still remaining celibate, I still want to take it slow, but I really like Bill and want to give this a real shot. =) I’m just really happy right now. The thing that would make me positively ELATED would be if I could visit my mum and Shell-A-Bell, but I won’t be going out there until HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE. I’m almost done with book 4 (mind you this is the second time around)—should have it done by this weekend and I’ll start reading THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX, in my opinion the weakest book. I was eyeing up SNAPE’s wand on THE NOBLE COLLECTION’s web site yesterday. I’m just a tad obsessed! =) If you ever want to live the madness with me visit this site ==è http://www.mugglenet.com It rocks the hizzy for HP info.

So today my plans are to take out the trash, maybe do some laundry, finish watching HAMLET, Bill is coming to visit for a bit (huzzah!), should be a nice low-key evening. I’m super psyched about Saturday—NIN and I just found out FELIX DA HOUSECAT is dj’ing @ Transit. I’m SO FLIPPING there!!!

And that is all for now. Xoxoxoxox

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Currently listening:
This Station Is Non-Operational: Anthology
By At the Drive-In
Release date: By 24 May, 2005

!!!Christian-MANIA running wild!!!

2005-10-25T13:35:00.000-05:00

And now, you're moment of CHRISTIAN:

Believe it or not Kittlings...its raining again on Filthadelphia's cold streets. I usually am quite partial to the rain, but everything in my house feels damp and cold. We need to get the windows properly insulated (((not to mention I need to get my window fixed since I have a HUGE GAPING HOLE where my A/C was, horribly patched up by one "non-dextrous Brickthrower"))). Tonight is cleaning night for the ladies of South Street. Rach hooked it up with some spicy tuna rolls from work, she's also picking up the wine (prohibition starts Nov. 1st) and it looks like we have a working CD player downstairs now so I can try to force everyone to rock out to some Electro this evening.

Before we begin the cleaning I'm meeting Bill for coffee somewhere on South St. Bill is JD's former roommate and always a good time.

Last night I was supposed to stay in but boredom and loneliness creeped up on me and I ended up going to the New Wave to play Quizzo. I did alright for being by myself (neither Dave nor Jonathan made it out)...made some new friends to tag along with some other lonely monday night, and drank way too much chard. I watched THE BROWN BUNNY, which succeeded in only making me lust after VINCENT GALLO more due to the equipment he's packin' downstairs. And that's all I'm going to say about that.

Today me and Matty are emailing back and forth and it looks like THE BATES MOTEL is on for Saturday. We have a back-up place as well in case its rainy and gross out. Fun should be had by all! As for Thursday, I have my next P.O. appt. in the morning, then after work I'm meeting Gena (the other bridesmaid) at Johnny Rockets. We still need to find a ride to the rehearsal dinner but we'll figure something out. I have to get my nails done still, but its probably better than I wait on that so I don't fuck them up.

Does someone have the REAL TOM GREEN on their Myspace list? I'm scouting for him...and any other comedians/fave actors anyone has. TOM G., like DANE, is funny to me b/c of their articulation and tone when they speak. I'm way into that.

Blah...almost time to go back to work. I'm on edge today for some reason. And its not like getting out of work will be any more fun b/c that's when cleaning commences. Its sad to say, but I hope i get bathroom duty again. Doing the floors SUCKS!
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Currently listening: Origin of Symmetry By Muse Release date: By 20 September, 2005

CHRISTIAN BALE--the new Brit Obsession

2005-10-24T13:56:00.000-05:00

Current mood: content

As if my love for Christian Bale could grow any more, I watched BATMAN BEGINS this weekend and it was fucking brilliant. The best BATMAN film ever made. CILLIAN MURPHY was quite the scary villain, and CHRISTIAN played both brooding and playboy with the greatest of ease. He is going to surpass JUDE soon as my favorite Brit-Boy...I can see it in the future.

So Reverend Dave Johnson, a MYSPACE pal that is an artist and recently had his animation picked up for CARTOON NETWORK (coming in Jan 2006). And guess who is going to be a background character on an eppy?? Here's a hint:

Pretty ain't it??? I can dig it...and don't ever say my hanzo sword didn't get me anywhere!!!
So this weekend was pretty eventful. Here's a quick wrap up of the events, in chronological order:
FRIDAY--I took the train with Stefan into the suburbs, proceeding to WILLOW GROVE and meeting up with Matthew. He had planned debauchery, just as I wanted to partake in, starting with dinner at the Hibachi grill. Japanese food--this boy knows how to make an impression!!! We were doing sake bombs with Asahi and all the food was decadent. We then took a detour to Kat's house, a girl with alot of similar interests as me, then headed to the Bent Elbow with some of Matt's friends in tow. Finally we crashed at Joe's house, all of us passing out to TRUE ROMANCE on the TV. I had a smashing time and have already planned to see Matthew again this Saturday.

SATURDAY: Matt dropped me off @ home and I pretty much went straight back out into the rain to get my shoes for the wedding and a Halloween costume. Rethinking the idea of what I should be, I decided to get a Little Miss Muffet costume. Its SOOOO short, I have to buy some booty shorts to wear b/c I'm sure at some point my ass is going to make an appearance at the Dracula's Ball. The outfit is too cute, I got a petticoat to make the skirt poof out and thigh highs with little white bows on them. I want to get some pink ribbon to put my hair in pig tails. I honestly can't wait--HALLOWEEN is only a week away! So yeah, I rented some movies (2 MST3K flicks and THE BROWN BUNNY--Vincent Gallo's latest) then got soaking wet getting a cab to D&B's where I met up with Nic, Lindsday and their mothers. This is where I met Gee, a bartender in the midway that set my heart ablaze. He was just a cutie all around. I chatted him up and gave him my number. I don't think he's going to call me but heck! At least I tried. I left D&B's when Gee got off his shift and met up with Keg Leg @ Mannys. Very drunk, I passed out on the couch shortly thereafter.

SUNDAY: I woke up around noon with a pounding headache but made some soup and drank some water to remedy that. Took the subway down to South Philly to hang out with JD; we watched BATMAN BEGINS, EQUILIBRIUM (he loved it...I have converted another!), and the MITCH HEDBURG dvd I bought. I read some comics and made shrimp scampi and salad for dinner. Moto got a new cat toy so she was lovin that...and slept on my lap everytime I sat on the couch. I had a breakdown at one point and cried due to stupid expectations. Me and JD are really good friends and its going to stay that way...being single sucks sometimes but that doesn't mean I need to rush into anything. Its just funny how much you realize something is worth when its gone.

So today, work, which is hella boring, I'm sending random emails to Stefan, Matthew and Lauren. Emailed Warren about my cartoon debut, and brought in some new music to listen to. Tonight I'm just chillin' at home, watching movies and reading. I want to be well into GOBLET OF FIRE by the end of this week. Mum got our HP tickets--can't bloody wait!!!
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|||The New Review|||

2005-10-18T12:09:00.000-05:00

Current mood: naughty

I have anothew review up on THE EASY LIFE. Check it out here====> EQUILIBRIUM <===click me!

This weekend was good even though I was nauseous most all the time and still hacking up a lung. Friday I stayed in until about 10pm when I went to CHEERS with Jonathan and Rachel, Saturday I spent the day with JD watching THE OMEN iii and THE AVIATOR. THE AVIATOR is a fucking brilliant film. I regret not seeing it in the theatre. DICAPRIO is a good actor. YEAH I FUCKING SAID IT!!! You wanna start something? THE OMEN iii was a bit of a let-down, well the ending was anyway.

On Sunday I took my A/C out of my window only to find that my window doesn't go down all the way. So using a hand towel, some duct tape, and a cardboard box wrapped in a trash bag I was able to fashion myself a crappy little window covering until we can get the landlord to come check it out. I saw Jonathan again later that night, we went to Mannys for a few and then drank SMOKING LOON wine and watched EQUILIBRIUM (of which you can read all about by clicking the link above!!!). Jonathan had a bootleg of BATMAN BEGINS but it wouldn't read in my PS2 so I'm quite sure it must've been a DVD-ROM or something.

Yesterday I almost went completely postal at work, but finally caved in and got my meds and some mucinex as I'm still a snot machine. I went over to JD's for dinner and started the daunting task of reading my huge stack of comic books. I also got to see the newest EXTRAS eppy as well as the newest ROME. Both were beyond good. I left JD's around 10:30 and waited for a bus, took a shot of Nyquil and fell asleep reading HARRY POTTER iii. They are auctioning off tickets right now for the world premiere of the film in NYC--so if anyone wants to get me an early X-Mas present, I would recommend this. 2 tickets for the going bid of $6000. Come on! You know you want to!

That's about it. My spirits are higher than they've been lately, I'm feeling alot better all around about things.
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MUSE lyrics--The New Obsession

2005-10-13T12:26:00.000-05:00

"Hysteria"
it's bugging me,
grating me
and twisting me around
yeah i'm endlessly
caving in
and turning inside out

'cause i want it now
i want it now
give me your heart and your soul
and i'm not breaking out
i'm breaking out
last chance to lose control

it's holding me,
morphing me
and forcing me to strive
to be endlessly
cold within
and dreaming i'm alive

'cause i want it now
i want it now
give me your heart
and your soul
and i'm not breaking down
i'm breaking out
last chance to lose control

and want you now
i want you now
i'll feel my heart implode
and i'm breaking out
escaping now
feeling my faith erode
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LOST and Circumstance

2005-10-13T09:09:00.000-05:00

!!! [LOST SPOILERS AHEAD] !!!

A couple things lead me to believe that HURLEY’s dream left elements that dwell in truth…SUCH AS:

+the milk carton HUGO drinks from has a picture of WALT with “MISSING” above it. But HUGO has been on the island the entire time and doesn’t know the fate of the boat crew yet. So how could his subconscious make that assumption unless it is showing the FUTURE as well as the PRESENT?

+the “JIN CAN SPEAK ENGLISH” theory—I still believe this. I just watched the episode that I was referring to last week regarding JIN understanding the SAWYER, MICHAEL and JACK yelling about him on the beach. It was actually the eppy that it is revealed that SUN knows English; and the beach scene is very compelling and substantial with evidence that Jin can understand English…but the other scene that is the clincher for me is when SUN is explaining to JIN why she didn’t leave him at the airport in Sidney. She talks to him in English. Why would she do this if he couldn’t understand it? He doesn’t stand there and ask her to speak in Korean—he just listens to her. BECAUSE HE CAN UNDERSTAND AND SPEAK ENGLISH DAMMIT!!!

+HUGO has this dream before JACK puts him in charge of the food, NOT after. This only leads me to believe that the dream was more PROPHETIC than a comment on HUGO’s psyche (albeit he was going to torch the food just so he wouldn’t have to deal with it which is pretty messed up anyway).

I agree with Sweet Lou’s idea that THE OTHERS are not the people that found JIN, SAWYER and MICHAEL. They are also hiding from them in a bunker on the other side of the island…the question is, do they have a button they have to push as well? And why did I think ROSE had died? And what caused those people to go all LORD OF THE FLIES primal quicker than our LOST group???

This show is becoming more and more of a mindfuck and its messing with my head. But I’ll hand over half my brain to the TV show if it stops those inner voices for a while.
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M.I.A.

2005-10-11T11:16:00.000-05:00

I am just starting to establish an identity of my own so its been very hard these past few weeks. I’ve been going in between total OK’ed-ness with my situation to utter loneliness and longing. I don’t know what’s going on right now except that I have said this before and I’ll say it again: I have never needed to be alone more in my life than right now. To have these things thrown at me (my uncle’s death, my sister’s problems, my worries over certain friends’) and not have the usual support of a boy to get me through it, to help me wallow in it, has made it roll off my back a bit easier.

My support system used to be the other person I was with, not my own mind or my own skeletal system. So these parts of my body have become severely atrophied. In need of repair and strengthening. Old habits die hard…but I have been able to say “no” to relying once again on someone else for everything. I can’t fall back into the same pattern, even if the variants have changed. The constant is that I am still fucked up and have no hope of redeeming myself unless I start thinking about who the hell I am.

As if someone so self-involved could have no idea who they are. Well I assure you that this can be a very real problem. A problem that I am struggling with now with such disdain and heartache that its making my jaw-clenching even worse, my drug taking stilted and sporadic, my life a series of fuzzy moments marked by the usual activities of work and DVD watching. I am going to figure this thing out—I vow that if I can promise nothing else.

I had a 3 day weekend b/c of COLUMBUS DAY so yesterday me and Frank went to the FRANKLIN INSTITUTE to see the BODYWORLDS exhibit—plasticized muscle and bone in various poses and shapes; I was nauseous most of the time. I would be lying if I didn’t say I overdid it this weekend, coming home on Monday I just was glad to be home in my bed, alone for a bit until about 9pm when I couldn’t stand it anymore and just went to the NEW WAVE to read and grab a couple glasses of wine. I oftentimes don’t even need my own company; just being around other people is enough social contact for me at times. I was in bed before midnight but had a horrible time sleeping; waking up freezing and text messages that I got hours later from when they were sent was the reason.

I have plans to write about the new FRANZ for JD’s zine-site so I think going home and watching the DUAL DISC DVD stuffies will be the first thing I take care of tonight. I shouldn’t go out tonight at all—I’m pretty sick with some sort of cold or infection—NYQUIL induced sleep may be the cure-all for what ails me these days.
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I Called it!! [LOST talk]

2005-10-06T12:40:00.000-05:00

Current mood: awake
POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD KITTLINGS!!!!
If you look at the episode, the watch episode I believe, where JIN is on the beach being attacked by MICHAEL, there is a split second where they give you a voice over of what is being said as JIN would hear it.

MICHAEL and SAWYER are screaming at each other, and oddly enough JIN hears their fighting in his native language of Korea. This led me to believe that he was translating and that he could speak english as well. This was pushed aside after he NEVER admitted to SUN or anyone that he could, even after getting himself into extreme circumstances.

And then, on the previews for next week's LOST, they show JIN speaking perfect English. A dream? Perhaps. But I'm telling you, I've been calling this for awhile. JIN can speak English--he's a fucking gangster for crying out loud and he knows when to keep his mouth shut and when to talk.

The scene between DESMOND and JACK in the woods where JACK almost breaks down when speaking about his wife further proves Mr. Cyphere's theory that JACK's wife is dead from his father's medical negligence.

Louis also just noted that all the numbers add up to 108, which is what the countdown clock in "THE SWAN" resets to.
OH YEAH--I'm writing for another blog right now--putting up reviews: The Easy Life
That's all for now.
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Currently listening: Elephant By The White Stripes Release date: By 01 April, 2003

The answer to the eternal question...

2005-10-05T09:37:00.000-05:00

WHAT IS ZE BRICKTHROWER GOING TO BE FOR HALLOWEEN?
The Answer:

Malice in Wonderland Bitches. Ordering it Friday.

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October is HERE! And my home away from home.

2005-10-03T11:55:00.000-05:00

Current mood: mellow
The STARBUCKS that is new to the SOUTH ST area can go screw. I asked for JAVA CHIP, b/c I like the espresso beans they blend into the frappucino. The guy took forever, and blended it so much that there was no espresso bean goodness except @ the very bottom and by then I was quite sick of it.

This may be a minuscule thing to complain about—but it’s the little things that kill.

My weekend was pretty good, you know if you don’t count my uncle dying on Friday and SUICIDE GIRL (that's my new nickname for the current bane of my existence) calling me to tell me about her latest antics (SUICIDE GIRL is scaring me but I’ve been told by everyone she is just trying to get attention so I’m letting her insanity sorta play itself out). I’ve had to live with a certain amount of craziness due to my mother and my own mental issues but I never EVER thought I would be watching the total disintegration of this person. I don’t even know what to believe anymore. My uncle is younger than my father, and got cancer and passed rather quickly after being diagnosed, and instead of trying to get through this with SUICIDAL GIRL—she is playing her own game of “PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!” and I am just sick of talking about it so I’ll shut up now.

Friday night I hung out with Keg Leg. We went to MANNYS and THE NEW WAVE, then Kell left for home, and I went to TATTOOED MOMS and back to MANNYS. I was regretfully asked to leave after falling asleep at the bar. Yes kittlings, this is how I cope with my problems. Awesome isn’t it?

Saturday I woke up with a killer hangover, went to INFINITE to get a new disc for the back of my piercing (it popped off the night of THE KILLERS show), then walked to OLDE CITY for lunch. I came home, hung out, made another outing to RITTENHOUSE for some swag @ Wonderland, then met Frank @ MANNYS for less drinking than the night prior, but more conversation with my 2 favorite barkeeps—Brendan and Rachel. These 2 are right up Ze Brickthrower’s alley; we talked EXISTENZ and CRONENBERG, Rachel and I did shots of Jameson, Mike the bouncer introduced himself and said it was cool that I was napping @ the bar the night prior. I have been privy to having my own “bar” before; what with palling around with JD and getting the hook-ups that go along with frequent visits and good tipping. MANNYS is now ‘my bar’, and I dig that Rachel and Brendan make me feel more like a friend than a customer. Frank and I didn’t stay too long—he has doggy obligations that keep him from staying in Filthadelphia too long—we ended up going back to his place in JERZEE and falling asleep to NAPOLEON DYNAMITE. This is the 2nd attempt for us to watch this movie together and this is the 2nd time we’ve both passed out during it.

On Sunday we had breakfast and I got dropped off. There was some music festival going on RIGHT OUTSIDE MY WINDOW so I attempted to nap but it was kinda hard. I went over to JD’s around 3-ish and we went to PATHMARK for grub (JD made some excellent shrimp alfredo); I watched HOME MOVIES season 2 and napped by myself and with Moto on me, then it was time to watch MR DANE COOK headline the INSOMNIAC TOUR on Comedy Central. He was gorgeous and hilarious—it was a good show all around and I’m just so glad to see DANE finally getting his dues. He’s the fucking man.

I left right after the show was over as it was 11pm…got a bus, texted Rachel @ Mannys and made my way back to my home away from home for a few drinks, some conversation with NOLAN (another local), Rachel and Bren. I stayed until Rachel was done her shift and then had her over for some cider and EDDIE IZZARD, which she absolutely loved. Hopefully she can make it out to THE CORPSE BRIDE, which I will be seeing tomorrow with Carey and her little sister. The best part of this being that I will get to see the HARRY POTTER trailer on the big screen, a more exciting prospect than one can ever imagine.

So although I was down on the female of the species last week, I’ll give Rachel a shot. She’s a doll. And tall, and sorta gothy, and super cute too. But you know, that’s just an added bonus.

Tonight: I must make decisions. TO QUIZZO OR NOT TO QUIZZO??? I’m thinking staying in, SHAUN OF THE DEAD may be in order and I’m sure my body wouldn’t mind drying out a bit. Frank and I haven’t made plans for this week but I’m thinking I’ll probably see him Thursday if not sooner for lunch. As tomorrow is movie night, then LOST on Wednesday. I asked him to be my date for the wedding and he agreed, barring any traveling he might be doing. Things are going smashing between me and him and he’s just a swell guy. We’re just having a good time spending time together.

I have successfully wasted a good hour @ work writing out this entry. Awesome! Awww, yes. I will be attending DRACULAS BALL with LX and Val (the ticket is my late birthday prezzie) so the real question is—WTF am I going to be for HALLOWEEN??
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Currently listening: Elephant By The White Stripes Release date: By 01 April, 2003

You Can't Talk to a Psycho Like a Normal Human Being...

2005-09-28T12:59:00.000-05:00

Current mood: optimistic
My car was recovered--wrecked on one side, all the windows broken and tires flat, yeah...looks like this will be my 2nd car totalled. My parents will have to say that I drive in Philadelphia now and that will raise their rates--they are probably going to take me off their insurance and I am going to go w/o a car for a year or two. I just can't afford it right now. And I'm getting around alright w/o a car so far.

People I want to kill...and people I'm glad I know.
My Hanzo sword will stay sheathed until I spring into action, ninja-style, and take care of those that have betrayed me and those that have taken no responsibility for their actions. I don't deserve the attitude...not from you or anyone else. You know who the fuck you are!

(((awwww...come here...you need a hug!))) Replacing the vileness that has invaded my world of Ze Wretched has come 2 Knights in Shining Armor, both bearing the burden of dealing with my insanity and chaos in strikingly different yet highly effective means. Taking my cat in, driving me places that I need to get to, helping me calm down in the midst of a breakdown, telling me the truth where others weren't. I am blessed right now. Buddha has helped me cope with my sister (so has my mother who finally took the burden off me), and I am seeing who my real friends are. I have been told this past week that I was 'gift'...but really I feel like I've been receiving gifts in people where others have failed me miserably.

So I get to see Kell on Friday--we're going to the KHYBER to see the RED TOPS play and I haven't seen my girl. Tonight is LOST with Ze Moto and JD; I'm also getting my personal items back from the guy that found them on the street by the Barbary in NE Philly. Tomorrow is THE SHITE! THE KILLERS with Frank, we're leaving work early but will still be in @ 9am for work on Friday. On Saturday or Sunday i'm going to see THE CORPSE BRIDE with Carey.
Other than that--you can probably find me at my local bar or writing out checks and watching LOST reruns.

Rock N Roll.
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Currently listening: Only By Nine Inch Nails Release date: By 23 August, 2005

CLARK GABLE -- By Postal Service

2005-09-27T13:28:00.000-05:00

I was waiting for a cross-town train in the London underground when it struck me
That I've been waiting since birth to find a love that would look and sound like a movie
So I changed my plans and rented a camera and a van and then I called you
"I need you to pretend that we are in love again" and you agreed to

I want so badly to believe that "there is truth, that love is real"
And I want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd

I greased the lens and framed the shot using a friend as my stand-in
The script it called for rain but it was clear that day so we faked it
The marker snapped and I yelled "quiet on the set" and then called "action!"
And I kissed you in a style that Clark Gable would have admired
(I thought it classic)

I want so badly to believe that "there is truth, that love is real"
And I want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd

I know you're wise beyond your years, but do you ever get the fear
That your perfect verse is just a lie you tell yourself to help you get by?

lyrics by POSTAL SERVICE
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|==Love will Tear Us Apart==|

2005-09-26T08:39:00.000-05:00

THE BAD NEWS: My car was stolen and certain people have been lying to me. really, that's it for the bad news. I mean other than the fact that my mom is livid and I'm in the middle b/c I trusted the driver and then I get into this mess. Gah...its a long story and I refuse to further incriminate anyone. I'm giving my mom her number and vice versa today and telling them to settle it. I wasn't even there, the car's not in my name, I don't know how else I can help.

Needless to say, with this past years insanely horrible luck with cars, I'm thinking of giving up on them for awhile--esp. considering I can't drive right now. I'm quitting cold turkey. I lost my records, my HARRY POTTER book set, my ikea chair, some computer stuff, luckily some nice musician found my personal items like photos and files, the thiefs must've left that stuff for dead. My TIE FIGHTER! I've had that forever kittlings. As Dane said just a bit ago--I'm batting 1000 with the shite going down right now.

THE GOOD NEWS: I met JD on South St. and much to my chagrin, he had not told his hair stylist that I was going to be there. After much whispering JD loudly proclaimed "yes, I am talking to my ex-fiance" to the answer of applause and "ooohs" and "ahhs". I was probably blushing red as a beet. As I know this will happen alot--people are suprised to see me and him together again after the animosity and the hurt. And please--don't misconstrue my words--we're going very slow and still talking about things that happened in the past. There are still wounds that are fresh b/c of the utter isolation we had from each other for awhile. It was just VERY comfortable. We had good conversation, strained at times, but he took me to VARALLI--this kickass seafood place on Broad and we did the TOWER RECORDS loop and he asked me as we were leaving the restaurant if I was forgetting everything and that just shows how well he knows me. I feel like right now I"m still in that dating period and I love my new place but I also feel very satisfied to have him in my life again. That's all there is to say about that.

After gellin' with JD for a few hours, I met Frank @ MANNY BROWNS and we had a few drinks, a shot, and then went back to my house for some gellin' and DVD watching. A trip to TATTOOED MOMS took place, then we went back to my place, then decided on a whim b/c Frank couldn't stay over (he has a dog) to drive back to Jerzee and continue the party. I had NO intentions of furthering a budding friendship but he kept me calm during the car debacle...we had a good time just chillin' and watching TV, drinkin' and keepin each other company. He dropped me off Saturday and a few hours later I was getting ready to leave for his house again. So yes, I spent the weekend in Jerzee. And I finally got to open mouth kiss after a 2 week hiatus. And I don't know where I'm going with Frank but he's a doll and I'm happy to have met him.

I'm going to see my cat today, bring her litter and clean up any necessary messes. I got to see Jonathan last night as he joined me for drinks @ Manny's then LOST watching with Care. All in all a good weekend...you know besides that whole GRAND THEFT AUTO thang.

FUCK THAT SHITE! PABST BLUE RIBBON!
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No Karma Pedestian Instead Karma Spring Cleaning

2005-09-23T10:02:00.000-05:00

Current mood: peaceful
I've said it before and I'll say it again...the only thing from the fantastical world of HARRY POTTER I wish were real was the ability to APPARATE and DISAPPARATE. Could come in very useful at times.

Work isn't the stress fest anymore, even with the uncovering of some trash that mos def needed to be thrown out. The janitors should have it all squared away by the end of the day.
LX should get an official "ORACLE of ALL THINGS DRAMA" award. He called this Sunday. It was like everything he said came true. That is indeed, something to laugh about.

SOMETHING NOT TO LAUGH ABOUT: My car was in an accident. Still trying to get this squared away as I'm on suspension and wasn't driving nor anywhere near the car. Details forthcoming.

Jo-EL never made it out. I'm done putting forth as much effort. I'll see him when I see him.
Plans for the weekend:
Tonight: meeting JD on South St...we're gonna do the TOWER RECORDS loop and then I'm swinging back to my stomping grounds for a meet up with Frank for drinking and general debauchery.
Tomorrow: don't know.
Sunday: FUCK ALL. Its a FUCK ALL sunday for me.

Shout out to KEG LEG for being an awesome girl and willing to look out for me with every step of the way. Shout out to JD for listening to my horrible KELLY OSBOURNE cd and not mocking me for it. :Wink:
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Currently listening: Danse Macabre By Faint Release date: By 21 August, 2001

THE SHAME OF THE GARAGE

2005-09-21T12:42:00.000-05:00

Leo, I swear
I'm not your whore
no matter how many times
you kiss my neck
grab my bare skin

I am laughing it off
brushing it off
grinning and bearing it
not getting paid except in
divine degradation

Knowing I have a boy at home
waiting for me while I
begrudgingly dispense digits

I didn't want to have to
do this Leo
I am being serious now
when I say this is the
last peck on the cheek

You are being so demanding
and I am exposing how pathetic
I am for letting your
hands roam me with an intimacy
you were never granted.

Sure take another cigarette
from my 6 dollar pack
even though you didn't ask

BUT YOU NEVER ASKED FOR ANYTHING
DID YOU LEO?

Take and take and take
Followed me past aisles of
lights and blinkers
No windows in here but alot
of mirrors.
So I can look into my own eyes
and be reminded of how little
I value myself.
(9.15.2005)
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And I want life in every word

2005-09-19T09:15:00.000-05:00

...to the extent that its absurd. The trip to Reno was eventful in the way that I got to see my brother and my nephews and meet his totally cool girlfriend. I had to see his ex-wife which SUCKED but what can you do?
The first night there I went down to play the slots even thought it was technically 3am our time. I met Greg, native from Trinidad with gorgeous dreads and a nice accent. He would prove to be the only boy worthy of talking to the entire time. I also met Leo—which got a poem written about him but I’ll post that later. He was fucking scary. And that’s all I’m going to say about that.

I have pictures and will post them soon with commentary. Needless to say I lost a lot of my money and some of my dad’s money. I played Roulette and Blackjack for the first time EVER and sucked at both of them. Reno has really really grown.

***THE FOLLOWING IS A WORK OF GLAMORIZED REALITY PLAYED UP AND EXAGGERATED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY***
Fuck that. Let's just pretend none of this ever happened.

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Viva Reno!!!

2005-09-11T10:50:00.000-05:00

Today I leave for Reno, NV and will be there until Thursday.
I may have time to blog, I may not...we shall see.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO FRANKIE B.!!!

See ya soon suckazzzzz~

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White Light//White Light//White Light//Alcohol-Alcohol-White Light!

2005-09-09T13:31:00.000-05:00

Tonights the night. Tonights the night. Tonights the night. Tonights the night. But before we go into WHITE LIGHT-ALCOHOL, let me tell my kittlings about Thursday.

I have been talking quite extensively to a fellow MYSPACE'r--Harlos, and he invited me over to watch movies, listen to music, drink some beers, and be generally skeeved out by his Ferret named Curry (they are too big for me to find cute--I know its a weird quirk but whatever).

Harlos is super nice and understands alot of the family shite I'm going through right now. We were watching RULES OF ATTRACTION (hahahahaha) and then who should call but Jo-El, looking to come down the city and spend a few hours with yours truly. I jumped all over that...telling Harlos that I wanted to see him before I left for vacay...and so I left Harlos' a little early to meet up with Jo-El @ Mannys.

My girl waitress was there but I'm quite sure she smiles and looks pretty to everyone...so I waited for her to approach me. She never did. It was cool as it was $1.50 Lager nite, Jo-el was buying, and when I mentioned us "dating" he didn't cringe or retaliate. That's a good sign. He is also keen on keeping my car while my license is suspended, so he can come visit me more -AND- stay over as well. This was a GREAT thing to hear.

We went back to my house and chilled, watching ALI G and -NOT- kissing b/c of my piercing (no open mouth contact for 2 weeks--luckily one of those weeks is going to be on vacay!). He left around 3:30am; didn't get to bed until 4am; but woke up and made it to work on time despite the fact my alarm is fucking with me again.

WHITE LIGHT-ALCOHOL
Me and Trey J are going back and forth on what to wear. I went from thinking I would do something very conservative to wearing my asian mini-dress, wide fishnets, and knee high boots. It will go better with the recently shaved head and piercing. I feel like I"m going to prom but really--its my goddamn 25th birthday/engagement party!!! After hours will be taking place @ BAR NOIR...FLICK is escorting me and if that bastard doesn't get dressed up in a suit I will have to kill someone. Jo-El doesn't think he'll be able to make it out but that's actually ok b/c I need to get as much sleep as possible, then head over to Ry's before catching a train to my rents. Ze Moto is being picked up by Dane and Ry is keeping the car until Jo-El can take it.

I feel like I need to get about a million things done in a very short amount of time but I guess this is when I thrive the most.
What do I say? ROCK N ROLL.
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This Station is Non-Operational

2005-09-08T11:51:00.000-05:00

For my birthday, Trey J surprised me by taking me to INFINITE and getting my labret pierced! I was able to get a spike done right away so right now I'm in absolute *lurve* with my lower lip, where a silver spike resides like it was meant to be there. She got her belly button jewelry put back in, and it was so easy I'm considering get the 2 lip rings on either side now as well. I would like to consider this piercing an engagement gift as well.

When I called me mum to warn her, she didn't sound too keen on it. But then again--I didn't think they would be. We went to T-Mom's after for drinks and word dojo, rolled into the apt. at a totally decent hour, and set up Ze Moto moving in with Dane. Hopefully this will be her last move for a long while. She's been through as much moving around as I have!

(((I know we're not the greatest of friends right now--but you can't even borrow my car? Its the little things that kill man)))

DID YOU KNOW....? In addition to my titles of QUEEN OF THE PATHETIC, ZE WRETCHED and ZE BRICKTHROWER, you can now also refer to me as CUNT. At least that's what i hear.

Tonight I'm meeting up with this kid from MYSPACE for some drinking and gellin'. I have Trey J set up to call me at a certain time and make sure things are going ok. So I'm going home, packing, and then walking over to Locust and Broad.

Joely D wasn't able to make it up last night so I can only hope I see him on Saturday after Lily Langtree's. Saturday afternoon I leave for my parents house.

I don't want to be here. Its too nice outside, I'm bored with work, and its freezing. BLECH!
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The New Obsession

2005-09-07T08:30:00.000-05:00

Not having cable has its advantages. It allows me to watch the same movies over and over again, feeding my OCD and repetitive nature. In the past couple weeks I have watched (multiple times): UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADE, EDDIE IZZARD, FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS, SPUN, SEX AND THE CITY, TENACIOUS D, NAPOLEON DYNAMITE, and of course…THE RULES OF ATTRACTION.

I *heart* this movie so much that I could probably watch it every single day; its like really being into a band and just having that one album. You love it so much and its so played out but you NEED it. SHANNYN SOSSAMON, with the recent weather change, has become my fashion idol. I love her style in this film. I love the little Bran-look-alike spazzed out coke dealer that JAMES VAN DER BEEK fucks with. I find IAN SOMERHALDER to be absolutely smoldering b/c, as we all know, I’m a sucker for a suit.

So when I should be rearranging my room or typing up something or doing ANYTHING productive, I am probably going through my closet to find more SHANNYN-esque clothing and watching THE RULES OF ATTRACTION for the millioneth time.

That’s it. The end.

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A Quarter of a Century...Put on Your Party Hat!!!

2005-09-06T08:49:00.000-05:00

Sounds horrible when its said like that doesn't it??? Or maybe I'm just a whiny little girl.

Here are the events of the weekend, in chronologically order and some things omitted to protect the guilty.

FRIDAY: was propsed to by TRE J--accepted the ring which I'm now wearing. Ate Lorenzo's pizza.

SATURDAY: Sold video games for money. Went to MANNY's with Jonathan--were invited over to B&W's for cocktails. It was pretty low key and come 11:30-ish my boy Joely calls to see what I'm up to. We stayed up watching UCB and chillin' It was super sweet.

SUNDAY: Had breakfast @ South St. Diner...he had to leave to get back to the burbs for work that night...Care took me to the IRON PIG PRODUCTIONS play called PAY UP for the fringe festival. It was awesome. Had drinks @ CUBA LIBRE and SKINNERS, then came home and waited for Joel to get done work. He came over, we went for last call @ MANNYS; I saw the one waitress that is alway really nice to me and she's super cute. Went home and listened to music--drunk and talking too much about "us" when 2 weeks ago we agreed to take it slow and nothing serious. I told him not to mind me or my obsessions. He was a perfect gentleman. We fell asleep downstairs listening to MUSE and it was uber nice.

MONDAY: Went to see my cat with Joel in tow; Rae and Ry were just chillin'. We watched the series finale of ENTOURAGE and then walked to like 3 different bars looking for a place to drink and grab food. EVERYTHING in No-Libs was closed. Ended up have Ry drive us to CHAMPPS, where we had some yummy drinks, good food, and then I bought WAY TOO MANY CDS:

+GORILLAZ DEMON DAYS

+AT THE DRIVE IN THIS STATION IS NON-OPERATIONAL

+WHITE STRIPES DE STIJL & ELEPHANT

+CKY AN ANSWER CAN BE FOUND

By this time it was about 5 in the afternoon, Ry and Rae dropped us off and we had time to kill before quizo @ THE NEW WAVE. Listened to some more music, had Joely shave my head, did some laundry...talked to Mike R. then did Quizo and got 3rd place. Met up with Tre J for birthday drinks @ MANNYs (my girl wasn't there--suck!) and going home and falling asleep to THE D in concert, Joel left, I went to bed, and all was right in the world.

Supposed to go to a show with Flick and Tre J on Wednesday--Joely D is down to come hang out so I can only keep my fingers crossed on that one.

TONIGHT: Rachel is taking me out for drinks @ MINT. Tre may join us; I'm gonna officially celebrate on Friday when we hit up LILY LANGTREES. I wish I could buy a new dress but oh well--I'll make something work.

On Friday my license suspension starts; Saturday I go out to my parents b/c Sunday me and my father fly FIRST FUCKING CLASS out to Reno for the week. SOOOOOO ready for a vacation. Should be fun.

BIRTHDAY.BRICKTHROWER.ROCK.

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Birthday Cancelled in Fit of Apathy

2005-09-03T15:11:00.000-05:00

I was supposed to meet with some poeople last minute @ the NEW WAVE CAFE for Birthday drinks but I have cancelled due to general malaise that has been persistent since this morning.

Anxiety, persistent worry and the need to watch depressing movies about drugs and suicide are also in the mix.

I am listening to THE DRESDEN DOLLS and I feel like the shadow of a person. When depression hits me like this its hard to think consistently about the problems of the world (KATRINA which his just horrible and mind-numbing in its horrors; for crying out loud someone left a puppy tied to a tree during the evacuation. The puppy was saved but I don't see the problem with tying that guy up and letting water rush in up to his eyeballs for a bit.) or perhaps the suckiness that is the FALL OF THE HOUSE OF NO-LIBS, my bills not paid, my mail floating around between 3 different places...none of them my real home.

My sister keeps an ache in my heart far deeper than anything on my mind, except for the fact that I can only focus on how to obliterate all feeling even though the day is beautiful and I went out with Tre-J for a gift for a friend and then sat at the fountain on 2nd street and watched the world go by. That was made me really sad...that's the funny part. It was so nice and I just could not enjoy it in any way.

The need to cuddle overwhelms me but Joely D is working as he does all weekend and who knows if he really wants to cuddle anyway or if I have set myself to be some geeky call girl with a great DVD collection and more pirate parphenalia than should be allowed in one room.

Cubed is gonna totally identify and be upset by this statement--but I could use some NYQUIL right about now. Yesterday I was on top of the world and now I have fallen off the side with a hideous THUD. RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR. I haven't been officially diagnosed with this type but its fitting the bill real well.

I would tell you about the date with Matt last night or perhaps that I ran into Frank from the Navy Yard or maybe that LILY LANGTREES is mos def on with FLICK and I want to buy a new dress but can't afford it so I have to come up with an alternative. I could go into great detail and bore you all but instead I will work on the new poem that has been swirling around my head for days now. But I leave you with these lyrics b/c they fit so well right now:

good day (((by DRESDEN DOLLS)))
so you dont want to hear about my good song?

and you dont want to hear about how i am getting on

with all the things that i can get done

the sun is in the sky & i am by my lonesome

so you don't want to hear about my good day?

you have better things to do than to hear me say
god its been a lovely day! everything is going my way

i took out the trash today and i'm on fire...
so you don't want to hear about my good friends?

you dont have the guts to take the truth or consequence

success is in the eye of the beholder

and its looking even better over your cold shoulder
i'm not suggesting you up and line me up for questioning

but jesus think about the bridges you are burning

and i'm betting

that even though you knew it from the start
you'd rather be a bitch than be an ordinary broken heart
so go ahead and talk about your bad day...

i want all the details of the pain and misery

that you are inflicting on the others

i consider them my sisters and i'd like their numbers
god its been a lovely day!

everything is going my way

i took up croquet today and i'm on fire
i picked up the pieces of my broken ego

i have finally made my peace as far as you and me go

but i'd love to have you up to see the place

& i'd like to do more than survive i'd like to rub it in your face.....
hey! its been a lovely day!

everything is going my way

i had so much fun today and i'm on fire

god it's been a lovely day everything's been going my way

ever since you went away hey i'm on fire.....

i'm on fire...

so you dont want to hear about my good day?

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I'm a FAKE WINNER!!!

2005-08-31T14:43:00.000-05:00

Its official. Only THE BRIDE and ELLE DRIVER can top my hanzo skills bitches!!!

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A Noir-ish Nite

2005-08-31T09:29:00.000-05:00

I made the statement that I would be staying in all week except for FREE walks around the neigh-borhood. This extended to FREE anything when Joely took me out. Last night I was invited to dinner with Beth, Wayne, and Jackie. Here is a quick rundown of the players @ the beginning of the night:
Beth~Ry The Scot's sister
Wayne~ Beth's husband,British, nuff said
Tre J~ We live so close to each other now we've been spending a lot of time together.
Juliet~ friends with B&W
Linelle~ fabulously loud woman who is friend's with Juliet.

We went to for cocktails and dinner to THE CONTINENTAL, martini bar and insanely good food. I was having Espresso martinis and then we moved onto red wine, Beth's fave. The food was decadent! I had chicken skewers, crab and spring rolls, and BBQ chicken quesadillas. They serve the food esp. for sharing so everyone was just picking off the plates. It was so much fun. I thought after the whole No-Libs debacle last week and my estrangement from Stefan, wouldn't be hanging out with Beth and Wayne again. But they're awesome people and they don't care about the drama. Linelle and I talked about our pets. She even had pictures of her puppies--too cute! Juliet has a gorgeous bull dog as well.

So after dinner me and Jackie went to BAR NOIR to meet her brother Sam and his volleyball partner/friend Russ. Me and Sam danced and we've made plans to go see a show @ LILY LANGTREES, this dinner/musical theater thang in KOP (its a "double date"). I'm trying not to be completely obsessing over Joely, and Sam is just being a sweetheart as usual so its all good. Just for fun and an excuse to get dressed up.

Keg-Leg met up with us at the bar for a beer. She drove me and Tre-J home and was gonna crash with me but decided to drive home. I ended up staying downstairs and falling asleep to FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS. It was a stellar night...maybe even a "tubular tuesday" (((if the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles had to describe it. :wink:))).

Other highlights as of late:
*I need my head shaved and am hoping Joel can do it tonight if he decides to come visit me
*Saturday I had a fantastic time with Jonathan on and around South Street...I was late for the dart team meeting b/c I went to see THE ARISTOCRATS with Care (AWESOME FUNNY HI-LARIOUS film), but we started @ O'Neals, but also made it to Copa and the NEW WAVE where many many many many games of bar crack AKA Megatouch were played. Tripping the Light Fantastic you could say
*I think its my week to water the plants but I can't remember. I did yesterday anyway so there.
*If anyone has any guesses on how Jackie's nickname became Tre-J, I would love to hear them. You'll never guess!!!
*I am going to have a salad now and its not even 11am.
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~Meet Joely D~

2005-08-30T08:01:00.000-05:00

I met Joely thru the Keg Leg, WAY WAY back in the day when I was still with Bock and us kids were partying @ Kell's house on a Saturday night b/c we were too young to go to a bar.

Strike that, the first time I met Joely was @ Kyle's house (the guitarist of BEST DEATH EVER). Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's the first time I ran into him. Anyway, it was a million years ago and I have run into him quite happenstance @ TEMPLE a few times (we both attended college there) and other BDE shows. (((Last night @ Monks Cafe for insanely good foreign beer and food we were trying to remember if we've seen each other since 2002; I miaintain that we have not but he seems to think there was another meeting somewhere in there.)))

The last time I saw him I got his cell # with the full intention of calling and hanging with him @ some point. That never happened as I had a new boyfriend and he had a girl and these things happen...as they are of course meant to happen.

Until Friday, August 26th, after going through yet another "crisis" with my sister and having just a shite day all around, my 2nd mate Keg Leg Kell came down to Filthy to ravage South Street. We started @ Manny Browns and ended up @ the NEW WAVE, where I've been spending so much time I should just start working there with Carey. Keg Leg and The Bastard were leaving, I got up from the Megatouch machine I was hoarding to say good bye to them and walk them out............................when who should be at the bar getting a pitcher of lager but Joely D?

I was a lil tipsy so perhaps I was a little overly happy to see him--and since Kell was staying and it was early yet, Joely invited me to join his friends for some beer, pool, and conversation. We talked about everything and nothing~drunken speak is often roundabout and inhibited. Upon leaving the NEW WAVE he came over and watched UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADE, SEVEN, and ended up crashing @ my place.

Saturday morning we had breakfast @ the South St. diner and parted ways. Exchanging numbers, and knowing he was working all weekend, I restrained myself until Monday to call him. Upon which we made plans to get together again.

Dinner @ MONKS, talk of BLOC PARTY for my birthday and QUIZZO next Monday, more UCB, plans to see each other Wednesday, oh yes kittlings, a decent boy might just be in my life right now. If nothing else, he is too cute and super sweet.

I mean, for crying out loud, he refills the water filter EVERY time he gets water from the fridge. Now that is a keeper right there.

I refuse to obsess and count all my chickens before they hatch. We are having a good time and for once this month, I think things are sorta, kinda, going my way. Even if his parents are a bit of the religious zealot-type and he still lives in the suburbs. :wink:
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Randomness

2005-08-29T13:01:00.000-05:00

*When four or more episodes of illness occur within a 12-month period, a person is said to have rapid-cycling bipolar disorder. Some people experience multiple episodes within a single week, or even within a single day. Rapid cycling tends to develop later in the course of illness and is more common among women than among men.

*How exhausting it must be to still act this angry and uncaring--how do you find the time and energy?

*Experiment of the Week: Let's watch as Ze Brickthrower is not allowed to leave the house @ all save for work and FREE walks around the neighborhood. (will further insanity ensue??)

*Ze Moto is going to need a new home...details to come

*For my birthday, as MR. ELLIS requests for himself every year, I believe it is time for me to be taken behind the stables.

*I have no desire for anything except for a phone call.
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Buddha hearts me, yes he does

2005-08-25T14:10:00.000-05:00

My week began with a colassal mistake which I was sure would cause me a friendship I had grown to truly appreciate. Although I seemed to have some redemption with a reconciliation between me and a friend that had been estranged for awhile, I felt chaos all around me, and I didn't see an end in sight.

Yesterday was spent online doing more research into Buddhism, a "religion" I had labeled myself but never really delved very far into. This being part of my weekend homework, I hope to be even more knowledgable by next Monday. B/c see, the very basis of Buddhism is chaos. And so I already have a working understanding of that. And after asking Buddha for help (which I haven't done since my days of sobriety), I started to feel better. And last night I stayed in and didn't have the anxiety to leave the house as I often do--although having no money helped that urge of course.

I was well rested, had written down my few personal goals for this weekend, and came into work to find that not only had my troubled friendship had healed itself and we were on speaking terms again, but another relationship in turmoil has been able to heal slightly. I feel a sense of calm as I think about staying in this evening (although I do have a couple errands to run but that should get the urge of being out and about clean out of my system), staying in, making dinner, relaxing with some wine and MIDNIGHT CLUB DUB EDITION.

Tomorrow is FABULOUS FRIDAY, my only meal out of the house in the next couple weeks. Me and Jackie are going to the Continental Midtown to enjoy martinis and decadent food. I have a dart team meeting on Saturday, where I will make my final decision on whether I'm in or I'm out. And finally on Sunday I will be going to AZURE to see Todd the bartender in his open mic glory.

Its sounds like so many plans and so much to do. But really, other than dinner tomorrow its all tentative. I am w/o a cell phone so that's fun. Its ridiculous how much I feel like I"ve lost a limb or something. But I'm finally getting the NOKIA i've been in lurve with forever, complete with full QWERTY keyboard. :drool:

I'm ok, you're ok.
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Seeing You...8.14.2005.

2005-08-23T15:36:00.000-05:00

Seeing as I’m the only one
Willing to talk about this…
About this “seeing” thing

I’ll start with things as
I see it.
I see you walking
Away from me
Taking the light with you
You give me glimpses of
The impending darkness
Around me.

I have obsessed my way straight
Through love and lust and
Desire
Pushed through jealousy, doubt
And anger
Crashed miserably into hate
And dug in my heels
Bore down on a
Rusted bit
Seeing that we never had
A chance—it’s easy to come to
Come to the conclusion
That I never had you anyway

Did you see me
When seeing meant more
Than your standard view?
Instead of skirts and slacks
There were knickers and
Underthings…and skin.

When laundry day came
-and that was often-
often you could see it all
wrapped in crimson sheets
and cheap schemes
to make you mine forever
with just the wave of a feather
My confidence is just as superficial
As my skin
Covering every inch of me
But a view of nothing within

So you see
I can observe the scene and
Analyze
Or you can show me the basic truths:
You never loved me.
You never did.
Blinded by the lights perhaps?
Even denser than a black hole
Does being this nice to me and
Watching me grovel
Give you some sense of urgency
To run away screaming?
Kiss my face for 3 days straight…
Then disappear for 2 days more?
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Could you be at Risk???!!!

2005-08-23T13:39:00.000-05:00

The Symptoms Include:

1--Rants and Ravings of a PATHETIC nature

2--General self-loathing

3--Feelings of helplessness over such trivial things as loss of cell phone

4--Crying while working and barely trying to hide it

5--Self-Medication due to fear of complete and total mental breakdown

6--Repetition of sad songs, usually SYSTEM OF A DOWN related (go figure)

7--Swinging between extreme feelings of elation followed by complete and utter despair

***if you know anyone with all of these symptoms then you are probably close personal friends with Ze Brickthrower. In her nature, it is customary for her to cycle through extreme emotions. Today, she has hit rock bottom with a very ungraceful and injurous land.***

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NYC DRINK-UP 8.19.2005--Countdown to Extinction!!!

2005-08-19T14:26:00.000-05:00

And so here we are on this Friday afternoon, as I exercise with all my will the ability to stay awake under extreme cases of boredom. I woke up this morning and packed, got all my shite together for tonight's trip to NYC. I am beyond excited...mostly to see my boy Frankie B., my partner in madness, but also to chill with Philip Clark again and some other hooligans from the comix/internet world. I have been lying low in this world for awhile--but started making appearances on JINXWORLD again and that's really about it. Its tough to know who is going to hold grudges, or take sides, or remember past mistakes, but everything seems cool now. And I'm glad to be back in many ways; although my motivation to write about the comic world again is only slightly there; Attila helped sparked that interest by sending me some amazing work for BEOWULF. I am trying to line something up for the new site as we speak.

So yes--drunken debauchery in NYC--I could not pass up the opportunity. I am just psyched to be taking a small little trip and getting away from the drama that has been going on here in Philly. I don't want to get into details but me and Stefan are about as estranged as we've ever been...and its something I'm still trying to deal with. I'm feeling slightly left out--and I don't think it has anything to do with the quality of the company but just that I'm missing out on something, anything, which is so stupid but it plants itself in my mind and doesn't leave.

Saturday I come home and then I'm meeting with Dave Ozark--we haven't hung out in awhile and he knows of my money sitch so we're just gonna sit around and watch the Eagles (you know how much I love football!) play and drink some beers. Sunday me and Ry the Scot are going to this outdoor Dj-vs-Dj party that is also free. Free is good. Last night was supposed to be mostly free but I went to TLA to get a couple movies and Rae and I just had to beat WORD DOJO b/c Manny Brown's megatouch had an extremely low score on it. We were both asleep by 11pm on the couch. I got some much needed catch-up on my rest.

Dane let me borrow a skirt for tonight and I lurve it--goes well with my new shoes which I am in total *lurve* with. Just waiting for 4:30pm to roll around so I can head off to the city that never sleeps. HUZZAH!!!

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Epiphany #1,359,459

2005-08-18T13:33:00.000-05:00

I have been going out to keep myself busy.
I have been going out to keep myself sane. But in the end the only thing I’m doing is spending entirely too much money and trying entirely to hard to gain acquaintances.
I had to borrow money off my parents and my shrink just to get by. I took out a loan which I spent on some things for the house, but mostly in bars and paying for other people so I’ll have someone to keep me company.

I need to learn that being alone doesn’t mean I have to be lonely. I should be writing more and working on my stuff for the web site. I want to go to London in Jan. of 2007 and for longer than a few days. I’m never going to be able to if I keep this lifestyle up.

You know its funny that my mom, and some people on the internet are always like “your life sounds so interesting!” “you do so much! How can you keep it all straight?” and I can’t. I’m gonna be 25 in September and I can’t fucking switch off. Not even for a second. I’m afraid if I remain stagnant that I’m going to lose all my friends, any chance at love, here it is again—the absolute and terrifying fear of being alone.

I’m not the strong one or the smart one. I put on a good act but in the end that’s all there is. I’ve made plans so many times and they’ve failed utterly. So here is my new plan—to make NO plans. As in, no trips (save the ones already planned)—no looking for shows or DJ nights. No plans for the bar unless I’m called. I’m done being the social director and trying to get every detail correct. Its just not worth it.

Queen of the Pathetic, with no plans whatsoever,
~mary e. Brickthrower
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For those special people in my life...

2005-08-17T14:56:00.000-05:00

FUCK RIGHT OFF SUCKAZ!!!!
Some are friendly F-U's, some are for absolute bitches that need to die.

And this headache is not helping my mood. The worst hangovers are the ones that grow gradually throughout the day due to suckass events.

Not like today sucks, I have a business dinner tonight...need to just go home and pass out. Last night I ended up crashing @ Beth & Wayne's b/c I drank a little too much. We had a good time. Rae and Ry reconciled on some level so that's good.

But there are about 3 people that I just want to maim and make suffer. I cannot wait for Friday--NYC BABY!!!
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A copy of a copy

2005-08-15T12:18:00.000-05:00

I saw Todd last night. Open mic @ AZURE--his voice is so nice and I absolutely adore hearing him sing. Me and Rae hung out a bit at his pad after he closed up the bar--Carey came out but
only for a bit...Rae drove me home but not before I wished that Todd's job left him with more time than a few hours before dawn. But such is life.

Stefan called out today and my car was @ his hizzy so that meant using my last $20 to cab it here today--Dane is giving me a ride home and then I'm not sure what I'll be doing...setting up my computer and fixing my application for TLA VIDEO. I figure that would be one hella cool part time job. I love working @ Indie shops.

So a quick weekend wrap-up: FRIDAY was Stefan's birthday party which was pretty fun but I ended up going out with Rae and leaving pretty early. SATURDAY I went to dinner @ New Wave and met Rae there. We ended up going back to my pad and watching SEX AND THE CITY on DVD. Carey came home around 1 and drank and watched TV with us. Todd called me a few times and finally decided not to come visit as it was 4 in the morning and all. And SUNDAY was Azure, Bar Crack (aka Megatouch), Stoli Raz and Red Bulls, and some cool music. I got my room even more organized and rented CONSTANTINE.

Friday I am heading up to NYC for a Bendis Board drink-up. Frankie B. is meeting me @ the bus depot and Philip is providing a place to crash. Wednesday i'm getting my labret pierced. Saturday me and Dane are going shopping @ H&M.

I'm the walking dead today. Its not FIGHT CLUB...but if it was, not like I could talk about it anyway. :wink:
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Going Back to Cali...

2005-08-12T08:23:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday Stefan! On this day you will dance the disco and relive your younger years when your ADHD wasn't as prominent. I *HEART* you and you'll always be my best friend...remember that goonie!!!

Tonight we're having a little get together in honor of Sausalito turning the ripe OLD age of 28...I still have to get a few things for the soiree but that's because cleaning my room, doing laundry and all that jazz took longer than I thought. My room is still not quite where I want it to be--but its shaping up. Mos def more liveable now that I have a place for everything (just need to put everything in its place).

So yeah, last night was work around the house...then I went over to Stefan's for a bit and chilled, did some crossword puzzles and watched some TV. Cried like a baby to the end of MAN ON FIRE even though I only watched probably the last half hour of it. Seems like a good movie indeed. Finally returned AZUMI w/o watching the end but I probably owe a pretty penny on it now.

The new obsession: POSTAL SERVICE--FS-like but dare I say...better?

Rock.N.Roll.

As for the title of this installment, I am planning a January vacay to visit Nic, the girl I used to work with who rules the school and has offered me and Sausalito a place to stay in sunny San Diego. We're planning a JANUARY trip so we can leave the cold behind and gel in the warm sun. Should be a blast and relatively cheap. I"M PSYCHED!!! I have Reno next month and then Cali in January??? West Coast--RETURN OF ZE BRICKTHROWER!!!

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The South Street Cleaning Crew

2005-08-10T11:54:00.000-05:00

I went to Stefan's yesterday after work to see Ze Moto and then we headed to AKA records. After already buying a few CD's @ Best Buy, I also got some new records. In sum, I have ALOT of new music:
**CDs**
1-SYSTEM OF A DOWN--Mesmerize
2-THE STREETS--Original Pirate Material (finally have it besides Napster)
3-Royksopp--The Understanding
4-DJ Keoki--Kill The DJ & Keokiclash (re-bought them from the night they were stolen)
**Records**
5-The Faint--Danse Macabre & Nickel Arcade (I think that's the name of it)
6-Fischerspooner--"never win" remixes
7-Felix Da Housecat Versus Sasha-"watching cars go by" remixes

Stefan bought some good stuff too so I'm feeling like I'll be ok until next week at least. =o) Anyway, after all this music purchasing, I had the house cleaning gathering with my 2 roommates, Carey and Rachel. We had fun, I bought some wine and took to scrubbing the downstairs floors and surfaces, and in an hour or so we were all done our respective chores, sweatier than ever, and prepared to watch a flick and relax.

Rachel and Carey cruised my DVD's and we almost put in THE BASKETBALL DIARIES, but instead went for some more lighthearted comedic fare with EATING RAOUL (pictured above). This movie was such a contradiction onto itself. Awesome cinematography, over the top acting that was borderline unwatchable, unabashed stereotyping and racial epithets. I was cracking up as were the roomies. It was a good choice and we had fun just chillin, drinking, talking and gellin. It will be a once a month occurence which will be nice esp. since we all have very different schedules and rarely see each other during the week.

So tonight I'm organizing my room if its the last bloody thing I do. If I dont' have all 3 IKEA pieces put together by tonight @10pm when I'll be heading to the WINCHESTER, well, there will be hell to pay...by someone. :wink:
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|||Ze Brickthrower's Slogans|||

2005-08-09T13:12:00.000-05:00

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Trainspotting on the Balcony

2005-08-08T13:38:00.000-05:00

I have been invited to join Jonathan (my teacher in the way of darts) to a screening of TRAINSPOTTING @ the Trocadero Balcony tonight. Alcohol, cheap entry, and scottish brogues. I don't think it gets much better than that.

The weekend was strange. I accomplished alot, even got some stuff for the new AI book decided and straightened out. I couldn't hook up my PS2 b/c I need an optical cable--but hopefully tonight me and Stefan can get my book shelf and desk set up so that will lessen the junk space and make room for the fun part of my room--the decoration. Right now I just have bags, boxes, and totes strewn everywhere. The first night in the house was not scary or frightening even though I was sorta making myself think that way. But I survived.

COLDPLAY was pretty damn cool--we left during the encore just b/c of the sheer volume of people there--I have never seen a concert that full to the brim. Perhaps b/c they reach all kinds of demographics? Me and Rae walked from the ferry to the WINCHESTER and hung with Jonathan, Jason, and played a game of darts that I came from behind to win. Double cork on my 2nd throw really helped me out. We were playing with house darts as well.
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We're Home Early!

2005-08-06T19:54:00.000-05:00

Stefan and Ry came home Friday instead of Sunday. Way to mess my weekend plans up! :-P Me and Rae went to the CONTINENTAL on friday and got seated almost immediately b/c my new roomie Rachel bartends there. The food was INSANELY good--I had BLT scallops which were absolute heaven.

Stefan called on our way to the subway and asked why the A/C was on. Not asking if I was holding up in light of my recent problems, or "we're back--what are you up to?" It was just straight up self-righteousness. I wish we didn't hate each other so much right now. We can always be friendly to each other but there is just a rift there. And it sucks. Anyway, the night was spent with Jonathon & co. @ THE WINCHESTER, it was fun.

I moved completely into my new place and so I'm more psyched than I've ever been. Well, save a few things here and there--moving 3 times in 3 months SUCKS! But I'm finally settled and the A/C is in and all I need to do is put together some IKEA furniture (which Keg Leg is helping me with) and I'll be good to go. Carey was home and invited me out for a movie--we went and saw HUSTLE AND FLOW.

This movie was SOOOO good. I want to go see it again. The first scene where D Jay lays down a track gave me goose bumps. It was such an organic scene and creative in the midst of a totally uncreative setting. I'll be writing about this more for an upcoming internet column.

Spin my fucking blues away...

2005-08-05T07:26:00.000-05:00

I went home early from work yesterday after overwhelming myself with the thoughts of the person for whom the previous entry was directed. After contacting my shrink and going through a intense 20 minute power session, I finally started to feel better. The only thing left with my now is a bit of pathetic sympathy and anger. I see the person in question tonight, and basically have one question to ask her. Depending on her answer, I will either be there to help or I will need to detach myself even further from the situation.

I indulged in some record buying early in the day:
**ordered online**
+FISCHERSPOONER-"never win"
+WHITE STRIPES "7 nation army" mixes
+THE FAINT-DANSE MACABRE (full album)
+FISCHERSPOONER "emerge" mixes

**bought @ AKA records**
+FISCHERSPOONER "just let go" mixes (including THIN WHITE DUKE remix)
+DAFT PUNK "technologic" mixes

I watched a few different movies. I slept alot. Around 7pm I dyed my hair, showered, then mixed records for about an hour or 2. Took solace in darts and the company of local friends @ THE WINCHESTER--glad to be able to function again. Of course I'm behind with moving now but maybe it will be good in the end b/c then I can employ man servant Stefan to help me finalize the move on Monday. Tuesday is going to be our cleaning night in the new place so that will be cool to get to know my new roomies better.

THE BRIT has been emailing regularly, COLDPLAY is Sunday, and I really wish I could just apparate to my parents house. Driving by myself is so bloody boring.
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Agenda Suicide

2005-08-04T07:22:00.000-05:00

You know who you are:

I talked to you on Sunday and I knew that you were in a bad way. After all, I had seen this before with your boyfriend in high school. I knew how hurt you could get. But when you threatened to hurt yourself--I didn't believe you. And I tried sympathy, and empathy, and finally anger to make you get control of yourself. I said if you threatened harm again then I would call someone and make them take you to the hospital. You said you weren't serious.

Once again I'm left in the dark of the details, the higher ups seem to think that hiding these things from me is a good idea b/c of the shite I"m dealing with now. But goddammit--WHY DIDN"T YOU CALL ME??? I said to call me if you needed me. You didn't have to resort to this. And you may say now that it was a cry for help and you didn't intend to actually do it but all I see in that statement is selfishness. I could've lost you and TO WHAT???? To prove a point to some boy that means less than nothing to me?

I'm so angry with you right now. I'm so sad that you resorted to this. "you may have a comfy bed to sleep in" at the hospital, but I have to mask my pain and keep on going, act like everything is ok, work and keep sane so that I don't fall apart. I hate you right now for making me worry like this. I can't even talk to you. Hence this letter--which you might never read but I need to say something to someone right now or I'm going to collapse into a violent mess on the floor.

You know I love you. You have no right to leave here before I do.

(((as depressed and as sad as I've ever been, and joked about slitting my wrists, I WOULD NEVER DO IT. I'll never joke about it again)))
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SEVERUS SNAPE

2005-08-03T08:11:00.000-05:00

Why have you forsaken me???

(((I finished HP last nite...and cried for a half hour regardless of knowing a VERY IMPORTANT part of the end--please note that I *heart* SNAPE and I know he did what DD told him to do, but he ran away--making me very very very very sad)))

R.A.B.--I think I know who this is!!!!

Last nite was pretty mental. I fell asleep watching THE MACHINIST (I'm just re-watching at this point to pick up more subtleties) and woke up around 8pm. I had the strong desire for sushi and the need to finish HP. So I went to KOI and read, came home and read. Around 10:30 Care called to have me come over to her 'rents and get the A/C. Rae called and we planned to meet up. Upon waiting for her I finished HP and cried.

Having strong resolutions, we started out watching SLIDING DOORS and drinking chardonnay. But soon WORD DOJO was brought up and Todd the bartender was also mentioned. So we made the trek to AZURE but it was closed...so as it inevitably goes, we ended up @ The Winchester, where we chatted up D and Nicola, a alterna-boy and his Italian cousin. I was trying to communicate with him through a pidgen language of English, Spanish and Italian. We closed out the bar and they boys came over, I attempted to spin and then Todd called me. I finally persuaded him to come out and everyone hung out for awhile but it was bloody 5am when I finally went to sleep. I guess I might've shot down Todd in a way--he didn't seem happy leaving but I needed the rest. Tonight I'm watching the rest of my movies, dropping them off, and hopefully not succumbing to word dojo.

I got my loan so am buying the last of my needs for my room and will be getting everything settled tomorrow. I'm going to come home from the 'rents on Saturday and hopefully go see BATSUPSIDEDOWN play in Oreland. Sunday is a book meeting and while I have several title ideas, I'm not even sure what the cover choices are.

I got my NIN tickets, me and Rae are planning a vacay for next year, and THE BRIT has emailed me twice in the past 3 days. <3

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Still not done HP--get off my back!

2005-07-31T18:41:00.000-05:00

I've been busy alright! And goddamn drunken Ry the Scot might've just ruined the ending for me. I could've killed him last night but instead I almost started crying. Yes I am that much a geek. Ok, so let's see...

FRIDAY NIGHT--THE NIGHT OF THE BRIT
I came home from work and got ready to meet THE BRIT @ Beth and Wayne's. Ash was looking as cute as ever, and I was giddy with excitement about gellin' with him on South Street. We went to the comic shop first, where I caught up on 3 months worth of back issues: grand total: $61.77. Me and the Ex could spend this much in a week combined so I'm thinking my comic habit isn't as expensive as I had thought. We then headed to Jims Steaks where Ash ordered a pepper steak w/wiz, onions and a Corona--I had a reg. steak w/american and a guinness to wash it down. He was wholly impressed by the food; I like TONY LUKES better :wink:. We hadn't heard from Beth yet so I decided to take my Brit to MANNY BROWNS for some after dinner drinks. We talked baseball and music and all that, then after many a text from Stefan and Kell (who were waiting for us), we headed back to No-Libs. This was really the last major contact I had with Ashley, as we then met up with B&W and Lisa, Larry and Christina for drinks @ DEUCE. Iwould've liked to talk more to him but we were in a group setting and I don't want to be too forward. I did get a hug and a kiss upon my departure, have his digits and email, and hope he actually stays in contact. Even if there weren't immediate sparks, I'd still marry him so he could stay over here. :wink:

SATURDAY--CLASS, CAREY, AND CONSEQUENCES
I finished out my class at 3:30, came home and began the moving out process. This consisted of grabbing a few things from home, going to the storage space and getting the rest of my things, going to Target for odds and ends, then unloading everything at the new place. My A/C is broken (Carey is getting me a new one on Tuesday), so I had a huge fan and was just sweating hardcore but unpacked most everything I need and set up what I could. I trashed my desk but the 'rents are hooking me up with a TV and desk so its all good. I need a PS2 though. I called Ry to see if he wanted to join me for dinner @ NEW WAVE, Carey's place of business. And Rae just arrived so I shall continue this later.
****I'm back****
Ry and Stefan met me @ the NEW WAVE CAFE for dinner with Carey as our server. She hooked us up with our first drink and the food was exquisite. I asked her what her plans for the night were and she had nothing in mind AND was getting off work shortly so I told her we would meet up @ the apt. and go from there. I took the boys back to the place to check it out--I got some kick ass things @ TARGET including a Mizrahi "ship light" and a new stereo. I am more excited than anything that I get to decorate this place with my own eccentricity--my hats, my LEGOLAS standee, christmas lights, black light, crazy posters and whatnot. The room is a bright sky blue so I'm going to accent that with purple, black and silver. My Mema's quilt works perfectly with it.
Anyway, Carey joined us back @ No-Libs where we kicked the boys' asses @ pool in the lover-ly Winchester, then chilled @ the house while I made my party favors for Nic's bridal shower. Carey is quite the hip chick and we have alot in common including a penchant for using vocabulary that goes right over Stefan's head. It was an awesome night, even Ry stayed up until 4am which is an accomplishment in of itself.

SUNDAY--HERE COMES THE BRIDE WITH SOMETHING AZURE
I got up and had breakfast @ PENROSE since it was right next to POPI's, the site of the bridal shower. It was quite nice; Dane sat next to me and we caught up, got to see Lindsay, Craig, and Mike (the old roomie who will now be escorting me down the aisle come October), and awkwardly avoided the ex b/c I don't exist anymore. Marc and Nic got hooked up and the food was awesome and it was just a nice time. I stopped in Wal-Mart to check out shevling and decided on a shelf that I shall promptly be buying once my loan comes through. Then I went to TLA VIDEO and rented a ton of movies and ran into Wayne quite happenstance.
I went to Ry and Stefan's--who left with the dirtiest kitchen I've ever seen and no dishwasher detergent. I could strangle them both and Ry already deserves it for his HP faux paus. As previously mentioned, Rae came over with Lola and we took her to the Winchester but she was attacked by some other dog so we went to AZURE instead. Open mic, good music, mega touch, awesome food, and Todd the bartender. Who has a great voice and requested digits. We closed out the bar and joined him @ his place but left pretty promptly. It was an interesting night.

MONDAY--UP TO DATE AND NOT ONE MINUTE LATE
Here at work. Rachelle is back so I couldn't be happier to be here. I applied for my loan, leave early for more court-related bull shite, deposit my paycheck into my citizens acct., and then I'm going to go home and watch movies and veg. Maybe get sushi from KOI...mmmm.
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If Ze Brickthrower did Harry Potters Make-up

2005-07-29T12:36:00.000-05:00

Got this image from one of the HP fan sites I visit. Its slow going with my reading due to the move and all, but I'm on page 405. I should be done by Sunday, in time to talk to Dre about it @ The Winchester.

Tonight, I am tour guide and escort to Ash the Brit who is leaving tomorrow to return to England. So we're doing the tourist trap south street where I will finally finally finally catch up on my comics. Of what I can still find that is.

Saw batsupsidedown last night and they rocked the hizzy. Talked to Matt and drank horrible beer. Before that Rae helped me moved everything out of storage, save for my desk and comic book boxes. I can't think of any male to coerce into helping me with them since Stefan and Ry are leaving for the shore. Fudge. I am contemplating storing them in the van and then bringing them to my mothers house. I really don't have the room for them anymore. 6 long boxes. Blech.

Work is slow and boring...I'm patiently waiting for 5pm so I can rush home, shower and pretty myself up for a meeting with The Brit.
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Happy Birthday Leader and Bock!!!

2005-07-28T13:22:00.000-05:00

I can't keep it a secret any longer. To the left you'll see a portrait of my boyfriend. Trent is a shy one; but he has finally allowed me to reveal our love to the world.

I don't get to see him much--he travels alot and when he's not travelling he is busy with work. He's coming to visit me in November for one night. It sounds hard to deal with, and it is, but it is totally worth it. He even wrote a song about me (entitled "The Wretched"--that was before we even got together. I was his muse even then!). Trent is recently sober so we don't go to bars or clubs alot, but prefer quiet contemplation and glances filled with love in his New Orleans abode. He's in Europe right now, but makes sure to write me everyday and tell me how much he misses me.

Some would say he's a tortured soul but essentially he is a postive person with a positively morbid side. I miss you TRENT! Come home soon. <3
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We've got Crosses on our Eyes||For Better, For Worse

2005-07-26T12:30:00.000-05:00

I'm moving to South Street bitches!!!! I get the keys today and the lease is being signed! Even though my money situation is in shambles right now and I'm barely getting by, I was able to get the hook up on a 3 bedroom apt. right on South Street. Honestly I am in the middle of where I've always wanted to be and its fuckin' brilliant!

Here's some fun stuff that has happened or will be happening in my recent past or nearing future:
++my roomies seem very cool, and look like a bit of neat freaks, so that's a definite plus!
++the apt consists of: 2 full bathrooms, a washer/dryer, kitchen, dining room, living room, 3 bedrooms, my sizable room looks right onto South Street and I have 2 closests.
++my apt. DOES NOT include cable. But I'm going to try to go without. It poisons the mind anyway
++still learning to mix records. Have Stefan helping me now, which is like Mr. Wizard trying to teach a sped but I'm trying.
++I'm house sitting for Stefan and Ry next week while they are at the shore so I will have plenty of time to practice spinning -AND- save up cash by staying in and inviting random people over to keep me company
++both my new roommates will be gone this week (Carey just a few days, Rachel is gone until Sunday) so I'll have the place to myself...and can start planning my room decoration
++Had my first class for my past mistake (those in the know will need no deciphering on that one) and it was torture and just annoying. But this Saturday I'm done. DONE! And then its just fines and that inevitable license suspension. Huzzah.
++seeing GORMAN tomorrow in the hopes to take out a small loan with her and get my head screwed on straight. I'm seriously lacking in the sanity department right now. But working on it.
++NIN are returning NOVEMBER 5th and me and Rae will be in attendance. QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE are the openers. I'm in heaven.
++BLOC PARTY is coming on SEPTEMBER 10th to the ELECTRIC FACTORY. This is seriously been the best year for shows as...COLDPLAY is next weekend! Rock.
++I am so bored with work its not even funny
++me and Stefan have been fighting quite a bit but I guess it comes with the territory of hanging out with your best friend all the bloody time. Its all in fun and we rarely hold grudges.
++Starting to kick around ideas for the revival of my WHAT YOU SHOULD BE COLUMN...shoudl be fun to do that again! And the no TV/saving money thing will be helpful I'm sure.
++my section of the book is completely done. Title of my section: SHARI VARI. Shell wrote my bio for me. My mom read them and thought I was borderline suicidal. rock'n'roll kittlings.

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BEST.SHOW.EVER.

2005-07-22T09:14:00.000-05:00

KAISER CHIEFS--TLA--7.20.2005
A night that will live in infamy as perhaps the most fun I've ever had on South Street and MOS DEF the most fun I've ever had at a show.

I went with platonic life partner Stefan to see them...on a whim really. Mr. Erik S Burham had highly recommended them to me so I bought the tix even before buying the album. After about 1000 listens per day, I was ready for the show (having only been privy to the songs for about 4 days). The tickets were $15; I guarantee you will never be able to see them in the Filthadelphia area for that cheap -OR- at that small a venue again.

They opened the show with "NA NA NA NA NAA"--a fun tune about how both girl and song alike cannot move lead singer RICKY WILSON to dance--but is so infectious that you can't help but get down. Upon seeing the band IRL for the first time, I noticed that we had walked right past bassist SIMON RIX earlier that day on South Street. I knew those pants were too tight for an American! The crowd was going bloody wild, I could not stop smiling due to the sheer rush of endorphins from hearing and seeing such a great show. RICKY WILSON never shut down, "PEANUT" BAINES coming out to egg the crowd on into "I PREDICT A RIOT", drummer NICK HODGSON picking up vocals that WILSON missed, and 'WHITEY' WHITE playing guitar riffs that are still stuck in my head. The set list as I remember in it (not in order and omitting the ones I already mentioned):
“modern way”
“you can have it all” (the one for the ladies)
“Oh my god”
“born to be a dancer”
“Saturday night”
“Time Honoured Tradition”

And like 2 or 3 songs not on the album. More kinetic than COLDPLAY, more punk than FRANZ (these kids sound like THE RAMONES and DEAD KENNEDYS depending on the song), bloody fan-fucking-tastic. If they don't win the MERCURY PRIZE this year, then I'm predicting a riot dammit!
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~The Weekend Review~

2005-07-18T09:15:00.000-05:00

Part One: JOHNNY DEPP IS MY GOD AND PERSONAL SAVIOUR

I went in to CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY with mixed feelings. TIM BURTON’s last remake (PLANET OF THE APES) was horrendous, like BATTLEFIELD EARTH horrible. And I like the original CHOCOLATE FACTORY flick (even if they changed the name and didn’t stick very closely to ROALD DAHL’s book)—GENE WILDER was pretty damn cool as the eccentric Willy Wonka. Who could top him?

Enter the best actor of our generation, the incomparable JOHNNY DEPP, whom I thought for sure was losing his touch with the PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN performance that everyone loved but me. Sorry but it was just a mix of HUNTER S and KEITH RICHARDS to me. From the get-go, I was enchanted with this updated version, from BURTON’s glorious and goth style of portraying sad city streets, and even the most colorful settings are tweaked in some way, a surrealist fantasy or phantasm…depending on how you look at it. But it offers even more than that—the dialogue and story is brilliant—from songs that are the actual lyrics written by DAHL and brought to musical life by DANNY ELFMAN—to the amusing and deeply satisfying acting of DEPP, the scary plastic children (I refuse to believe any of them were real besides the kid that played CHARLIE BUCKET), CHRISTOPHER LEE as DEPP’s father, and DEEP ROY as about 5 million Oompa-Loompas. I was cracking up and embarrassing my sister and mother, but damn was it worth it! I want to see this movie again and again and again. No longer a need for GENE WILDER, sorry sir, but when I make mine WONKA, it’ll be the DEPP/BURTON update. The question is: Have you accepted MR. DEPP as your personal saviour?

Part 2: THE FAINT AREN'T FOR THE FAINT OF HEART.

I happened upon THE FAINT’s “agent suicide” video while perusing my latest ON DEMAND options one morning before work. I was like “ooooo…album is called DANSE MACABRE” but they’re electronic? Goths with Synths? I can dig it. Not so much goth as just delightfully dark electro-tech, THE FAINT quickly wormed its way into my regular rotation of activities…that is until I bought WET FROM BIRTH.

10 songs, under 40 minutes, punk-aesthetic mixed with dark synth riffs and strange lyrics about various aspects of reproduction, WET FROM BIRTH gets under your skin and stays there. Fast enough to dance to with lyrics that aren’t repetitive like many tech groups, THE FAINT is more fun that a barrel of sharps (that’s medical speak). I just bought a DANSE MACABRE song on vinyl for mixing purposes. As I’m new to the game of DJ’ing, DJ STEFAN FRANCOIS will be having his hand at this one. I’ll let you know how it turns out.

Recommended if you like: JACQUES LU CONT, MISS KITTIN, AFI, DRESDEN DOLLS

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Words from my free Psychiatrist

2005-07-13T15:10:00.000-05:00

++++++++++
It's not a dependence on other people. It's a need to feel wanted. You're not comfortable by yourself because you don't know who you are and I'm pretty sure you're scared to find out. There may be something inside of you that tells you that you're a loser if you're alone no matter what you say. Dig? Now that you have a fresh shot at it, you might want to try to be alone for a while. Just a thought. It will help with those obsessive thoughts.
++++++++++

Good diagnosis? Of course. I am looking @ a bedroom in a house of South Street tonight. 2 female roommates and an amazingly cheap price. I am deathly afraid of being alone and it sucks for me to even think about. I don't know what I'll do with myself except hopefully realize who the fuck I am. B/c right now i'm just a convoluted mess of hobbies, things, and words.
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The DENIAL Twist

2005-07-13T09:25:00.000-05:00

THERE IS NO AMERICAN VERSION OF DARK WATER.

Please for the love of Buddha and all that is holy...RUN, don't walk as far away from DARK WATER as you can. Head to your local bootleg DVD vendor and buy the original JAPANESE film. A dirty dive into the tension and creepiness of true Asian Horror awaits you.

JENNIFER CONNELLY tries very hard to makes the AMERICAN version work but it fails miserably with its cheap scares and cheesy back story tacked on to give the characters more depth. The subtlety and ambiguity of J-HORROR is what makes it superior to these American rip-offs. Long winded, RING-like frights prevail over the story of a creepy little girl in a yellow rain coat.

Nicole paid for my ticket and she has promised to get me back by having me take her to some horrible movie. I deserve it. The ONLY good thing about this film was the preview for THE EXORCISM OF EMILY ROSE, which looks infinitely more frightening.

So the verdict: AMERICANS can do the God-fearin' stuff well, but leave the Ghost stories to our Asian counterparts.

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Down...but not bloody out suckazzzz!

2005-07-12T14:07:00.000-05:00

I know I need this alone time and calling up boys just to get noticed is exactly what I don't need. So I'm forcing celibacy and solitude on myself. NAPOLEON is dancing to some sweet tunes that I"m mixing. I practiced DJ'ing again last night--it was hella fun even if I suck. My new approach is to work with some more chill electro and build up speed from there. We'll see how that goes--ordering FS's "never win" will be the first step in complete and total Brickthrower domination.

Me and Secret Boyfriend talked a little more and things are sorta settled. I'm still bummed but I will survive.

Tonight--I'm going to see DARK WATER with Nicole.
Tomorrow--THE BARBARY with J-Z for Mark's last show with Co-Evolution
Thursday--looking @ 2 places in Northern Liberties that need roommates. The price is right and area is even righter (yes I was an English major). Get my desk and remaining "needs" out of storage.
Friday--I have off work for blood work and THE FINAL COURT DATE to get my horrible sentence for my stupid mistake that I'm still paying for. After that: nothing finalized *yet*
Saturday--meet daddy @ the storage unit and pack up the rest of my stuff. Drive back with him and spend the weekend there. Shacky is visiting too so that's cool. We can go out to ze bar or something.

And that is all for now.
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Karma--its a bitch

2005-07-11T13:56:00.000-05:00

What goes around comes around.

Break-up with someone through email--inevitably its going to happen to you.

Words of wisdom my friend. I am so close to a breakdown and its 3pm and I'm at work and I can't think fucking straight.

I need to get the fuck outta this job, outta this town, away away away.
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Things i DIDN'T do this weekend

2005-07-10T10:06:00.000-05:00

+I didn't go see DARK WATER b/c
+I didn't go to KOP
I've let me J-Horror bretheren down...argh dude. I suck.

THINGS I DID DO THIS WEEKEND:
+had dinner with Jack, Wayne, Beth, Ry the Scot and Gail
+started to learn how to spin records (Ry started teaching me--its sooooo addictive)
+watching 6 FEET UNDER on demand
+played some darts
+created a kickass playlist of rokken stuff worthy of Ze Brickthrower!

Really I've just been gellin'. The weather has been gorgeous and Stefan has been at the shore the entire weekend so I've been hanging with Ry and Rae and Ze Moto Kitty. I woke up way too early and made breakfast and now I'm about to crash again. Yep yep yep.
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J HORROR FANATICS UNITE!!!

2005-07-07T14:23:00.000-05:00

This is TOSHIO. He is the cute little spector from my favorite Asian Horror movie of all time--JU-ON//aka JUON THE GRUDGE and JUON THE CURSE. I know he's evil and can morph into a cat and all...but isn't he just adorable with his all black eyes and blue-white skin?? Yeah...I think so too.

So tomorrow DARK WATER is coming out. This is my 2nd fave Asian Horror flick. I think that story-wise--it will be easier for people to understand so therefore will probably do better business than THE GRUDGE did (although with the movie revenue slump of late may prove otherwise). The ending is pretty fukken weird though, so I can only imagine that this has been changed. Or maybe not. One can only hope for a decent representation of a genre of cinema that does not fit into the HOLLYWOOD HORROR mode. The ambiguity of many of these stories is enough to confuse the normal movie-goer. But me and RY THE SCOT, my friend in film, are going to watch DARK WATER with an open mind and if I can get one fidgety-hand scream then I will be happy.

Last night I had a slumber party with Ry until Rae got home--Stefan is at the shore so he's no doubt trying to work on his wife-beater tan. We watched NEWSRADIO and HAROLD AND KUMAR GO TO WHITE CASTLE (unrated). Tonight I go straight home to play darts and pick up some Framboise, then Keg-Leg and Chris Bastard are meeting me back @ the hizzy.

Tomorrow is DARK WATER and a visit with J-Z beforehand. Saturday there is a party @ an art gallery with the FUZZY BOX crew spinnin' and an open beer bar. If stefan isn't home by then I will have to take the blade of my hanzo sword to the back of his cranium. I'm just sayin.
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In a professional setting...

2005-07-06T14:45:00.000-05:00

You must die I alone am best.

I hope ya flip some guy the bird
He cuts you off and you're forced to swerve
In front of the Beatles' tour bus
A Bookmobile and a Mack truck
Hauling hazardous biological waste
The light turns red you have no brakes
And "Hard Copy" gets it all on tape
So you can see the look on your face

I hope your Pinto begins to spin
Takes out a disabled Vietnam veteran
Mows down a Nobel Peace Prize winner
And maybe some orphans having Christmas dinner
Perhaps even the British Royal Family
And the Rabbi that's clutching the bottle-fed puppy
And we can't forget the newlyweds
And those Jerry's Kids are as good as dead

I hope this helps to emphasize
I hope this helps to clarify
I hope you die

I hope your cellmate thinks he's God
But C.N.N. refer to him as Bowling Ball Bag Bob
Serving time again for abuse of a corpse
Only this time the victim's a Clydesdale horse
While he masturbates to photos of livestock
He does the "Silence Of The Lambs" dance to Christian Rock
Eats feces and quotes from "Deliverance"
And fights with his imaginary playmate Vince

I hope he grins like Jack Nicholson
And forces you to play a game called Balls On Chin
And whatever happens next is all a blur
But you remember fist can be a verb
And when you finally regain consciousness
You're bound and gagged in a wedding dress
And the prison guard looks the other way
'Cause he's the guy ya flipped the bird the other day

I hope this helps to emphasize
I hope this helps to clarify
I hope you die

You can fuck right off chap. Way to go with acting your age.
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Darts of Pleasure

2005-07-04T08:57:00.000-05:00

I am shown here with Ry The Scot and the house darts, but I have secured my own set (Pirahna II 90% Tungsten Steel Tip Darts with English flag flights) and have been getting tips from Jonathon--a member of the team @ the Winchester. I have been trying different things for my aim and shot as I'm right handed and left-eye dominant. It can make things difficult. Well yesterday I stumbled upon a line-up/stance/aim that is working for me.

Its the basic fencing stance, lining up with the flight vertical instead of horizantal, and throwing with a slight arc. And it is fucking slick if I do say so myself. :wink:

I have been asked to join the team but I'm still wanting to practice more before I try my hand @ the real thing. Alot of the games are based on math and so that makes me a complete sped so I'll just keep rockin' it amateur style for now. Needless to say that was alot of my weekend.

But as it is Monday the 4th of July and I'm up before noon--this was due to the morning of KEOKI that I had @ shampoo yesterday. KEOKI was the last to go on @ 5am--and 5 million red bulls kept me and Stefan aloft enough to watch most of his set before entering the daylight and heading home. I started dancing in the main room, went to drum and bass for a few minutes (drum and bass aka Spazzes on crack requires about a 2 minute spazz out and then a break so it was all good), then finally got down to WINK in the outside tent. WINK was bloody amazing. He was SOOOOO good it was awesome. After I yelled to him that he fucking rocked and he gave me a thumbs up, Ry The Scot took his shore leave and Sausalito and I went back inside for the KEOKI countdown.

D-FUSE was spinning techno/trance/progressive so I would dance but kept trying to conserve my energy for KEOKI. When he finally came on it suddenly went from club scene to concert--the people were below the DJ booth just watching him--b/c he does the SUPERSTAR thang well and spins while singing along to the songs he's playing, jumping up on the shelves and rockin out. He didn't do the mash-up thing and go from song to song frantically like his CD's, but took the tempo down and played Electro that was brilliant. The 5 million red bulls came back to haunt me and we left a few mins before his set was over. Into the daylight, into the streetlight, I came home and crashed out until noon (insomnia or just amped from the morning's events).

Had breakfast @ North Third and then headed to the WINCHESTER to learn the patented "manchester mary" style of throwing, came home to play TEKKEN, watch SHAUN OF THE DEAD, and pass out by midnight if not before. But this was all AFTER LIVE 8--which I didn't even make it to. Ended up watching MTV's coverage on Beth and Wayne's deck and going to bed by 5pm to get up for BANG! All worth it. So very very worth it.

GWEN STEFANI's new video came on--she is so fucking pretty. Christ. Which reminds me in the past 2 nights I've (IN MY DREAMS):
=kissed 2 girls
=fought with the Ex
=hung out with Jamil, A & E, Keg-Leg, Johnny, and Lido @ a hotel while they were preparing for someone's wedding
=tried to get tickets for some show but can't remember which one
=made out with the new beau but still haven't gone past 3rd base

And I shall say no more...

Except that my manager from GENE'S BOOKS (the best job I ever had) is FINALLY opening her own store. I can't wait to go out and see it. Let's hope she needs someone to work there!!! :fingers crossed:

And with that I take my leave.
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OPERATION: cash money saved V.2.0

2005-06-30T10:00:00.000-05:00

I have successfully consolidated 3 major debts I have into one monthly payment. I figure I will keep my wachovia account and money towards this will stay in there always since they automatically debit it out of the account. This is the first step in a series of money-themed projects I will be integrating into my life to get back on track. Other changes include:
+3 drank MAXIMUM when out and about. Never buying more than that EVER. This was my procedure when I was driving but I need to save cash and this is my biggest drain right now.
+a trip to Delaware for a carton of cigs and some cheap alcohol for home
+$60/week allowance
+consistent payments to the lawyer to get him paid off

Once this is done I can start my dental work and saving for my BMX. Then I can securely look for a job and get the F outta dodge.

****Meanwhile in more fun news****
I have got my ticket to COLDPLAY so I'm psyched about that. I am slowly getting more things out of storage and setting up my new room. I put up my sketches but I hate them so I may just take them all down and start over.
Jamil might be stopping up tomorrow as he plans to stay in Filthadelphia all night in anticipation for LIVE 8 on Saturday. I could care less about that as I now have KEOKI to look forward to.
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SUPERSTAR DJ KEOKI

2005-06-29T15:32:00.000-05:00

Fuck LIVE 8--this is the party!!!
Indoor/Outdoor festival in Filthadelphia on Saturday from 9pm-6am. 3 reasons I'm going:
1==KEOKI (I may have had all my CD's stolen but he is the MAN)
2==ARMANNI (kickass d&b dj)
3==WINK

I'm going to try debt consolidation. I need to get my arse in gear with my money sitch. Hellz yeah.
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My secret Boyfriend

2005-06-26T11:11:00.000-05:00

I moved into my new crib yesterday, after helping Mr. Cyphere (along with the rest of the APATHETIC ICON moving company) move into his new place and got a free lunch out of it. It was cool hanging with everyone--we met Paul's mum and sis @ the diner and just had an awesome time cracking wise (as the kids like to call it).

So on the moving kick, I got all my clothes, my comp., and a few other things out of my storage space and settled into Rae and Leah's house in Northern Liberties. I dig it b/c:
+I *heart* Northern Liberties
+I'm closer to work now and also close to Stefan, Ry and Ze Moto Kitty
+I can finally somewhat say I have a "home"

My rent is lower again which will help me save money--if only I can start actually saving it.

But now to my secret boyfriend. We had our first sorta "fight" yesterday but he has once again proven himself to be a mature and concerned person in my life. Its refreshing really. I don't feel bound to him and in truth I'm not at all--but that connection lies between us and I bide my time waiting for a chance to voice my heart to him and to everyone. Too soon, too much, too little, too late. I cannot stop my feelings.

Today everyone went swimming but i stayed behind to set up my computer and maybe go to THE WINCHESTER for some megatouch and a delightfully yummy club sandwich. Or maybe just sleeping and lounging on the couch.
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Well My Stars!!!

2005-06-24T13:26:00.000-05:00

TGIF mothertruckers...that's all I gotta say. I have been coming in before 8am everyday since the towing incident to hopefully make a little spare cash so I can you know, survive. B/c as it stands right now I'm going to have charge a few things again and that really sucks. But I don't see any other way right now.

I talked to BOCKY today--he's gonna have a kid!!! That's just fuct. His Hep C is in remission so that's good. I just hope he's happy. And clean. Or as clean as he can be.

My head should be shaved but last night i watched THE BOURNE SUPREMACY and got quite lit. Its all Ry The Scot's fault--magnificent bastard.

Plans for this weekend are as follows:
==hanging with my secret boyfriend
==helping Mr. Cyphere move into his new house
==stop by No-Town for my mail
==get my computer out of storage
==begin helping Stefan with his resume

I figured out the majority of the bassline for "JENNY WAS A FRIEND OF MINE" b/c THE KILLERS are rokken. But LCD SOUNDSYSTEM has been stuck in my head for about a million years but I dont' have the CD so I only get it in small doses.

Today is so boring I just want to get out of here, get to Wachovia to put some money in my acct., drop my NEWS RADIO eppy's off at TLA (and rent something else if I can think of something good), get home and either head over to DRUIDS for a game of darts -or- stay in and go out later. I don't want to spend money like I have been doing--just get a lambic and play some darts. We can avoid the godforsaken hot shots that have been there like every night since we played them last. I feel like I'm being watched and judged on skill.

I'm so bored I can't even type. Now that's just sad.
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Remember: Automobiles and Brickthrower's don't mix!

2005-06-22T10:38:00.000-05:00

My car got towed last night during an awesome Phillies game that I attended with Thee Irate One and one Sausalito. I left it parked somewhere I totally SHOULD NOT have left it--but you know me, ever tempting fate to see what kinda trouble I can get into next. My mum is a goddess among women and wire transferred me the money to pay to get it back but now I'm trying to score a ride to South Philly so I can pick it up. And I'm missing work b/c of it and trying really hard to motivate myself to get dressed and get going but I'm not really in the mood for tedious typing today.

SO WHAT TO DO?

=pick up the car and go into work for a half day
=pick up the car and come back home
=wait for Rae and have her go with me to get the car
=snuff it and get it over with

My head is pounding and my teeth are aching from my jaw-clenching. I should be a total and complete mess but I'm not and Cubed says its b/c I'm in a manic eppy right now and that would make a whole lot of sense--except that it only means I'm going to crash soon. But until then I really think I should just ride this high b/c its the only thing keeping me aloft above the shite below me.

Well that, and LCD SOUNDSYSTEM...but you knew that already didn't you?

I am going to destroy the world. That is all.
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NEWSRADIO--I dub you my SAVIOUR!!!

2005-06-21T12:29:00.000-05:00

I have been watching the first season of NEWSRADIO nonstop. It is SOOOO much funnier than I remember. The cast is awesome:
ANDY DICK
STEPHEN ROOT
MAURA TIERNEY
PHIL HARTMAN (R.I.P.)
DAVE FOLEY
The hijinks that ensue on that show are beyond hilarious. I have rented it from TLA but Stefan swears he's going to buy it so I'll keep my fingers crossed.

I have alot of shite that sucks right now but I'm going to see the Phillies tonight and we have HALL OF FAME seats so FUCK YEAH!!! J-Z knows how to hook that shite up. I'm helping Mr. Cyphere move out on Saturday with the assistance of Go-To Guy Mr. Stefan Francois Grovier.

And really, that's about it besides too many bars, too much money spent, too much travelling, not enough job searching.
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Self-Torture Rules!

2005-06-18T17:10:00.000-05:00

+++++++begin of stupid rant++++++++
I'm not gonna give you the satisfaction.
+++++++end of hopeless and neurotic rant+++++++

So today--I went to bed @ 4:30am and got up at 10:30am. I stayed with Rae b/c of the driving factor. Woke up, went to the palm then bugged Ry and Stefan until they had the wedding to go to. I have clothes stashed at about 3 different houses, so I dyed my hair, showered, took a half hour to kill a scary ass roach (which Moto helped me with b/c she the bizzomb) chilled with Ze Moto then went to meet Johnny and Keg-Leg @ the Silk City Diner. Had some massive onion rings, cheese fries and a coke. Yum. Drove to South Philly to get my scripts filled, got some spare keys made (I have keys for the punk rock house in NO-town and Ry and Stefan's for Moto visits) and drove back to NORTHERN LIBERTIES. Applied for a Citizens Bank checking acct, paid some bills, wrote some emails. I'm happy. and I'm not. I feel like he's some mafioso that pretty much said "you're dead to me" and I'm never allowed to look or speak to him again. SEE THERE I GO AGAIN. fuck. fuck. fuck. Need new job like stat.

Me and Rae are meeting up later but she doesn't get done with work until 11pm or so. I want to go to South Street to buy a pillow case for my tempur pedic pillow and grab dinner. Although eating at ABBAYE sounds even better. Oh decisions decisions.

Daddy just called. He always makes me feel better. =o) There is no man out there that will ever top him in my book.

Oh! Nic might be getting me free dress for the wedding!!! Hook ups rule.
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The Tales of a Brickthrowing Nomad...

2005-06-15T12:10:00.000-05:00

I am homeless--well not completely. I have a couple places that I'm crashing at right now; Kell's, Ry and Stefan's, etc. Steph's house fell through--things just weren't coming together like I wanted them too. I'm still stuck in this job and hoping the powers of Mike Oeming and/or John Layman will make it all better. So right now I'm just stagnant, not sure what the fuck I'm doing about anything.

Don't get me wrong, I'm having the time of my life. I enjoy the freedom of deciding to play darts @ 11pm and just doing it with no worries. Ze Moto Kitty seems so content @ Ry and Stefan's; she is doing her stretchy cat routine that is a sign of a happy cat (so sayeth the Cubed One).

I just hate not having a home or a place to call my own right now but in some ways I never really did so I guess its just the amplified version of that. I have scripts to get filled, things in storage I need to take a look at, etc and so on.

I have so many bruises--I think my anemia is probably worse than ever. My teeth are truly now rotting out of skull. I started my medical testing for a vaccine today--$50 for an hour of poking and prodding. ROCK N ROLL.

Tomorrow is me mum's birthday, she should be back from TENNESSEE by then. I have to decide when I want to go see her next. And I need to buy towels. B/c I have, like none.
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The NEW Obsession

2005-06-13T15:32:00.000-05:00

Darts bitches. Rae brought over 2 sets so now we can bring our own to DRUIDS. We got schooled hardcore last night but some hustlers name Jonathon and Julian...but we're all getting better. The team of S&M (me and Sausalito) beat out R&R (Ry and Rae) so I think its safe to say that I have a new favorite game, and SURPRISE SURPRISE, it involves sharp pointy objects.

Also--new COLDPLAY is awesome but the new WHITE STRIPES is pure heaven. I am in love with JACK WHITE and his pencil moustache.

Lefty Joves left me a message in his forum...it was really nice. I don't know what to believe b/c he's sincere one moment and full of hate the next but regardless it was a nice thing to read. It made me feel sad and happy at the same time. That makes no sense but it does to me so fuck y'all. All my stuff is in storage mostly--just waiting for this house thing to come through--but waiting even more for MARVEL or DC to realize what they're missing and hire me.

Went to 2 BBQ's this weekend including a swank upper echelon work one with caterers and a moon bounce. I was playing with some girls and they had me jumping like a fiend. I am still sore. But it was sooooo much fun. You can tell my anemia is really kickin' my ass right now--i'm bruised from head to toe. It doesn't help I try to be cool and slap box with Stefan and Ry.

Tonight//Tonight
Kell's, shower, J-Z's and a little socializing. I'm functioning on 3 hours of sleep. And it is AWESOME!!!!
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The Agony...and The Ecstasy

2005-06-09T13:00:00.000-05:00

The story so far:
Ze Brickthrower has been plotting her takeover of Marvel or DC in NYC. That would mean moving to New Jersey :ECH!: but I think I can deal. I want to be halfway in between Filthadelphia and New York. Of course, I need the job first but I have hopes and dreams (and even schemes) so if worse comes to worse, I'll start looking around @ the smaller companies as well.

I would talk about my recent life changes but as I don't exist to that person anymore, we'll just pretend like it never happened. You know me, you'll figure it out. Esp knowing that I have my dad driving up from York to get everything out of the hizzy--including Ze Moto--and into storage. The times, they are a-changin.

Ze Moto Kitty will be staying with Stefan and Ry the Scot until I am able to move in with Steph and her girlfriend--who have been gracious enough to offer up a room. They just need to get things ready for me and then I'm in. Until then I've been crashing with Kell in No-Town, playing lots of darts, and listening to THE KILLERS like they're the only band that exists.

Me and Cubed are cool even though we went through a rough spot a week ago--now if only our schedules would match up we would be able to talk on ze phone. I can't call him Slavedriver anymore but I can still call him my bitch. =o) HAHAHAHAHA.

Tonight I'm going out with the Punk Rock kids to price tattoos (not for me...not yet), dont' know what my plans are for the rest of the weekend except securing storage for my things, Fridays on Saturday, and a possible BBQ with Rae on Sunday.

Rokken...like Dokken even.
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Yesterday I fuct it all...

2005-06-03T12:45:00.000-05:00

I have totally and utterly fucked up every part of my life in the span of about 8 hours.

I don't know what the fuck I'm doing anymore and my stomach feels like its never going to stop churning.

Oh yeah kittlings...independence bloody rules.
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!!!B-MORE BITCHES!!!

2005-05-25T12:05:00.000-05:00

Today I had a half-day, as did Stefan, and I'm sitting here waiting for him to come pick me up so we can head down to Baltimore for the Orioles/Mariners game. It might rain, but we're gonna say FUCK IT to the sky and the rain and all that and try to make it there. If only for one glimpse of ICHIRO, I will be happy. Tonight is the *LOST* finale, which my mom is graciously TIVO'ing for us, so I should have a full report tomorrow. Because I have Thursday, Friday -AND- Monday off as well. Yeah, I rule kittlings. Its good to be Queen (of the Pathetic).

ICHIRO SUZUKI--My Asian Elven Wonder!!!

GO MARINERS!!!
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Myths About Ze Brickthrower Dispelled...

2005-05-24T13:21:00.000-05:00

1--I am NOT a Jesus Freak.
2--I am NOT as strong as you think I am
3--I have failed and I might again but this does not make me a quitter
4--I am NOT happy with my current life situation although I can remain positive about my life changes
**********************
The easiest way to describe any sprituality I have found is Buddhism, but even that is not quite accurate. I'm still changing. I'm not the same person I was a month ago, last year, last month. To realize that your entire life you've been living without a sense of self is enough to make a sane person cry. Me being the Queen of the Pathetic means I want to tear the entire world apart for my own ridiculous deceptions.

It doesn't help that attempting to volunteer and find a job is like pulling teeth--I remember why I stayed in this horridness of a job so long--b/c its easy. So was the drug use--easy to live in misery when I blotted out any concrete or creative thought I ever had. And it starts to get a little hard and here I go crying to my blog and wallowing in the same shame spiral I told myself I needed to get out of. But as stated above, I'm not giving up, no surrender (TO THE DRUGS CUBED! And the Shame Spiral. Buddha can have it all) I just need this time to bitch and moan so that I can shut the fuck up about it IRL and move past it.

If it consumes me, then I can never say I went to London again. And right now I'll use that as my reason to rise above.
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+the PET History of Ze Brickthrower+ No. 4

2005-05-23T22:22:00.000-05:00

I wasn't the only one that tortured our pets!!!
Barger II, my sister Shacky's Minature Schnauzer was the pet we had the longest (with the exception of PRETTY BIRD whom can be seen in an upcoming "PET history" installment)--this doggie was in our care in Reno, NV -and- Plantation, Fl (aka Satan's Asshole). I am more a cat person, but if I get a place big enough to have a dog or 2, one of them will be a miniature schnauzer and the other a pit bull (see CHRISTALE).
BARGER was a little ball of fury, very protective of our family in the "all bark, no bite" sense. If you entered the house, she would bark and growl for a good hour before she was ready to give you a chance with the fam. Both the pictures below show her shagginess:

(((**Barger, Dog of the Year and getting curlers put in her beard from Shacky**)))

My mom would take her to get groomed and she would come back looking like a gruff old man--beard nicely trimmed and short gray hair cropped close. You don't know how much you miss something until its gone, and even though she was a smaller dog she didn't have the hyper nature to her like subsequent puppies we kept. BARGER was by far one of my favorite pets--even if I didn't show that hound the love when she was around. Alas, the move to Florida was too disruptive for her, she began peeing on EVERYTHING and this led to my mom giving her away (a pattern that would continue into Pennsylvania and other pets; the giving away, not the peeing). The verdict: dogs with beards=2 cute!!!
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